Training camp, where the days go slow but yet somehow 10 days have never gone by so fast. It was such an awesome time filled with worship, lessons, practice field scenarios, eating strange foods like cooked crickets and chicken gizzard, plenty of cold bucket showers and my favorite getting to know my squad. It was also a time where I cried twice for the first time in a long time. God is moving. There was a lot to these last 10 days, but to avoid making this blog turn into a book I want to hit the highlights for me.
Man Time: The man hike on the Appalachian trail was amazing. From the start we climbed 1,000 ft in the first hour to get to the top. With the view from up there you can just see such beauty. It’s views like that, that just reconfirm to me that the earth was not made by some random event. It was made by a God who loves us and shows that love through the beauty of His creation. After completing the 12 mile or so hike we had the opportunity to camp out and get to know each other on a deeper level.
Getting to know my squad: I can’t put into words how great this B squad is. It’s hard to believe I only met them in person for the first time 10 days ago, as I already trust them like I’ve known them for the last 10 years. This squad is filed with such amazing men and women of God that I have the honor to serve alongside this upcoming year. One night we had an offsite camp out night where we took our food and sleeping supplies to a nearby camp ground. Usually in a group of 19 you have those people who sit around and wait for the food to be ready and don’t really contribute, but not this squad. Everyone was finding things to do and ways to help which to me really just showed how much everyone is committed to this group. After eating we took time to go to the lake and sit on a dock and just be in community and spend some time in worship under the stars and it was amazing. I could go on and on about this squad and how great they are, not even to mention the true blessing that our leadership team and the others who work there are. Oh and we killed it at Squad Wars.
Worship: Worship has always been a way I enjoyed connecting to God but worship these last 10 days was on a new level. I’ve been to a lot of retreats, conferences and other worship settings but never before have I been around so many people praising God with so much heart and desire as those around me did this past week.
Sessions: The sessions were simply amazing. They had great depth and so many great one liner mottos to live by including:
“You will be remembered for how you love.”
“It’s not about knowing about Him, it’s about knowing Him.”
“Truth: reality as it is, not how it seems to be”
“If life was as easy as we expected we wouldn’t get to see God’s faithfulness in the struggles of reality.”
“Whenever you fill a role that isn’t naturally you, people begin to love you for the role you play over who you truly are.”
“You can’t fear someone you love.”
“Without the power, the gospel is not good news. It’s just another religion.”
“Do not subject God to our logic, instead subject our logic to God.”
“Scripture is absolute, my interpretation is not.”
“Scripture needs to become an action not just a belief”
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.”
“If your life only consists of others stories your life is just an echo.”
And my favorite:
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.”
What broke me first:
One night I broke down and started crying in the middle of worship. I was just suddenly overwhelmed with peace and the truth that God is good. I had been struggling with wanting all the answers and control over my life. I had gotten to the point before where I felt at ease with following God’s calling on my life as long as I knew where he was calling me and what was coming next. This way I still had some sort of grip and control on my life. That night God helped me release that grip I still had. I wrote this prayer to help me through the process.
God, I give up control. You are good. I don’t need to worry about the future because you are good. You have always provided for me because you are good. You will always continue to provide for me because you are good. God my wildest dreams and expectations can never compare to your power and ability because you are good. God you a lone are all I’ve ever needed because you are good. God you are all I ever need because you are good.
To be true, I already have had some moments where I try to grip on and take some control again but I now have realized this and am working on getting better at trying to release that control day after day.
What broke me again:
One of the last nights we did a market place simulation. The idea of it sounded awesome and I was really excited for it. But I was not at all ready for the emotional hit. The staff did an amazing job at simulating all aspects of the market. They had loud food vendors, locals, robbers, tourists, slightly corrupt authority figures, gang vehicles, a “king” driving through, loud blaring music and the poor residents begging for money. This last one hit me hard. I understood it was a simulation but it still broke me knowing it was so real in so many other places. My heart broke and I was able to hold my emotions in for a little while but shortly after the market simulation was over I couldn’t hold back the tears. Poverty is so real, and the classic question why does God let that happen is something I still don’t understand and am still struggling through. It hurts. But I do know God is undoubtedly good. And I know without darkness there can’t be light and without being broken God cannot rebuild us into who He made us to be. It’s hard but it’s why I signed up for this trip. To serve the less fortunate see people as God does and to try to have His heart for people.
