Going in to Romania, I really had a renewed energy, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I was beyond excited to see the snow, feel the cold air, and experience winter at its finest. One of the things I was committed to was identifying the challenge that the month held, and throwing my shoulder into it. Not ignoring it, or just letting it be and going around it, but going full force into what the Lord had for me.
So we show up in Romania, and the weather is awesome. Our whole squad is living together, and our lodging turns out to be super great. We find out we’re keeping our team of 4, and that’s super awesome. We meet our ministry host, and he’s incredible. We find out what our ministry is, and it’s really exciting as well. So after a few days had gone by and we’d all gotten settled in, I realized I had a problem. I didn’t have a challenge.
I was so excited for a challenge to throw itself into my face, so I could identify it, suck it up, and walk with the Lord through it, however tough. Whether a tough teammate or lousy ministry or hard living conditions….but we had none of that! So I was stuck, and a little frustrated. Life’s not supposed to be this easy! I’m supposed to be in a hard place where I’m forced to learn something!
Then, about a week in, I realized that my challenge for the month was, yes, not having a challenge.
It’s easy to be authentic and genuine and dependent when I show up to my time with the Lord in the morning, and desperately feel the need for His help in my life. Or when I stop and pray in the middle of the day because I feel like I can’t handle things on my own, and I feel powerless without the Lord.
But, if you know me at all, you know that it’s very easy for me to be overly self-confident. And when everything seems to be going great, and it’s smooth sailing, it’s hard for me to remember to fully depend on the Lord. To bring my heart to a place of desperation, an acknowledgement of who the Lord truly is in my life, and how I am nothing without Him. I want to live in this state, I want to live a life that reflects that heart posture……but it’s not easy, and definitely doesn’t come naturally.
So my challenge for the month was learning to live in that place. Some days went better than others, and I definitely did better during the first half of the month than the second half. But it’s something I’m continuing to grow in, and am taking with me into this month. Philippians chapter 1 gives some solid instruction on this. In Romania I preached a sermon out of Philippians 1, and as usual, the Lord was continuing to teach me things from it as I was preparing to share.
