3 months after it’s release in theaters we finally got to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi and I was ecstatic to see my favorite character make an appearance.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away a wise humanoid named Yoda from the planet Dagoba once taught a boy named Luke Skywalker,
“Do or do not, their is no try.”
Growing up I loved this quote and one could say I embodied it in my every day life. Unfortunately, I did so in an unhealthy way.
I would do or do not. If I didn’t know what the outcome of my actions would be I wouldn’t do it. Most of the time this required a need for success in order to act. I would either
A) not DO anything that had a history of failure.
Or
B) not TRY anything that I may not be good at.
In my friend group I almost always felt secure. However, outside of that group due to my struggle with insecurity, I viewed failure as a means of being even more of a outcast to the norm that I perceived myself to be.
How this looked was struggling to do things like…
~start new friendships outside of my friend group
~talk to girls
~speak up while in a group of people
~playing sports or games I had a 60% or more chance of losing/ not being competitive in
~do as little dancing as tapping my foot on a dance floor.
My motto for a long time was basically, “Why try if I might fail?”
However, recently it was released to the public what Yoda said in his last teaching to a now much older Luke. He told him,
“The greatest teacher, failure is”
Man I wish this exchange between Luke and Yoda came out earlier in my life. Really it wasn’t until this past year when I realized the true power of failure.
I was listening a couple months back to a Ted Talk called “A Better You” from June 16th, 2017 referred to me by my friend Danny. In it the first speaker talks about how he overcame a fear of rejection through “rejection therapy”. What he did was for 100 days he asked people to do things he expected people to say no to.
The first day he asked someone if he could borrow $100 from a stranger.
The second day he asked for a “burger refill.”
He talks more about how he pursued rejection the next 98 days. This way he could get used to rejection and not be so disheartened when it happens in every day life.
For me mentally, rejection is the worst kind of failure. Not being accepted or being told no is why I used to struggle with the list from before and whywhen I’m not around people I’m comfortable with. I still periodically struggle with things to this day like…
~trying to learn a new language
~stating my opinion
~initiating a conversation with someone I don’t know
~working out anything besides cardio
~trying to dance when I know others around me are better
My fear of failure and rejection has gotten a lot better over the last year (especially over these last 5 1/2 months).
It’s gotten better because I’ve seen how great of a teacher failure is. If,
~ I fail to say a word right > I say it better next time or at least get a laugh out of the local teaching me.
~ I say my opinion and it gets turned down > no one judges me for it, I feel better that I gave my input and they aren’t mad I did. In fact they are happy that I voice my opinion.
~ I try to talk to someone new, 98% of the time people embrace the conversation (if their isn’t a language barrier). Also, if they do turn me away > I leave happy I at least tried.
~I am significantly weaker than the rest of the guys on my team (and the rest of the people in the gym) > I can grow in it, get stronger, and grow closer as a team through it.
~ I make a fool of myself dancing > people usually enjoy that more than a good dance anyway (this remains the hardest to actually put into practice).
That all said, I’d just like to plead to you all to embrace the possibility or even certainty of failure. Failure in itself is a success. No, I’m not saying everyone gets a trophy even when you fail. But what I am saying is, it’s ok to not win a trophy. It’s ok because you learned something you wouldn’t have if you just stayed at home and never tried.
“Do or do not, their is no try.”
A younger me looked at this quote and interpreted it as, ” know whether you will succeed or fail and then act. However, now, an older and maturer me interprets this as when the spirit leads do or do not without an expectation of success or failure. Give it your all and don’t worry about your skills or abilities and how good of an effort you can give. You will succeed or fail. Success is ideal but the beautiful thing is, if you fail it’s ok because it’s true, “the greatest teacher, failure is.”
Now go out there and be a failure!
