Ordinary, normal, alike, the same…those words have never been appealing to me. They sound dry and boring and in reality I don’t know the actual meanings of those words. I remember hanging out with one of my best friends acting completely ridiculous, as is our reputation, and I remember her asking, “What do normal people talk about?” She then proceeded to break out one of her numerous accents and talk about the weather. No thanks.
Unique, original, legendary, diverse, ordinary
Now that’s more like it. That’s how I desire to be perceived because to be honest my personality is anything but ordinary. This blog is mostly for my squad mates but if you want to know more about me feel free to continue reading. This is part of my attempt at vulnerability, a window into my life and what makes me who I am. As of right now most of you have only seen a black and white list. Let me add a little bit of color to my story.
I love kids! Yes you probably already know this but it had to be reemphasized because they are just that important to me. I love being a teacher and a nanny and an aunt. Some of you may have to talk me out of adopting a hundred children.
I am a hard-core extravert. My personality test gave me an X on this meaning I was in between introvert and extravert but I disagree with that finding. I hate being by myself. I find it boring and lonely and get a little restless. That being said I feel left out extremely easily. If you see me quite and by myself that usually means something is wrong. I love one on one relationships but also like hanging out in bigger groups. I love getting to know and spend time with people one on one because I find it so much more personal and am able to open up to one person at a time a lot easier then an entire group. I love hanging out in groups and grew up in a really big church. But like I said I feel left out easily. Part of me being an extravert is I want everyone to like me. I have always struggled with making people my number one priority and finding my identity in them. I am continuously in the process of learning that it is ok if someone does not like me. I normally take offense to it because I feel like I am a pretty easy person to get along with. I have had a few people decide that they didn’t like me and walk out of my life for reasons beyond my knowledge. The ideal response would be to let go of them and understand that it is ok if they are gone. The normal response would to be angry and wish mean things upon them. The normal response would be to get upset for a while and then let go. As I have said I am not at all normal. I cannot let go of people. Unfortunately I still love these people who have decided not to love me. In the back of my mind I think I will always dwell on the memories and desire for our friendships and relationships to be the same as they used to be.
I don’t compromise or apologize.
Ouch! That sounds a little harsh. It sounds prideful, distasteful, unloving and just straight up rude. Let me explain a little bit before you jump to conclusions. Although I hate it when people do not like me I do not compromise who I am or the things that I stand for. I will not do anything just to fit in. I may try new things to have a chance to hang out with people I already love, but I will in no way compromise who I am as a person. I do not apologize. I tend to live in the “now”. I do what I want to do and learn from my mistakes. But I enjoy life and live it without regrets. I do not regret or apologize for the things that I do because I enjoy and learn from the memories of them. If I regret something that means that I wish it didn’t happen. There are a few things that at the time I would regret but then I look at the lessons I have learned from those situations and I am actually glad that they did happened.
I love myself, but I am not as important as other people.
I truly believe that I am a princess. Yes once again I sound vain and superficial. “Who is this girl on my squad and can we trade her for someone else?” Keep reading… I have been raised knowing that I am loved by the Heavenly Father, the King of Kings. I usually do and get what I want. The reason for that though is that I normally don’t “want” very much at all. I love myself when others chose not to because I know that my God loves me and that I am created in His image. He made me how I am for a reason so who am I not to like myself? Yes, I have many insecurities just like everyone else in this world. There are some things I really dislike about myself and I am nowhere near perfect. I just chose to love myself for who God has made me to be.
I believe that you are more important then I am, and I will fight for you, and love you with all I have. If you are my friend or a child I know I will literally do anything for you. You are a princess/prince as well and you deserve everyone to treat you like one. I love helping people. I love being there for people in any situation. If someone I know and love is being hurt by any means of injustice I will be their biggest advocate. If one of my friends is crying I will be crying with them if they are rejoicing I will be excited and rejoicing right beside them. This being said I sometimes forget to take care of my own needs and myself. I enjoy pouring into others so much that sometimes I forget I have my own needs and need to be poured into as well. I know this trip will be able to help me find a balance.
I love music. I love singing and Broadway and almost every type of music. Singing brings me joy. You may get annoyed with me singing all the time but it helps fuel me and is a huge part of who I am.
So take me or leave me for who I am. A children loving, insecure, sometimes lonely, passionate, people loving, determined, justice seeking, unapologetic, uncompromising, musical, anything but ordinary, princess.
