All throughout the World Race the theme of what God has been
working me through has been IDENTITY.
Honestly, it has been such a constant subject for God and I’s
conversations over the last 9 months, that the very word about makes me
cringe. However, recently l have
had some breakthrough in my thought processes on the subject, so I thought that
I would take a moment to share.
As mentioned above, for the entirety of the race I have
asked God questions that essentially revolve around the subject “Who am I?”.
I have struggled with believing God’s answers to this
question and the ones like it, and I have often found myself frustrated and
tired as I “lap the mountain” (Refer to blog entitled “She’ll be coming around
the mountain when she comes” for more details). I keep asking God the same questions, never content
with His answers, mostly because I can’t wrap my mind around them and get my
heart to believe them. However,
God spoke something to my heart while I was in my final days of Nigeria, that I
hope I will never forget.
His words went something like this:
“Jordan, I want you to understand who you are. I want you to know that you are my
beloved, my daughter, and royalty.
I want you to know how much you are truly loved. However, you are searching in the wrong
place for your answer. You are
seeking your identity, and what I need you to do is be seeking mine.
When you understand who I am, you will come to a greater
understanding of who you are. When
you know how deep my love is, you will understand just how greatly you are
loved. When you realize that I
really am the King of Kings, you will understand that you are royalty. When you believe in your heart just how
truly creative I am, you’ll see just how unique and perfectly designed you are.
When you see my beauty, you’ll
know your own. When you see just
how purposeful I am, you’ll understand that you had to be made with a great
purpose in mind”.
Although I fully understand and believe that I will never
ever attain perfect wisdom as to the fullness of God’s character and likeness. That with my human brain all the things
mentioned above will be limited at some level as to how deep I can understand
them. However, there was such
peace and joy when I came to the realization that this was not about “me”. This was about HIM.
Our identity lies in Christ, and so often we search within
ourselves for who we are… we even search God for it… and all the while He is
asking us to just look into His eyes.
To ask questions like “Who are you God?”, instead of ” Who am I?” Not that this question is wrong… God
does want us to know who we are… but this question is so limited in its answers
when we don’t realize at any kind of level just who God is. How can we understand our value when we
aren’t grasping His. Like I said,
I know that the fullness of who God is won’t be attained on this Earth for me, but
how much joy is there when we realize that the answer to who we are is not at
all dependent on us… but completely dependent on Him!!
