“Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug.”
Excuse me for the Keisha quote but it really works for what I am about to write about so just roll with it for a second.
Just to clear something up from the title I am not addicted to drugs:). I am however, addicted to people. People’s love in particular. I have fallen victim to a form of idolatry. This sinners best intentions have unintentionally come from a place of selfishness and jealousy. My identity has been formed so many times in the entirely wrong places. I NEED people to love me. I thrive on their love so much so that it consumes me. If you do not love me I will do everything in my power to try and change that, even though I know in my heart that none of it is in my power. So I guess it is in some ways a drug and I am in major need of some rehab.I have been learning lately that what I thought was being selfless in caring so much about others was actually me being pretty selfish by desiring and depending on those relationships. These next 10 months left on the race will be the rehab I need(as long as my treatment continues to get paid for;). With God as my counselor He will rid me of the addiction I have to the love of others. I may have some relapses because I have had this addiction for so long but I know in the end it will be worth it for me and all those I love.
I am declaring right now that I will be able to let go of people who have walked out of my life in the past. I will have an extreme amount of confidence in who I am whether others decide to accept it or not.I will not strive to impress people or pursue people who do not desire for me to pursue them.I will learn how to love people how they need to be loved rather then how I want to love them, and realize the difference. I will be ok with being by myself sometimes. I will finally be able to find my identity solely in the Lord.
So Lord please rid me of this addiction, because after all “the value of my worth was settled at the cross.”
