After sleeping roughly 12 hours to knock out the jet lag, I woke up to realize, this is real life.
I’m actually in Spain, pursuing this dream which was birthed 2 years ago in South Africa.
God is so faithful
The first day of class opened with Gary and Lisa Black sharing their stories with the class. After an emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows, truth, and love, Lisa firmly stated, she will become aggressive if we continue believing lies the enemy tells us.
Not 5 seconds later, the sound bytes I’ve heard for decades started playing in my head.
“You’re an outcast”
“You don’t deserve love”
“You’re an addict”
“It’s all you are, it’s all you’ll ever be”
I wanted to hug them after hearing their story. As I was walking by, Lisa asked if she could hug me. After the embrace, I offered that I’ve been believing lies for too long and that I look forward to working through that with them.
Little did I know, I was about to receive what I asked for, in a huge way.
After class reconvened, Gary started praying over the lies we’ve been told. Almost immediately Holy Spirit started doing surgery and, as is tradition, I began weeping. Lisa prayed over me, speaking against lies of the enemy.
Ethan said loudly, “Jonathan, you don’t need a fresh word. God has already given you all the truth you need, it’s just up to you to believe what you have already been told. So, start speaking out the words He has already given you!”
“Out loud? Right now?” I inquired.
“YES!” Ethan and Gary shouted in unison.
“I am Loved”
“I am Accepted”
“I am Free”
“That’s it!” proclaimed Ethan, “That’s the one. Say it again!”
“I am free”
“Louder!”
“I am free!”
“LOUDER STILL”
“I AM FREE!!!” I declared in a battle cry which seemed to open the flood gates of heaven and shake the doors off of this cage of rejection and addiction I’ve been sulking in for the last 15 years.
In that moment, I felt as though I transitioned from disbelief and wondering if God’s promise of freedom He gave me 7 years ago was true, to actually standing in confidence that the generational curses were completely broken.
The freedom I have been so desperately longing for, is truly mine to walk in.
2 days later during worship, I was thanking God for the new revelation of freedom and I was hit hard with another epiphany. Not only am I accepted, I have been CHOSEN. Not just Sunday service head knowledge that Jesus died for my little ol’ sins. It is a deep, transformative understanding that, sure he died for everyone, but even if I was the only one on that planet, even if I didn’t choose him, He chose to give his life for ME because he delights in me and wants to know me personally.
My shepherd left the 99 to come pull His little rebel Jonathan out of the gutter
Before, it was head knowledge. In this moment, the revelation moved to my heart and changed me.
At this realization, I crumpled to the floor in another puddle of thankful, joyous tears.
After a moment, Matt and Ariel (housemates) came to pray for me.
Ariel said, “His love is pouring out like gold, filling the cracks in my foundation. Lies are drying up and being brushed off.”
Matt said “laugh at the lies” and began laughing out loud.
At that moment I began laughing (and crying) from my innermost being. I know, it sounds like a hot mess, (and it was) however, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Literally years of internalized pain vanished in a few minutes with the Holy Spirit.
There’s nothing like it.
When a person knows they are Chosen by God, rejection has no choice but to leave.
When Truth is spoken over a lie, the lie must leave.
Since then, when a lie pops up in my head, I simply tell it to leave and speak truth over myself. After a few weeks, it retrains your brain so the default is Truth. This is what Paul is talking about in 2 Corinthians when he says, “taking every thought captive to obey Christ.”
Oh, the wonders of neuroplasticity. It’s a simple fix to a lifelong problem. You should try it some time.
What are the lies that haunt you at night?
Will you take the time and allow Holy Spirit to speak truth to you?
I promise you it’s worth it.
