To be honest, I knew that this was coming.
I had heard God ask me before, but because He didn’t ask me with words, I ignored His voice. I reasoned that it wasn’t really God speaking to me; it was just something that I had thought up myself. But the thought continued to nag me: I think that God wants me to dance. And I hoped desperately that it wasn’t true.
Not that I have anything at all against dancing during worship; on the rare occasions when I had seen people dancing for God, I thought that it was one of the most beautiful things that I’d seen in my life. The fact that someone would express their love for their Creator in such a graceful and uninhibited way is breathtaking. But…I’m anything but graceful, and I don’t know how to dance. And so I pushed the thoughts from my mind and tried to forget.
And then, one night, God made it so that I couldn’t ignore Him anymore.
It was a few nights into Training Camp, and worship was as powerful as it always was. My heart was rejoicing, harmonies lost in the powerful sea of sound that enveloped us in God’s presence. I desperately wanted to love God with everything that I am; for me, that meant that I focused on each word, singing to God with all of my heart.
You see, since I process things inwardly, I tend to not focus on the outside that much. It doesn’t come naturally to me to express things in an animated way. So when Emma (one of my squadmates) walked up to me and said, “God said that He wants you to dance,” you can probably imagine my reaction.
“What?” I said, heat flooding my cheeks.
“He said that He wants you to dance. I don’t know what that means to you, but…” She almost looked apologetic.
“No, it’s okay. Thank you for telling me.” She nodded and went back to where she had been worshiping before. The wheels in my mind were spinning. Did that really just happen? Adrenaline laced my veins. Okay, God. Okay. You’ve gotta help me do this, alright? I can’t do this alone. I don’t know how to dance. Please help me to be brave, I prayed as other thoughts flooded my mind: He would make me do this! I should’ve known that this was coming. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. But I knew that I had to stop thinking about it or I was never going to do it, so there I went–
–and it was absolutely beautiful and terrifying and embarrassing, all at once. At times, it felt like God was moving with me, bringing to mind the motions that I should make. I closed my eyes, trying not to focus on the people around me. This isn’t for them, I thought. And, although I wasn’t brave enough to be as demonstrative as I could have been, it completely transformed my world.
It changed everything about who I thought that I was. I’ve nearly always been the shy, quiet person who avoids being the center of attention, so this shook my self-image to the core. It showed me that God’s plan for me and my idea of who I am don’t match up, and that that needs to change.
I don’t know if God will ask me to dance again, but I have a feeling that He will. And I can’t say that I’m not scared anymore or that it will be a pretty sight, but I think that He likes it when I’m vulnerable, and that’s all that matters.
…
If you would like to know more about Training Camp and what it was like, you can find some of my squadmates’ blogs here, here, and here. It was an absolutely incredible experience that I can’t begin to describe, so I chose to hone in on a part of it that was significant for me.
Also at Training Camp, I was put on a team with six other girls. Although I didn’t get to know many of them well during the ten days that I was there, they all seem incredibly sweet and sincere. I can’t wait to serve with them on the field.
Team Dauntless
From left to right: Emily Cashion, Kaela Kreis, Anna Blank, Bailey Hicks, Kaitlyn Schaeffer, me, and Katie Wolfsohn
Financial Update: I have raised enough to be able to launch with the rest of my squad on September 9th from Atlanta, Georgia. I’m leaving on the 6th for a few days of training before we fly to El Salvador. I will have up to 6 months from the time I leave to obtain the remaining amount, so it is guaranteed that I will be able to raise the full $12,491. Thanks again to everyone who supported me and to God for allowing me to do this. It literally means the world to me.
Please be praying that God will prepare our squad for what we will encounter over the next 9 months. Please also pray that God will provide financially for those who have not met their goals.
Love you guys,
Jordan
