It’s been close to two years since finishing the race. Has it been hard? You bet! Has it been good? Of course! So during the race I heard about a discipleship program in Spain called G42. I met some awesome people that went through the program and have lived a life I wanted to model. Therefore, I figure this is a next great step, and this is where God wanted me. After the race, I was only home a month, and then I begin my journey to Spain. God showed up amazingly in spiritual aspect of the world race and also financial. I believed nothing less for my journey in Spain, but I didn’t expect Him to show up the way He has this time. Not knowingly I signed up for a 6 month program that is going to take me 2 years to finish! If someone would have told me that this would have happened I surely would not have gone to Spain. I would have picked something Else! None the less, I did not know this would be the case so I pressed on.
I came out here to Spain last year and I was here from Jan-Mar of 2011. I had lack of support therefore I had to come home. At the end of my first term in Spain, one of the teachers here named Andrew Sherman made an announcement before the entire class. I had just finished talking with him and he said, “John Smith has made a promise before the Lord that he would came back in October to finish the program.” In my mind it was very simply to do. I would go back to the states work for a few months and then come back in Oct of 2011. THAT WAS NOT THE CASE. That was my plan to come back in six months, but God had a much different plan that would end up taking me 19 months to get back.
My journey before going to Spain I have had problems recieving God’s love. This concept was tough for me. Especially because I had believed in earning my own grace and being unworthy in accepting His. This struggle only grew for me. After leaving here from Spain. I got angry because God had not shown up the way that I wanted. I was ready to finish the rest of my time here and move on into my calling that God has given me. Durning these last 19 months I have spent traveling to six different places. It was a time of being unstable and no security. I worked tons of seasonal jobs, and I have met alot of people along the way. It seemed like everything I did it would fall apart. I tried and tried to not to come back here to Spain and move on with my life. God simply took all of my plans and dismantled all of them. I begin to get angry and fill sorry for myself, because life seemed like it was going no where. God had seemed very quiet and didn’t understand anything about my future. During this time period I was not in life giving activities, and I engaged in deathly activities. This was the lowest spot that I have every been in durning my walk with the Lord. Thus, I had no passion for HIm and even thought about walking away from the Lord. At one point I just wanted to die (some strong missionary I am huh).
However, though all of the awfulness, God presereved me still. After a rough season in Wyoming I was able to get to Colorado. There I got to spend some good time with some awesome friends. I was finally able to get back in church. I was away from there for a long time! Every preacher that spoke for a few Sundays had sermons that were right on time! All this time I’m still struggling with God’s love through the entire process until one special Sunday. On July 1st, I was at service, and this Pastor begins to talk about what’s grace and what is our part. This serman hit home with me and I listen with all ears. He begin to explain the gospel and it all fell freshly upon my heart. He explained how God’s holliness, purification, and sanctification was all given freely by Him. I never heard it this clear before ever. That day something shifted in my heart and I finally got it! It’s all God’s!! I can not earn grace He gave it to me! He Loves me. That revelation after searching for it has finally fallen fresh upon me!!
Every since that Sunday. I now live life as a man loved by God. He finally gave me the missing peace to the puzzle. Thus, what did that have to do with me not being in Spain until 19 months later. Well, God took time to discipline me and make me strong again. The life I want to live I can not live unless I know I’m loved by God. The things that are taught here I can not recieve unless I know I am loved by God! Finally, on God’s timing He revealed it to me and now I got the entire picture.
I am currently here in Spain. I have been back for a month and with God’s revelation of HIs love in my heart. He has made me a dangerous man. The wonderful teachings and lifestyles that is imparted here at G42 I can now live out in my life! It feels good to be loved! It feel even better to know it and live in it!
