Do you remember that feeling you got during your last year of high school or college that things were about to change drastically and you had no idea what was about to happen? That feeling that you had no control over the next phase? That anxious feeling you just couldn’t shake?
Well friends, I’ve got a real bad case of senioritis.
Yep, you read that right. World Race senioritis. Didn’t know that was a thing, did you? Neither did I.
I’ve been traveling, living in community, doing ministry, meeting people, trying new foods, growing closer to God, struggling, and so much more these last 9 months. It’s been the most challenging 9 months of my whole life. But, these last 9 months have been some of the most rewarding months I’ve ever experienced.
AND THEY AREN’T OVER YET!
I’ve got 2 more months to continue growing, continue doing ministry, and continue living in community.
Let me throw some honesty your way.
I’m not in the right mindsight to crush these next 2 months. I’ve lost my motivation. I’ve lost my drive. I’m starting to get that anxious feeling about what happens when I get home in 10 weeks. I’m starting to focus on where I’m going to live, what job I’m going to have, who I’m going to spend my time with, and all of the aspects of growing up and being an adult in the States. I’m so far from ready to think about these things, yet that’s all I can seem to concentrate on.
I scroll through various social media platforms and see all of you doing fun things, and I envy all of you. I want to be settled back into a “normal” routine. I want to hang out with all of you and tell you about my life for the last year. I want to have a place of my own and a job that I love.
But what is “normal” at this point? Is it getting a well-paying job? Getting married? Having 3 kids, a dog, and a ridiculously expensive house payment? Honestly, this whole idea of “normal” just isn’t for me at this stage of my life. I don’t want to be tied down to a house payment or a steady job. I want to continue to be challenged. I want to travel. I want to do things that are outside of this idea of “normal” that we’ve created. Eventually, I’m sure those things will be more appealing, and one day I do hope to be married with 3 (or more) kids and a dog (or 12). For now, I’m just going to be me.
I’m not going to focus on all the things that could happen when I get home in November. I’m not going to focus on the future. I’m not going to worry or be anxious. There’s nothing I can do to change any of it anyway! It’s all in God’s plan, and a big part of these next 10 weeks is continuing to learn to trust Him completely with every aspect of my life.
So where does all of that leave me in dealing with senioritis? Well for the next 10 weeks, I won’t be on social media. Maybe an Instagram post or two to let you guys know I’m alive, but that’s it. These last 10 weeks are a crucial time in my race. I want to stay present and stay focused on the work I am doing here.
I want you to know that I love you all so much, and I love seeing your posts about all the exciting things that are happening in your lives. I am just choosing to remove that distraction from my life for the next few months in order to stay fully present. I can’t wait to hear about everything I know I’m going to miss over the next few months!
Thank you for all your support! See you in November!
