Welcome inside my head:
Verbal/Written processing through a blog post.
I am not a “causal sports fan.” Not in the slightest. A week ago I was on cloud 9. My favorite football team , the Minnesota Vikings made possibly the greatest play in playoff history. It took me about an hour to settle down and go to bed when the game concluded.
I sit here today in a completely different state of emotions. I am distraught. I am so incredibly frustrated at the Vikings for coming out and playing like absolute trash and losing in such a disgraceful way.
I am beyond frustrated. I am frustrated at the Vikings but I am even more frustrated at myself.
Why do I care so much?
How can my emotional state be so affected by something I have absolutely no control over?
Why is the joy that Christ gives me so easily robbed by something that has no spiritual significance?
It’s something that I have questioned time and time again but as I reach the point where I am once again so frustrated I realize I need to do more than wonder why I am so emotionally invested. This needs to be addressed.
Why do I let myself become so invested in something that I, in reality, have no affect of?
To me, it’s an anomaly.
Maybe because it seems like it’s a way to be justifiably prideful. When my team is good I can talk about them and how good they are without feeling like I’m being arrogant because I’m just stating facts.
Maybe it’s because I have never been good enough to be on a professional team and it feels good to be “a part” of something greater than myself, living vicariously through those who are actually playing.
Maybe it comes from a source of insecurity. That I need to be a part of something bigger to have some sort of value, which really sounds idiotic when this something bigger is The N F L instead G O D.
Whatever it is, whatever the reason is that I let myself become so invested in something I am not really a part of is ridiculous. It is something I need to work on and fix. I can only control what I can control. I can better myself through my own actions, not through talking about and celebrating the actions of others I don’t even know.
Football in itself is not inherently evil. in face even after this verbal processing I still plan on watching football as much as I did before because I find it fun to watch, but getting to the point where I found myself being so emotionally upset about something that I have no control of that I am pounding my fist on my leg is childish and embarrassing to admit. I am 7,810 miles away from Philadelphia! The Vikings don’t even know I am here in Zimbabwe so why on earth should I care so much about what they are doing in Philadelphia ?
And at the end of the day, today the Vikings got their butts kicked, but these greater truths remain eternal.
I am part of something greater than anything this earth can offer.
I am part of team that will never lose because the opponent has already been vanquished.
I have joy that this world has no right to take away.
God you have been, are and always will be so so good. I am sorry I have been, still am, and will always be an idiot. Thank you for sticking with me and being my teacher anyway.
