I’ve been trying to write this blog for a couple of weeks now, and I can never get it to come out right. I keep starting it and not finishing it; I don’t really know why I can’t. I guess maybe I’m a little scared and a little insecure about what people will think. That’s something I’ve always struggled with. So bare with me as I try to work past that and open up to you guys about my life and what’s going on.
These last few months (read last year and a half) have been pretty hard on me. I graduated college in December of 2014 with no job waiting for me at the finish line. The first 3 or 4 months after I graduated were so hard. I applied for a lot of jobs, but I was never very serious about it. I was in denial about graduation and was not happy with my life. I finally found a part-time internship (which turned into a part-time job) and started actively searching for a full-time job.
I don’t know if you guys know this but applying for jobs is actually exhausting. I applied for at least 100 jobs and had a few interviews (some that turned into second interviews) but still had no luck on the job front. Rejection sucks, and I didn’t handle it well. I didn’t handle it well at all. Every time I got another “no,” I fell a little deeper into the rut that seemed to never end. I was discouraged.
Last fall, I came across a girl on Instagram who was in the process of fundraising for her World Race (WR). She also happened to be a member of my sorority (same sorority, different chapter). I started following her journey and began to think about starting my own World Race journey. (For those of you who don’t know about the World Race, it’s an 11-month mission trip where you go to 11 different countries serving the people in whatever ways they need. You live out of 2 backpacks for the whole year. More on packing later.)
I got started on applying for the WR last fall, but it just didn’t feel like the right time. I had some things going on and just needed to straighten some things out first. I kept following different Racers on Instagram and reading blog after blog after blog and knew that I needed to apply. I just had to find the right time.
There came a moment when I finally knew that it was what I needed. I had a phone interview with a company in Dallas, and they wanted to meet me in person for a second interview. I was ecstatic! Finally a company that wanted to meet with me in person and get to know me better. It was a company that I wanted to work for and a job that I knew I could do. This job had potential. I drove to Dallas and had the interview, and it went great! I didn’t hear back from them for a few weeks (which I knew in my heart wasn’t a good sign). I told myself that if I didn’t get this job, I would apply to the WR and see what happened.
As fate would have it, I didn’t get the job. I was pretty upset. It felt like finally I had a real shot at a full-time job where I could move away from home and start being an “adult.” When I got the “not now, but we’ll keep your resume on file” email, I immediately started my WR application. It finally felt like the “right” time. I had an interview and soon enough found out that I was accepted! It was like God was telling me that this was it. This is what I’m supposed to do.
Finally after all the months of stress and panic about not having a full-time job, I felt a rush of peace come over me. I felt like I was finally doing what I needed to be doing. I wasn’t worried and wasn’t stressed about it. Since being accepted, I’ve had moments where I stress about fundraising or worry about living out of two backpacks for a year (promise there will be more on that later). Even through all of the moments of stress and worry, I come back to that sense of peace I felt when I was first accepted. Knowing that God is with me through all of this is what gets me through. Knowing that He is standing right by my side through this journey is all I need.
