It’s taken me a while to sit down and write this blog because I am still processing all the amazing things that happened over those ten days at training camp. So much has happened so hang with me as I try my hardest to concisely get it all out!
I had been looking forward to this training camp for months because it was the first time I would get to meet the 43 amazing individuals that will be launching with me. 43 selfless, joyful, inspiring, courageous, Jesus loving weirdos I get to call my family for the next year and for years after that! I went into training camp with a backpack and a lot of expectations. I knew it was going to be really challenging: physically, emotionally and spiritually, and I thought some of it would probably be a little fun. I knew it was going to be hot and humid and I tried to mentally prepare myself for the porta potties to be disgusting (Heads up: nothing can prepare you for the reality of 4 day old porta potties, sorry). But like most things in my life, God absolutely exceeded my expectations and taught me tough lessons about myself and amazing lessons about His unfailing grace and love.
I was so nervous to meet all of my squad on that first day! I had been talking to them via Facebook, Whatsapp, Google hangout, and even Facetime, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was on some reality TV show where I had been online dating 43 strangers and then had to meet ALL of them on the same day (haha, wait this is a great idea). It was crazy and exciting and nerve wrecking. I had been visiting family in Mississippi so I decided to fly out of NOLA. I ended up on the same flight as another girl on my squad, Sarah, which I was beyond thankful for as we tried to navigate through the huge Atlanta airport together. When we arrived, World Racers were taking over the airport, and it was amazing to see how many young individuals had decided to say “Yes” to God and follow him on this crazy journey. The day was full of small conversations about where everyone was from and trying to remember each other’s names. I think we were mostly comparing training camp horror stories we’ve heard and trying to figure out what the real deal was. Little did I know how quickly I would come to love these individuals in only 10 short days.
(ATL Airport)
Over the week there was a lot of fun “situations” we were put in that could happen on the race as leadership watched how we handled them. We slept in tents and in hammocks and in “airports” and on the ground and in the wilderness. We ate weird things and had to overcome difficult obstacles. Although frustrating at times, I personally found each of them fun and they allowed us to bond as a team extremely quickly. (Watch Kelsey Nerland’s Vlog for more about all the crazy situations we were in…. Click Here to check it out!)
The sessions we had to attend were a lot more emotional than I expected. It was like each day God was peeling back a layer of me and telling me He wants ALL OF ME. Not the parts I felt were worthy of giving to Him, but He wants the ugly parts of me as well. He kept telling me throughout the week that He wants intimacy, and that I needed to stop carrying around the things I felt were too big to give up to him. And WOW, wasn’t he right? Isn’t that such an insult to our Father who created heaven and earth and each of us? I was saying that MY burdens, and MY weakness were TOO BIG for GOD. I was allowing my own arrogance to tell me that I could handle things that God couldn’t. But the good news is, the Lord quickly broke me down and showed me that nothing is too big for Him.
Here’s a mini recap of how the lord absolutely worked through me in the most incredible ways:
The first couple days were emotionally and spiritually draining. We first talked about Identity, and at the end of the session I didn’t feel this sense of relief or newfound identity in Christ like some of my other squad mates seemed to experience and that left me incredibly frustrated and questioning what I did wrong, or why I still felt the same. I spent some more time alone with the Lord, and he taught me something important that I think all of us know, but we sometimes forget. Instead of finding identity in others, I should be turning to Him and His ultimate truths about who I am! But even after reading scripture after scripture about who the Lord calls me to be, and how He sees me… I still struggled to believe some of it because I was still allowing the enemy disguised as the voice of other people from my past to feed me lie after lie.
That night I was wrecked during the session as we talked about how by not extending forgiveness to others as the Lord has done for us, we are actually giving the enemy a foothold in our lives to let those seeds of anger and lies take root in us and grow. I found myself unable to forgive people that had hurt me, especially past relationships, and once again I found myself frustrated that I wasn’t getting the same freedom that people around me were experiencing. I pulled our squad mentor Chrissy aside and she prayed with me and over me and poured out truths to combat the lies of the enemy. As she reminded me, forgiveness doesn’t always happen over night but sometimes it’s a process, and it’s not a process we have to or are supposed to do alone. We need to let the Lord guide us through it. So, I sat there and pleaded for freedom, and the Lord spoke to me and told me that I still wasn’t giving my all to him, and I knew He was right. (Layer gone.)
By this point, I was absolutely exhausted. I felt defeated because each day the Lord would reveal something to me and I would try to work through it with Him and then BOOM something else would happen. I felt like every time I was near a summit I was knocked back down and I felt defeated. I met with a squad leader Sydney and I confessed I was so exhausted from the spiritual warfare and that I felt so needy all the time. I told her I was used to being self-reliant and I think that has gotten in the way of my relationship with God. I confessed I hated being messy and vulnerable and this week kept getting deeper and messier and more vulnerable. She was incredible and told me it’s okay to rely on other people but more importantly that it’s necessary to rely on the Lord. (Another layer gone, and this gets super ironic..)
This leads us to the story of how I fractured both of my heels:
A few hours after this encounter we had a squad dance off. Yup, a dance off…(I LOVE DANCE OFFS!!) So long story short, I decided it was a great idea to do a backflip….. barefoot….. on concrete (Moment of silence for my stupidity, and no my team didn’t win). Instantly I knew something was wrong as I could hardly walk and I bit my lip to try and keep myself from embarrassingly crying in front of my entire squad. (I didn’t find out I had actually fractured both heels until I returned home from camp). This injury led to a whole new set of frustrations and guess what? The Lord never passes up an opportunity to teach us, if we let him. Well, He thought this was the perfect opportunity to teach me humility, and humbleness, and how to ask for help, and how to be completely reliant on my team. I couldn’t even get to a porta potty without one of my team mates carrying me on their back and helping me balance (yes, it’s just as awful as it sounds..) I hated asking for help, but I quickly learned that I was in no position to refuse it. Granted, I was still stubborn as heck and tried to do a lot of things by myself before I surrendered and accepted help.
Y’ALL- Let me just take a minute to BRAG ABOUT and THANK my AMAZING SQUAD!!!! In the middle of so much frustration with myself and my inability to participate in activities, I had also never felt so incredibly loved by 43 people I had just met 3 days prior. Each person that saw me made it a point to ask how I was doing and if there was anything they could help me with. Even people from other squads and leadership went out of their way to check on me and it was the craziest loving community I have ever been a part of. Even in my stubbornness, they weren’t shy to tell me to stop being stubborn and let them help. They carried me on their back (special shout out to Caitlyn, Julia, and Ellen for carrying my weight a majority of the time), they carried my stuff, they always had a chair waiting for me, they made sure I was still able to participate in team activities even if that meant it would be more challenging for them, and they even helped me shower (yeah, try taking a bucket shower without help when you’re crippled….). When the enemy told me I was unwanted and too needy, they told me I was wanted and loved. Most importantly, they prayed fiercely over me every chance they got.
This brings us to one of my favorite nights and most cherished memories of training camp:
One night we were learning about freedom and how only the free can free others (I encourage you to let that sink in for a minute… because it’s life changing). Another squad mate of mine, Daniel, was also dealing with a serious infection in both of his feet (isn’t it funny how the enemy was striking our feet?) so I was sitting with him on the floor since neither one of us could walk. As we began praise and worship, a squad leader came over and began praying over Daniels feet. Instantly I felt the lord calling me to pray over him as well. Soon I felt hands laying over me too and I looked up to see a few people had gathered to pray over us. I continued to pray, and a few minutes later, I looked up again because it was pretty loud and THE ENTIRE SQUAD came together to lay hands on us and pray for miraculous healing. How amazing is that? 43 incredible individuals surrounding us! I could not have asked God for a better family that comes together so quickly and powerfully. The presence and love of God was absolutely tangible in that moment as I looked around and saw the Holy Spirit in each person surrounding me. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
That night was probably the most exhausting and freeing night of my life. I was really captivated by the message on freedom because I knew I wasn’t truly walking in freedom yet. I prayed that the lord would show himself to me in a way that was undeniable. I prayed that he would send someone to tell me whatever it was I needed to hear because I didn’t know what it was. Before I could even finish this prayer a girl Katelyn, whom I had know since I was really little from church (crazy small world) came and spoke visions over me that I needed to hear. Then a squad mate Cherish wrapped me in her arms and prayed over me. Then Caitlyn wrapped me in her arms and she spoke words that I had prayed, verbatim, about my deepest insecurities. It absolutely shook me and there was no doubt what the Lord wanted me to hear: that I had always been good enough for Him. In that moment I felt like layers were just falling down around me and I the Lord was speaking to the very core of my being. Then, as if this wasn’t crazy enough Sydney came up to me and just encouraged me to allow the messiness to be. Once again, the Holy Spirit flowed through her as she prayed and affirmed things I had been praying about all week. My sobbing turned into tears of joy as I felt like a giant weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I started singing in freedom and truly allowing myself to give everything I had to the Lord without holding any “messy” parts back. And wow, it was breathtaking.
On day 7 God gave us our teams:
The rest of the week was still challenging in different ways as we learned about poverty, and women in sex trafficking, and vulnerability with others. On Day 7 we were introduced to our TEAM! While all 43 of us (squad) are in the country, different teams are sent to different ministries within the country. So these are the 6 other individuals I will be living in community with! I was really nervous about my team all week but I had genuinely prayed that the Lord would give me a sense of peace, and I allowed myself to put my trust in Him, knowing that whoever I ended up with is exactly who I needed to be with. And God blessed me with the most incredible 6 people I could possibly imagine. Each of them have such a genuine heart, and passion, and love for the Lord that is absolutely contagious and words can’t express how excited I am to be serving with them this year as we step out of our comfort zones, trust in His plan, and bring glory to His name!
(From Left to Right: Laura, Keaton, myself, Julia, Jonathan, Elizabeth, Dan!)
Training camp was quite possibly one of the most exhausting but rewarding experiences I have ever had. So much more was jam packed into those ten days, and I could probably write a short book about it all. I went into this with some anxiety and fear about what I was doing, if I was really good enough to do this, and if this is where the Lord wanted me. I left those ten days with confidence that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that I am more than enough for Him because God doesn’t call the equipped- He equips the called. I walked out of training camp having gained another amazing family that I will hold dear to my heart forever.
I have returned home to spend the rest of my time here with my family before I leave. As an update: I launch in FIVE WEEKS and I am about $5,000 away from being FULLY FUNDED (wow, that’s crazy!) If you feel called to help support this mission, I would be so incredibly grateful for any donation you are able to make. If you would like to pray for myself and my team here are a few ways you can:
- Please pray for patience, humility, and miraculous healing as I am currently in two boots for my fractured heels. Recovery time is 6 weeks which puts me right around the launch date!!
- Please pray for courage, perseverance, guidance and wisdom as I continue to walk with the Lord as he prepares my heart for departure. I ask that you also pray He reveals His plan in miraculous ways over the next year!
- Please continue to pray for my squad, but I would also love if you would pray that my team would live in vulnerability with each other and steward each other out of love. Pray for our team as a whole, but also cover us individually: Laura, Julia, Elizabeth, Dan, Keaton, and Jonathan.
If you would like to know more about training camp and the World Race, please feel free to contact me and I would love to speak with you!!
Blessings y’all,
J.
