It’s GUYS NIGHT here in the Philippines.
Okay, well, technically it’s Guys Month (“Guys Night” has been one of my teammates’ running joke for just about any situation involving one or more guys these last four months). But as I headed into Month 8 and split from my co-ed team to join an all-male team for a month of serving at a home for street boys, it’s finally true. It is indeed “Guys Night”.
Yes, this month is full of testosterone. All this past week, it’s been nothing but laughing, working out, basketball, swimming, hiking, telling stupid jokes, and eating lots of meat. I’m back with my six other brothers from the Squad (we were a “Manistry” team during Month 4 in Belize), and our time together thus far has been a blast. As much as I’ve loved the girls on my co-ed team, it’s been refreshing to be surrounded by guys who are more likeminded.
As each of us has entered into this ministry, we’ve all been aware of the immense responsibility we’ve been given. We are living at the boys home, and are eating, playing, exercising, sleeping, and doing just about everything else alongside fifteen boys ages 14-18. These boys are full of joy and energy, and they love every opportunity they have to make a connection with us. They each have some incredible stories about how God pulled them out of their rough pasts, and are eager to learn from our example for ways to continue to grow into the men of God that they see we are.
But here’s the question – am I really the man of God I want them to aspire to be?
As my team has processed what kind of things to strive for in our month together, this one goal has come up consistently: to push each other to become better men of God. But as inspiring as this goal sounds, I’ve realized that it’s hard to aspire to a goal so unspecific and vague. Each of us men probably has a different idea of what we think a man of God looks like, and we each strive for different ideals based on physical models in our own lives. But what truly is the ultimate goal? And how can I expect to teach these boys how to become a man of God when I don’t know if I’ve even figured it all out?
What does it actually mean to be a man of God?
I’ve wrestled with my own idea of masculinity all of my life. When I was five, my dad signed me up for a soccer team because he promised to buy me a Slurpee if I said “yes” (and I couldn’t pass that up!). Unfortunately, because my Christian background had taught me that stealing was a sin, I fell into an emotional downward spiral every time someone from the opposing team stole the ball from me. I tried again in fifth grade, but very quickly switched to theatre after I shamefully kicked the ball into our own team’s goal. When I hung out with my friends, I preferred to watch a movie or go explore than play sports or wrestle or have a Nerf war. I was praying and gritting my teeth all through my one and only paintball experience at a friend’s birthday party at age 14. I opted out of doing stupid stunts that my friends tried, knowing that my own personal health and well-being was more important than the thrill of riding 40 miles per hour downhill on a scooter to jump off a ramp. When most boys in high school were joining football teams and chasing girls, I was going show to show looking for the next exciting role to take on. I was never the most “normal” boy, and for most of my life, I’ve been mostly okay with it.
But there’s something that I’ve had to get used to as a guy, and it’s this: whenever I join men’s activities, I have to adapt to the crowd. Men’s retreats are often filled with hiking, making fires, killing things, and talking about “man things” like cars, football, and types of craft beer. I, for one, have never had much to contribute to these kind of conversations, but I’ve held my words and listened in, dropping my voice a little lower and nodding in agreement as if to feel like I’m “one of the guys”. Really, I do love time spending time with guys, if nothing more than to feel that I’m able to fit in, even if who I am as a “guy” looks almost nothing like the rugged outdoorsman than everyone else around me seems to be.
But the World Race has changed my perspective a bit. Going into the Race, I expected to have to put on a front to fit in with the guys of my squad. Luckily, as I’ve grown closer with these guys, I’ve been able to find that each of them have their own personalities and interests and deficiencies and quirks that don’t quite fit the usual “man” mold that I thought I needed to fit. Throughout this year, I’ve beep learning to release my own ideas of what a “man” looks like in order to accept that I am as much a man of God as my brothers are. God had been slowly strengthening my understanding of myself since the beginning of training camp, and Month 4 was a great month of healing for me, as I felt I was able to settle into who I know myself to be a little better than I ever had in experiences past. And in this, I was able to find a bond growing between us that month, as us guys were able to talk frankly about our pasts and current struggles, and expressed interest in digging deeper into the Word to find truth.
Yes, “manhood” isn’t defined by my ability to fit an image or identify with a list of qualifying interests. Thank God. But unfortunately, I’m learning there’s still far deeper to go into this concept of Biblical masculinity than finding out identity in the outward features of our manly Bible heroes.
As we’ve stepped back into “Manistry” with seven months of the Race under our belt, we’ve got a lot of questions. The past year have been predominately spent alongside women in co-ed team situations, and throughout this time we’ve each wrestled with understanding our responsibility and role in a co-ed team setting – one that is often led by women. We know that we have the unique responsibility in co-ed teams to lead and protect the women well, but we often struggle to understand what that means, especially when the girls seem to have expectations of us that we don’t know how to fulfill. How do we as men lead and protect our sisters, even without a leadership role? Furthermore, how do we do that in the world?
Going into Month 8, we’re also aware of how tired we are. These pst two months have been the most challenging yet, and many of us have wrestled with wanting to go home. From the last seven months of traveling and adapting and adventuring and choosing to care about a million different people and situations we know nothing about, we’re running on low. And entering into this month’s ministry where we’re loving on this group of rambunctious boys, it’s easy to feel like we’ve got very little left to give. And yet, we’re all far too stubborn to consider actually going home. Because at the end of the day, all of us wants to finish this thing. Because not one of us wants to be known as a “quitter”.
It’s easy to see why the Race has been hard for a lot of us guys. Most men are wired towards accomplishing goals, which makes missions a challenge when ministry is more relational and less progressive. It’s hard for men to put a lot of hard work and effort into something that bears little (or late) fruit. And yet, this is what most of us have struggled with on this Race – not that we’re not able to see progress in our ministry, but most often, we leave without ever really getting to see the fruit. And when we leave, we ask ourselves “what was the point of all that hard work if I really didn’t see any big change?”
As the men of our squad, we are wrestling with understanding our own purpose – in our ministry, and in our own teams. Who am I to the people around me? Am I doing enough to fulfill that purpose? And if not, how can I do better at fulfilling that purpose?
God has given man the specific wiring and anointing to be good stewards, warriors, protectors, and initiators in this world. And yet, as men consider their physical responsibility in the world – doing good work and raising good families – I’m finding that it’s quite often that the heart of pursuing God gets sidelined by our desire to accomplish things for the Kingdom. It’s so much easier for most girls to find fulfillment in their spiritual walk with Jesus, because most women have been better wired for relationship and intimacy than men are. We endlessly pursue the concept of being a “man of God” with physical actions – making bold choices, fighting for justice, and loving our women better – but how often do we consider that these actions don’t create intimacy with the Lord, but that intimacy should be the ignition for our actions?
We’re all aware that missions programs, and the church in general, struggles to attract men to leadership role – our own squad has 34 women and 7 men! Why is that? Why is it hard to get men engaged with following Jesus?
Is it possible that being a man of God has less to do with fulfilling an image or accomplishing a goal, and more to do with intimacy, love, and obedience?
Over and over this past year, God has been teaching me two very important lessons:
1) Doing things for God, with the purpose of growing closer to God, perpetuates a deceased Old Covenant grace.
2) The World Race will not change me or bring me closer to Christ – I am the only steward of my spirituality.
We as men struggle to find fulfillment in our lives when progress falls away. We struggle to see the point in our work when it seems like it isn’t enough to make a difference. Consequently, it’s hard to feel like God loves us when our daily actions don’t feel like they’re “enough”. And yet, as I’ve struggled with this throughout the Race, I continually come back to the fact that I am not going to be the one man that changes the world. Because the whole purpose of coming on this Race is not to make change in the world by our own hands, but to be a vessel of change fueled by the only One who can actually make a difference.
Why do we as men miss this? Why do we pursue identity in our actions or our cultural depictions of manhood? Why do we care so much about modeling the physical attributes of the Bible’s mighty men, instead of modeling the spiritual integrity and depth of loving intimacy that these men had with their Creator? Why do we devalue the VITAL IMPORTANCE of being intimate with Jesus, and instead put our relational identity in our works?
This month, our ministry together looks a lot different than past months. Instead of a regular schedule of daily activities, we are given short outreach opportunities every day, with plenty of time set aside for spending time with the boys and discipling them. This sometimes can look like taking them out for ice cream, going swimming together at the nearby pool, or even going out to see the latest superhero movie. This month, we’re not accomplishing much physically, but we have the unique responsibility to give what has been given to us. To not pour out from a false identity, but from an overflow in our hearts.
As I’ve been walking through these first couple of days, I’ve learned that the true mark of a Godly man is NOT in fulfilling the clichéd ideas of masculinity that our culture perpetuates, but in falling so in love with the Lord that we live out our life callings as fighters, protectors, leaders, and good stewards of the things God has given us. Because the true mark of a Biblical man is not found in what he does, but in Who he does it with.
This month is going to be full of adventure, laughter, and lots of testosterone. But I pray at the end of it, we look not at what we accomplished, but at how much of Jesus we saw in the midst of it.
It’s gonna be a SICK Guys Night.
“I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn, that the Lord may establish his word that he spoke concerning me, saying, ‘If your sons pay close attention to their way, to walk before me in faithfulness with all their heart and with all their soul, you shall not lack a man on the throne of Israel.’” 1 Kings 2:2-4
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Check out photo highlights from our team’s first week in Antipolo City, Philippines!
