It has been about 4 days since I lost my phone.
Like any normal human being my first reaction was to ask God why. I wasn’t abusing my phone rights, I didn’t take it with me to ministry, I didn’t intentionally idolize it, I didn’t lose portions of my day being sucked into the world of media.
Why did God take from me?
I felt peace because I was immediately asking him what he was teaching me. I knew that was a good reaction, but it still left me bitter at the end of the day because I didn’t feel like I deserved this lesson. It didn’t feel fair, I wasn’t abusing my phone.
A couple days went by and my teammates all said the same thing. “You’re taking this so well. If that was me, I’d be so mad.”
It was a strange situation because although part of me was bitter, I was still peacefully seeking clarity from God. I knew there had to be a lesson and I didn’t want to move on yet.
All I was getting was two words. God was telling me to have peace, and my Holy Spirit was telling me to rejoice!
But why?! Why did part of me want to REJOICE that my phone was gone?
Later during Amad time, I went out to the garden again.
While praying, I was continuing to justify why my phone was not an issue. Why I didn’t deserve to have it taken. “I just want to be able to communicate with my family” …then I got more honest. “I want music for when I run..” “..and all those pictures God, they were my memories..”
The pictures.
The memories.
..The vanity.
I wept. The vanity, God. My vanity. It was all on that stupid phone.
That’s what I was feeling freedom from. That’s why my spirit wanted to rejoice. I gave thanks in my prayer because the clarity gave me peace of mind. “Stop searching for your phone, it’s gone. God took it away to give you something better. Let it go.”
Months ago at training camp one of the speakers urged us to leave our phones at home for the year. Secretly, I’ve always fancied the idea of doing life without a phone. To be that girl who people see as unprivileged when really she’s free.
Looking back I realized now that God was just fulfilling his will. He spoke to me at camp about leaving my phone but giving into the fear of doing life without it, I held on to it.
Even though I went against the spirit, God still blessed me with freedom. You see God knew all along that I would thrive without a phone and even with my disobedience, holding on to vanity and idolizing it more than I thought, he still blessed me.
It’s been on my heart to lighten my load since we left the airport in America. I mean to literally lighten my load. Something about traveling to the underprivileged countries and growling about how heavy my pack is…just isn’t sitting right with me. In the bible when God sent out his disciples he told them to take no extra pair of shoes, no extra clothing and no food. So why have times changed how we rationalize the bible? Our God never changes. He is the same today as he is tomorrow and forevermore.
I wonder if my heaviest item was my smallest..
I wonder if He had me lose the hardest thing first, so the rest would shed easy..
I truly believe our Father has good intentions for us through all circumstances. See, He could have turned his back and said “You want to cling to that phone all year and not grow in the ways I know you need to? Not find freedom where I know you want it? Not gain greater perspective on what phones look like in others hands? Okay, then this gift is not yours.”
No, that’s not my Father. He is proceeding to give me the gift that I don’t deserve.
See how my perspective changed?
“I don’t deserve to have my phone taken.”
Vs.
“I don’t deserve this gift of freedom and growth.”
I thank you God that you have opened my heart so wide to accept all things from you.
My humble prayer now is that I continue to accept this gift with joy. That I may be a light to others, leading by example each time I sit at a table without my phone. That I do not boast about my new found freedom, or bitterly envy those who are on a different path from God.
“…let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” James 3:13-17
Until God says otherwise, I will still have my iPad for emailing and blogging. You can reach me at [email protected]
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:29-30
