During bible study one night we were going over what lordship meant and what it means for God to be Lord over our lives and it was during that time that God showed that I gave the Lord full reigns on where He wanted me once he removed my relationship 3 months ago. I say, “I gave the Lord” very casually because I do believe it was God aligning me with His will and there was nothing I could do personally. I believe He took and removed things from my life so that I would walk in obedience to the things he was calling me to do when I was not willing to accept them times before.
I deceived myself into believing that God was going to allow my desires to align with His will. Silly me.
Now I don’t want you to think I was walking in full-blown disobedience to the things God was calling me to. I had no idea because I was deceived with what sounded good and godly. I had dreams of doing ministry in different countries, but it was with the wrong man. My heart was sold out for the Lord and glorifying him, but only in the ways I wanted to selfishly. Was I wrong for wanting those things? No, but it’s not what God had for me.
These last 3 months have been the most transforming and intimate times with the Lord I have ever experienced. He has given me vision, he has given me passions and burdens I had never been able to see before.
Lately, I’ve struggled with some serious past wounds, that I thought were healed but recently just watching some of them arise and realizing they were never dealt with, they were pushed under the rug because the pain was so deep.
When I had my interview for the trip, they asked me if I received any healing from my past wounds of abandonment and rejection, I had realized I didn’t know a distinct time when I received healing from those certain wounds. My answer was “ they were just removed.”
Little did I know, they weren’t. They were forgotten and ignored.
Walls have been a big issue in my life and I wondered why I struggled with authority for so long or why I would often have outbursts of anger from people coming into my life and freely leaving whenever things got difficult for them. Every once in a while, I will see myself picking at them or others stumbling upon them.
BUT…I can’t help but believe that this is just God showing me his sovereignty, and allowing him to give me a brighter and wider understanding of who He is and how He is going to use me. Everything that exists in the universe exists because God allowed it. And God sometimes uses evil to accomplish good (Gen.45:7, 8; 50:20;Rom. 8:28)
“If God didn’t control evil, the result would be evil uncontrolled. If bad things come only from Satan and God has no power to stop them and no authority over Satan, then whose hands are we really in?”
“His dominion is an everlasting dominion. And His kingdom endures from generation to generation. And all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, but He does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of earth; and no one can ward off His hand or say to Him, ‘What have you done?’” (Da. 4:34-35).
Fundraising Update
Currently: 8,262
I have to raise 9,000 by July 2nd!
Currently selling shirts for 25$
I am having another garage sale June 20th on a Saturday. If you have anything you would like to donate, big bags, small bags. furniture, clothes, books, i will take anything! Give me a call or text if you would like to help.
