I am long past due for a blog. Here are some tidbits of things I wrote while I was in the hospital in Romania. Lying on your back for ten days straight gives you a lot of time to reflect. Some things I have been learning…
• In order to be independent you must be completely dependent on God. (I thought I was supposed to be learning how to be more independent but not even being able to walk to the bathroom on my own, or feed myself has proven how I can do absolutely nothing by my own strength)
• You should not just hope for miracles, you should expect them. (I have seen so many in the past few weeks/months)
• $300 travelers insurance was the best investment I have ever made. (Really future racers it may end up buying you a $100,000 flight for life.)
• Before I left for the race a former racer gave me the advice to “never give up on my team.” That was some of the best advice I have ever taken!” Out of Ashes” and every individual on it will always have a huge part of my heart.
• I am learning that maturity and wisdom can actually be exciting things rather then boring like I originally thought. I am learning how to ask for and receive them. I am also working on letting my words be ordained by God.
This was going to be my Facebook status about a week ago but I was told to put it as a blog instead….
Gods plan for my life often times does not match up with my own. The road He chooses for my life is sometimes dark and scary. It is full of people and places unknown to me. However, sometimes it is the complete opposite of that. For instance in this case He is calling me to go back home. These past three months have been incredible and it is extremely hard to fathom leaving these people I now call my family. I feel frustrated, confused, and angry because I feel as though The Race was such a huge part of Gods plan for my life. I get scared when I think about the fact that I may not be able to fulfill my part of that plan. I can hope and pray to come back but it is hard not to know for sure. It is so hard to keep a brave face right now when I think of leaving these beautiful Romanian children, possibly without even saying goodbye. I love these children so so much! It is so hard to not start baling like a baby whenever I think of being away from my team. This team who has been to Hell and back together and is now the tightest group of people you will ever meet. Feel free to take that as a challenge. I cannot think of all of my other squad mates without wondering when/if I will ever see them again. Those thoughts poison my mind and leave me with the most painful headache imaginable. There are so many amazing things about home, there really are. But I am not ready to be there yet. I do not feel done running the race. So we all know by now I am stubborn right? So rather then lying here and making a quite exit I am going to go out fighting and screaming. I know that you are not supposed to tempt the Lord but I want a little challenge to take place. If this is not Gods plan for my life I can’t even begin to imagine what is. So since He has never before given me a reason to not trust Him that is what I am going to chose to do. I will continue to let Him use my life as He desires to no matter how crazy it may look to me. So once I spend this mouth (or less) on my back healing I am getting back up again. I may be getting back on The Race. I may be a teacher, or a full time missionary, or even a mom someday. The truth is I don’t know Gods plan for my life. But…I do know that it is a lot different and better then the plan I have for mine. I also know that the race is not nearly over for me.
As of right now I am still fundraising and planning on being back with my squad as soon as next month in Nepal. I am healing and growing stronger everyday. Thank you all SOOO much for your prayers and encouragement!
