I could’ve seen this one coming.
At the beginning of last month, as we were about to begin our month in Nicaragua, my team was instructed to meditate on Ephesians 3:14-21. Over and over we read it, and each person found a different verse highlighted to them. For me, it was verses 14-15:
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.”
And being that we were about to go into All Squad Month, guess which word popped out?
Yup. Family.
Yes, it seemed kind of like a simple thing to learn. In fact, I could’ve already told you the things I would learn before I even started the month. I couldn’t imagine God would really rock my world with this lesson. But as it turned out, He did.
In Nicaragua, God taught me about family. And in a completely different way than I expected.
All Squad Month is a very special month on the World Race. Normally, our giant squad of 43 (and 3 squad leaders) is split up into 7 teams and spread out across the country we are assigned to. Sometimes, two teams will share a ministry, but for the most part, we don’t see the rest of our squad except for when we travel between countries. So, to have an entire month of ministry with the entire squad is a rare privilege that stands apart from the rest of the months on the Race.
However, going into the month, I wasn’t too thrilled. Sure, I was excited to see all my squad mates, and get to spend more quality time with a lot of them. But, as I had just come from a month of living solely with my 6 other team members in Costa Rica (who I adore, by the way), I wasn’t that pumped to throw another 40 people into the mix. I loved the intimate nature of small team ministry, because it gave me the sense that I played an important part of the team. And already our team had found our groove, so I worried that getting tossed into such a large group of people would throw that off.
But alas, as I had no choice, I decided to smile and trust God would give us a great month. And if he didn’t… Ah well – It’s only a month.
Living with 43 people had its challenges. All of the guys shared one room – which, if you know how dandy men normally smell after a sweaty day of ministry, you’d understand just how sacred our one bottle of Febreze became. Meal times meant all of us sat at the same long table, and had to be constantly aware of each other and their needs – especially those that were sick. Washing dishes afterwards took up to almost an hour some days. Wifi was limited because we tended to crash the server if we all decided to Skype home at the same time. And during our ministry times, we had to continually split ourselves up into smaller groups to fit on the back of the trucks (when both trucks were working – we managed to fit 43 of us plus 15 local church members on the back of a single truck one time!).
Ministry consisted of door to door ministry to local villages. Each day, we would hop on the back of a truck, not knowing where we were going to be dropped off. Some days, we would show up prepared to share a Gospel presentation with worship and a message, only to find out nobody showed up to listen to us and we would have to change plans. In these cases, we visit homes in small groups, and take turns sharing the Gospel with the members of each house. Sometimes, people would receive our message with joy. Other times, we would get a lot of pointed questions and blank stares. Ministry was hard, and often discouraging. But the moments where we got through to someone, I couldn’t have been more proud of the people around me.
We also had a lot of time off. We typically would do ministry for about 4 hours a day (which, considering travel time and the heat, felt like a lot longer), and were given the remaining hours of the day to rest. Most would spend that time sleeping, reading, play card games, watching movies, or spending time with the Lord. Some nights, we would get together for squad worship or a short message from our leaders. We also had a “love wall” and a “thankfulness tree”, where we could leave notes of encouragement for someone on the squad, and note things we were thankful for. And one night a week, we would have “Family Fun Time GO!”, which was our way of spending time together through goofy activities and team building exercises (which, if you haven’t been on Facebook yet to see my team’s “Lion King” reenactment from our lip sync battle… go treat yourself right now).
After a couple of weeks, I started to grow accustomed to life with 43 people. In fact, I actually started to love it. And the more I fell in love with it, the more I wondered why I was so uncomfortable with the idea in the first place.
I realize now that living in deep community is a beautiful thing. Reading in Acts about the early church, my heart is warmed by the idea of living in such beautifully intimate community. In those days, the church lived together, ate together, and prayed together. They gave of their gifts and belongings to serve each other. They lived in constant relationship with one another. The early church was a family. However, if I’m being honest, I haven’t always wanted that.
Family is hard. It requires patience with people who don’t agree with you. It requires you to trust others in vulnerability even if you don’t know them as well as you’d like. It requires selflessness to consider others’ needs before your own, and to take yourself out of the spotlight.
In Nicaragua, I thought God would teach me about family through observation and reflection. I didn’t expect Him to challenge my lifestyle.
It was this month that God showed me how selfish I’d been. There were many cases where I wanted to do things my way. Where I considered my relationship with God better than that of my squad mates. Where I wanted myself to be glorified by the work I did.
I realized that my theology and relationship with the Lord revolved largely around me. And unfortunately, I was wrong.
Throughout All Squad Month, God brought up parts of my pride that clashed against His family model. I love my alone time and value my personal intimacy with the Lord, but God often asked me to step out more and invest in others I might not normally talk to. I love to talk and to lead the group in ministry, but God asked me to stay silent sometimes so that others could take the lead. I love to be affirmed and noticed by other people, but God asked me to take my gaze off myself and affirm the good in my squad mates to love them better.
And as God started pulling me out of myself this month, I saw so much more in my squad than I had ever seen before. I heard beautiful testimonies of God’s faithfulness in the lives of my squad mates. I saw people step out of their comfort zones in ministry, even when I knew their fear. I got to learn from some of the most incredible minds on my squad. I felt incredible love for people I barely knew. I began to listen to the things God said about people, instead of only caring about what He said about me. I learned to love others with my whole self, and not just out of obligation, but because I knew God already did the same. And in seeing the beauty in the individual pieces of this family fabric, I saw God’s heart come alive.
I guess I forgot that life with Christ is meant to be lived in community. That Jesus, the Son of God, was not a lone wolf, but surrounded himself with brothers. That all believers under Jesus are considered adopted sons and daughters of God, and are therefore one family under Him. That ministry isn’t about what I accomplish on my own, but what God does through the body of Christ.
Jesus loves family so much, He died for it. And if I lived with that mentality, all fear of what people see in me vanishes. Because when I walk alongside a family that loves like Jesus loves, why wouldn’t the people we minister to want to be a part of that?
Family is the very heart of God. And really, it’s the entire reason I’m going around the world this year. Because the family I’ve been adopted into is so beautiful, I want the whole world to be a part of it.
Looking back now, I cherish the beauty of the moments my squad spent together in family. Whether it was boarding down the side of a volcano, or exploring an old city, or praying for people in villages, or encouraging each other through love notes, or worshipping on the street, or riding in the back of a rickety truck, or playing games with children, or staring up at the stars and wondering at the mysteries of God, I savor these memories knowing that in them, God was smiling.
This month, my squad celebrated Thanksgiving together. And going into the holiday, I knew it could have been rough. I missed my traditions, my American Thanksgiving food, and the warmth of spending time with my home family.
But this year, God gave me a new family full of amazing, hilarious, life giving, adventurous, passionate, world changing Jesus freaks. And I couldn’t have been more thankful.
“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14
Check out this video montage for highlights from our month in Nicaragua!
