Tie -dyed emotions
Last week at bible study we were going around choosing colors to describe our emotions and I was having such a hard time deciding. In the end I decided that right now my emotions are tie-dye. So many mixed emotions all colliding at once but in the end creating a beautiful abstract piece of art. For this “Race” I was told three main things the first was to be vulnerable. If you are fallowing my blogs even if I don’t know you in person I promise I am going to be real with you. These are my tie-dye emotions.
Red: Passionate. Right now I am super passionate about teaching and loving the students I’m with in the first grade class twice a week. They are so amazing and I have the passion to make sure they know just how amazing they are. I am also super passionate about this trip and I know it is to the point that some of you are even annoyed with me talking about it. I am continuously trying to come up with fund raising ideas and ways to get the word out. I am checking other racers blogs and videos as often as possible. I want this more then anything I have ever wanted in life and desire everyday that I was already on this life-changing Journey.
Blue: Melancholy. Like the way those candies taste in “Because of Winn Dixie”. As most of you know it is my last semester at the University of Northern Colorado because I am going to be back in Colorado Springs doing my student teaching. Like in the story the candies are sweet but tasted of melancholy. I am trying to spend time with people as much as possible. It is really hard because of how busy my life is but I don’t want to lose them. The friends I have made here at school are some of the most incredible, beautiful, inspirational, encouraging, caring, loving, fun, and all together amazing people God has created. I truly believe that. So I will continue to experience this sweetness of spending time with them as long as I can and maybe chew some gum to try to subdue and prolong the melancholy taste.
Green: Growth. It may not be an emotion but I have grown so much this past year. If you knew me at this same time last year you would be able to see the difference in me right now. Even if you didn’t know the specifics last year I think you would have been able to see my depressed and sad demeanor. Last year was the toughest year in my life but God knew exactly what he was doing. The roommates He placed in my life were such an incredible blessing and helped me to once again find hope in Him. He continued to surround me with encouragement and people who love me. Then last November I heard that my friend Amanda was going on the World Race. I didn’t know what it was at the time but thought it sounded so amazing. I spent almost the entire day the next day reading blogs and watching videos on the website. God had grabbed my heart and out of hearing about this trip I started to experience hope once again. I started to realize that I needed to stop moping around and having people pour into me and start pouring into others once again (I have always been passionate about being there for others and had stopped doing that because I was to busy worrying about and pitying my self). Since then I have grown so much. I have become so much more independent learning to do so many things myself that used to be done for me. I have found joy in a lot more things and God has continued to grow and teach me in all kinds of different situations. I am positive he is nowhere close to being done with me.
Lightning Yellow: Hopeful. God is continuing to bring me hope. He is bringing me hope when I see so much promise in the children I work with. He is bringing me hope when I get a good grade on an assignment. He has brings me so much hope when I see that people are reading my blogs and when I see that people are interested in supporting me. He has brought me a lot of hope lately from my squad mates. My R squad has a Facebook page together and they are continuously posting encouraging videos, songs, and comments. They are also sharing praises, testimonies and pray requests. We have even gotten to Skype a little. When I look at the pictures of these people and read their blogs and comments I am overwhelmed by a sense of hope. Hope of meeting and serving with these incredible children of God. Hope of experiencing life with a new family for a while amidst our Abba.
Mix them together and my tie-dyed emotions look a little chaotic. Things get really stressful sometimes with fundraising, schoolwork, and my practicum. I am overwhelmed by joy when I see my first graders, and get to spend time with my friends. I am completely exhausted by the time it is Wednesday afternoon and then remember I still have a few days left until the weekend, which I will spend doing homework. Some days I freak out because the race is like 10 months away! I have so much left to do! Other days 10 months seems like forever and I want to leave now. To be honest with you I feel as though my emotions have never been very stable. But I like colorful things, and wouldn’t have it any other way.
