Well this blog may be kind of long. Maybe not I don’t really know yet. Honestly it’s a lot to process considering Im having trouble getting my thoughts out. But please read all of it. Some of you may have noticed I haven’t blogged since like before my trip to New Orleans and my recent trip to Nicaragua. So id first just kinda like to tell you about those two amazing mission trips. So first off a group of about 15 went to New Orleans in January. We originally planned on going there to work at a food bank and just get involved with the people there and just hear some of their stories.When we got there we discovered that the food bank didn’t serve people on Saturdays (the day we were there). We didn’t know what we were going to do at that point considering our entire day just got kinda jumbled up, but we all just went with it. We spent our day organizing sooooo much food, sorting tons of clothes and cleaning out a storage unit that was packed full. The work we did seemed pointless to some of us and it wasn’t really what we planned on doing there but seeing how happy it made the lady in charge because of the weight we lifted off of her shoulders was so much lighter now. That day we just experienced what it was like to be Jesus for a short little moment of our life. We got to see the love he surrounds us with and the grace he continually gives. This year was my second time going to Nicaragua and my experience was completly different than last years experience. My trip overrall was so incredibly amazing. Seeing people accept Christ into their hearts, seeing people fall to their face because they have finally realized something in their life is pulling them away from God. Just hearing the stories my teammates brought to the table were simply overwhelming. Last year God showed me that I could be used and that he could speak right through me in ways I thought wernt possible. This year my eyes were opened more on my personal thoughts and God just laid so many things on my heart. Sooooo over the past 2 months or so I’ve had a feeling that the race wasn’t entirely for me I guess. I continued ignoring the feeling bc I knew I had been called to the race and it was just all so confusing and stressful for me. Over those months I didn’t even realize how much this was affecting me until Nicaragua. When we were in Nica everyone kept asking me if this trip was getting me more excited for the race and I told them yes but in all honestly I just felt so overwhelmed and it finally hit me that although I thought this was part of Gods plan …it is not, atleast not right now. After many mental breakdowns I’ve decided not to do the race. I didn’t think I could make this decision considering I had so much money raised and so much planning for my future. I thought that I’d be a disappointment not only to my friends and family but to God. But being unhappy for 9 months and disobeying God just because I didn’t want to dissapoint anyone sounded stupid. I’ve prayed about it and I will be leaving in September for a 3 month mission trip to Thailand and Cambodia. The money I have already raised for the race will transfer to my 3 month trip. Thank you guys for the support And understanding.
