Thailand is a country wrought with problems. It’s been the slave to Buddhism for thousands of years. There are giant statues dedicated to numerous idols scattered throughout the landscape. Their presence attracts worshipers and tourists alike who are enthralled and intrigued by their mystique.
Christianity is truly something new in Thailand. It is often received as a young believer does, praying for a midterm exam, or for this trivial thing, or that trivial thing. The power of prayer isn’t truly understood yet. Christianity in Thailand is comparable to the thoughts of a teenager listening to a wise mentor. They don’t quite grasp it yet. Truthfully, I don’t think revealing this is disrespectful, for the Christian leaders in Thailand are aware of the disconnect. They’re trying to narrow the gap between how Christianity is perceived, and how it is practiced.
Further, I’m not saying Thailand is bereft of strong, spiritual leaders who are cultivating a Christian foundation for thousands of people. There are many. Our ministry contact is one of them. He is cultivating a Christian base in a culture that is not closed to it, but at the least not enthusiastic about it. His ministry, which is primarily teenagers, are going to define the path that Thai Christianity walks for generations to come. He is planting the seeds, and probably won’t live long enough to reap the harvest on a grand scale.
His enthusiasm about his work would make it seem like he is unaware of this fact, but he is not. He understands that small steps are huge accomplishments; because they are steps.
Thailand’s problems are numerous. Many would describe it as “spiritually dark.” One thing that sets Asia apart from Central America is Asia does not have a Christian foundation. Central America, despite its problems, has generations of believers. Asia does not have this base. This base is being created by pastors, missionaries and believers that travel and share testimony in Thailand.
We’ve spent a few evenings in Chang Rai’s night market, which is basically a few alleys that have been transformed into a bustling bazaar by the merchants, customers and tourists that populate it.
Some come for the chance to eat grasshoppers, crickets, grubs and other exotic foods like Refreshe and other World Race teams have done. Others come for the opportunity to buy electronics and other knockoffs at basically a 90 percent discount. It’s rumored that the reputable Sky Market in Bangkok, the largest in the world, has Rosetta Stone and other pricy software at roughly $5 a language. If I find it, I’m probably dropping $50 and learning 10 languages.
Other tourists, often Americans, come for the “warm weather.” These tourists are usually older men who are coming for Thailand’s other attraction: the numerous strip clubs and prostitution houses that mottle the city’s directory with their blackness. Clubs like The Womb, The Sperm Pub and others litter the landscape. The buildings are roughly 10 stories tall, their upper floors hosting hotel rooms with balconies; the lower floors beginning to pump dance music at about 1 or 2 a.m.
These atrocities are within a 5 minute walk from our ministry contact. We could not be in a better place. What better place to be praying for hours, singing worship songs, witnessing the ordaining of a new, young pastor, than a 5 minute walk from the height of night life in Chang Rai?
We are trying to be the steel punch for Thailand.
There is a story, that I’m going to tell incorrectly, where one, nefarious country had established an impenetrable mine field to protect its borders. A justified attacker, instead of attacking from many different points, took industrial machines and methodically drove them forward from a single point. When one would trigger a mine, the next would punch through the mine field until another was triggered. Eventually, the borders were breached, the walls of destruction they were confident behind were destroyed, and their attacker was able to infiltrate and destroy them.
B-Squad, presently, is the steel punch for Thailand. Their borders have been fortified for generations by Buddhism, idolatry and other perversions, and we are attacking with a focused objective to try and overcome them.
To the worriers… we are safe. I tell you about Thailand to illuminate and divulge what we’re experiencing. Thailand, despite its faults, is significantly safer than the Central American countries we have been to. It could be that a large majority of their economy is based on tourism, or that they just like Americans (farang), but we have never felt unsafe, even at night.
I’ve been learning a lot about time from the Race and from Andy Stanley, pastor of North Point Community Church. Stanley says, “It is futile for us to try and create something meaningful on our own, because the truth is we really don’t have enough time.” That is not to infer that life is meaningless, or what we do is meaningless, but that our perspective has to change. We cannot be the focus. It is not about us; it’s about what we do with our sparse timeline in the context of what God is doing in his.
One reason I’m on the Race, as I’ve mentioned before, is to find a sense of purpose. Over the months, I’ve come to an alarming realization: I’m so desperate for purpose, any idea about what I could do with my life is seriously considered. Finishing school and pursuing journalism, pursuing photography, pursuing a career in the military, leading a complex life, leading a simple life; not finishing school and learning a trade, or even moving to a different country and merely finding roots and digging in are all viewed in equal measure of sincerity for their merit.
I believe that these thoughts are, in part, stemming from the healthy transition in thought that not having to decide right now is okay. One reason I never changed my major, beyond having a sincere interest in journalism, was because I didn’t want to appear indecisive. I wanted to be above my peers, and above reproached. I wanted to have it all figured out. I believe that the vast majority of my troubles over the last four years was the painful realization that I didn’t have it all figured out, and the denial of that realization.
I know that for some of you, my supporters and friends, this comes as somewhat of a surprise. I know for others it does not.
Was the decision to come on the Race an impulsive choice to snatch at a lifeline that presented itself in a time of need? Yes.
Do I regret that decision? Absolutely not.
Do I have any wavering feelings toward being on the World Race? Absolutely not.
Consider this blog to be one that’s long overdue. I’ve been convicted, for a long time, about being brutally honest with people, mostly about myself. I don’t want to live behind the customary facade that everything is perfect.
Am I struggling to adapt to the demands of the World Race? I would say no.
Am I coming to realizations about myself that are painful? Somewhat.
Do I regret instances where I did not embrace my full potential? Yes.
Am I depressed about it? No.
At one point, sure I was. I have a sense of peace, however, about the actions of my life. My actions have led me here, to Thailand, to attempt to change a nation, and seven more after it.
“Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.” Moses, Psalm 90:2
I have been a disappointment to myself and to loved ones, and I’ve lost things because of it. But that’s okay. That’s part of growing up. The stage that I’m in currently tells me that because I am convicted, and because I am wanting to change things; those things I lost will not define me, but drive me toward a greater future.
“You turn people back to dust, saying, “‘Return to dust, you mortals.’” Moses, Psalm 90:3
For the first time in a long time, I’m in a happy state of mind. I’m excited about what will happen over the next seven months. I’m excited and nervous about what will happen after the Race.
Will I finish school? Who knows.
Will I uproot and find a career elsewhere, in a place I never anticipated? Who knows.
I’m not worried about it. The tar of regret will no longer be the mantle I place on my shoulders each morning. I deny the lies about comparison, inadequacy and failure. These lies no longer have the ability to define me.
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Moses, Psalm 90:12
I am confident when I say that I am maturing. I am becoming the man I want to be, and by secular standards, I’m not even doing anything.
Will I still enjoy childish things? Absolutely.
Will I occasionally prefer a hobby or pastime over blogging or reading the Bible? Absolutely.
Do I believe that I have been freed from many things that couldn’t be enjoyed in moderation? Absolutely.
Will I stay up too late and forget an assignment; will I misallocate my time and make mistakes? Absolutely.
These things are not childish, for if they are, every adult is childish.
I ask of you the same thing I ask for myself: grace. I am doing something that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I am living in it fully. I am riding elephants and holding snakes and praying for the sick and pouring into young people across the world. I am learning to adapt to new personalities and face the buried confrontations of old ones. I am learning lessons that will last and serve me a lifetime. I only ask for your continued support, prayer and love. I miss all of you, and I cannot wait to reveal to you the man I am becoming, and the man I will be at the end of this long journey.
