Hello friends! This month we haven’t had consistent internet so I haven’t been able to get a blog out to you guys. I wrote a brief update on Facebook but I wanted to share in more detail what this past month of ministry has looked like.
This past month was all squad month. Meaning, all 46 people on our squad were at the same ministry site and lived together in a compound. We were located in Chinandega, Nicaragua at Vision Nicaragua. Vision Nicaragua partners with surrounding churches and pastors to help build the church and plant churches in the local villages. Vision welcomes teams to serve in these areas. We primarily helped the pastors with door to door evangelism. We would all load up in the back of trucks and literally drive into rural villages, knock on peoples doors, and share the gospel. We were also required to lead church services on sunday. We would collaborate as a squad and lead worship, share testimonies, give messages from scripture, pray for people, occasionally prepare skits, and lead a separate children’s service. We also did rotations in the traveling clinic. The doctor and a few others would set up in a house and provide free healthcare and prescriptions to the people in the village. Our teams would assist by taking down patient information and filling prescriptions that the doctor would write scripts for.
The particular area we were in looked much different than the ministry we served with last month. We were entering into true poverty and as I would look around at the people and conditions I began to feel like it was harder and harder to preach hope in a community where no tangible form of hope could be seen. The primary mean of income in these areas comes from the sugarcane fields. The problem with this is that 80% of the people who work in these fields wind up with chronic kidney disease. The average life expectancy for the men in the communities is 46 years old. So we saw many many single mothers and fatherless children. Research is still being done on the correlation between kidney disease and the fields. As a result, it has left a detrimental impact on the families in these communities. There is just a lot of brokenness and hard living in these villages. The people are in desperate need of hope in Christ. There have been some people come into these places with the title of “church” who have not exemplified what the church was ever intended for. There have been churches that have come in and abused their power and taken advantage of people. There have been churches come in and preach harsh words with very little grace and have expectations that no human could ever obtain. Many of the people are either bitter towards the church or feel condemned and unworthy because of the church.
This month was extremely challenging and stretching for each person on the squad in a variety of ways. We were pushed way outside of our comfort zones and had to step into boldness in ways we never have before. It was a tough and growing month for sure. At the beginning of this month I personally did not really know how I felt about door to door evangelism. Although it was awkward at times, I really wasn’t sure I even agreed with the method of sharing the gospel that we were being asked to step into. I just couldn’t see how what we were doing was benefiting people. I think I felt this way even up until about 2 weeks ago. I knew that regardless of my opinion that what we were there to do was to serve that ministry in however they asked us. That meant even putting aside my own personal belief system and humbling myself. I began to ask the Lord to reveal to me what I was not seeing in our purpose there. I asked that his will be done through me despite my feelings.
One morning we went out to share the gospel and pray for people as we usually did. At this point, I just really did not look forward to ministry days but I was still fighting and praying to keep my mind and my heart open. We went to a couple of houses and I just stood in the back, took in my surroundings, and prayed for the people stepping up to speak. My Team Leader, Victoria, asked me straight up if I felt like the Lord was speaking to me about anything in particular. I replied quickly with a hard no. She then asked me if I was blocking anything the Lord was calling me to that day. I said probably lol. She encouraged me to go up to the next house and lead the conversation. I reluctantly said alright. I coordinated with a couple of other girls on the squad and a few people from the church. Nayelley would translate for us and Carissa would end the convo in prayer. We had our game plan and by game plan I mean I had no idea what I was going to say. We were greeted by a younger woman named Gloria. Gloria was instantly and obviously uncomfortable. I introduced myself and began telling her a little about our group and what we were doing. Gloria shared with us that she had at one time been involved with a church but had fallen away somewhat recently. She shared with us how she wanted a relationship with Christ but sometimes it is just hard because you mess up. As she was sharing I could feel myself getting emotional and the Holy Spirit began to stir something inside me. As I listened to Gloria, I saw something in her eyes that I was far too familiar with. She didn’t have to say that much or give me details. I know this feeling like the back of my own hand and it’s something that has showed up in my life time and time again. I saw unworthiness in her eyes. I saw pain in her eyes. I saw shame. It was shame that I was looking at. I began to remember back on my own life when I had felt this same thing. I began to feel words forming inside of my mouth and then they just began pouring out. I shared with Gloria that I didn’t think it was a coincidence that our paths had crossed that day. I told her how Christ sees her and that he loves her. I told her how sometimes God uses people to speak to us and he even sends people halfway across the world to show us and tell us how much. I told her how it didn’t matter how far she ever ran from him that he would see her as his daughter and that he would always welcome her with open arms. I told her there is nothing she has to do to receive his love or offer him. He just wants to be with her. He wants an intimate relationship with her. While I’m sharing this with her I begin to feel my eyes burn. She sees this too. I was embarrassed that I had gotten so emotional in front of this complete stranger. I wiped my tears and we prayed over her, I gave her a hug, she said thank you and then we said goodbye. I continued crying for at least 7 more minutes after we left lol.
As I was speaking these truths over Gloria, God was simultaneously speaking these truths over me as well. Things finally clicked that day for me. I finally understood why we were doing this crazy thing in the first place. I could literally come up with a 100 reasons why I shouldn’t be doing the race. Inadequacy is a very real and common thing for people to feel on the race. There are times when I feel like the most unequipped person in the world and I’m expected to be the hands and feet of Jesus. God revealed to me just what it TRULY means to use our brokenness to bring glory to his name that day. It has nothing to do with my skill set or my strengths. It’s not about me relying on my own abilities. I am broken and I literally bring nothing to the table, yet, Christ loves me through that. The reason I was able to share with Gloria and empathize with her was not because I was experienced in evangelism or I’m just so in touch with others emotions but it was BECAUSE of my brokenness. My heart was split open and I shed tears in front of this woman BECAUSE of my brokenness. My prayer for that day is that Gloria felt like my tears were an image of authenticity and vulnerability. My prayer is that Gloria feels like she is valued, seen, and known enough to have someone be heartbroken over her. I pray that she doesn’t even remember my face or my name. I pray that that entire interaction we had with her was seen as Jesus speaking those words directly to her. Jesus weeping over her and empathizing with her. Jesus embracing her into his arms. Jesus saying, you are worthy of my tears and I do see you and I do love you. This is my prayer for each person that we interact with in Nicaragua, for the remainder of the race, and for the remainder of our days on this earth.
