Wow, I honestly can't believe I'm writing a blog. This is a first. I'm even going to try and use the write grammar, punctuality and everything. I might even use two spaces inbetween each sentence.
I think this one will cover a wide variety of my thoughts. It might get a little sloppy and crazy, but I'll give yall what I got.
Change, it's happened alot in my life lately.
It wasn't until recently, almost two years ago that I finally found someone to fill that emptiness inside of me. That was the best change in my life no doubt. Receiving Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Growing up I always fought it. I didn't want to give in. Every sermon I heard, or moment during praise and worship that almost brought me to tears because I wanted to surrender it all to God, but I wouldn't do it. I fought back the tears and felt like an emotional volcano. But once I got outside I was back in my comfort zone of living life my way.
I searched for fulfillment in relationships, the military and other emptiness.
It wouldn't do it for me. It couldn't.
After I accepted Christ, I still went my way on some things. Not realizing how drastically things needed to and were going to actually change with a true commitment to Him.
It wasn't long before I was on my own in a new city, new job, a new life. No family, friends, or pups nearby. I thought I was "o.k." and "strong" spiritually and I could handle being on my own until I found a new "church family" to be with. Well I wasn't. Funny how your plans don't always work out huh?
I soon became consumed with work. That was it. Barely any time for God. Then slowly but surely I found myself slipping down that slope falling back into my own ways. I know God is faithful and brought me through it all or else I wouldn't be here writing right now.
Things that I thought were in my past came back to make me miserable. Feelings, memories, or temptations; I was falling fast.
I thank God for my older brother. He was a stronghold for me in Christ. He built me up, encouraged me, and would get me back on focus when he knew I was falling away.
After about 6 months of being on my own, God brought me to the christians at Westside of San Antonio. Instantly I knew I found my new family. There is no coincidence, luck, fate, or karma when you realize God is in control. Talk about a warm welcome, these people truly brought me in like family. Overnight I felt re-energized and had the right focus with Christ at the center again. He showed me there is a big difference from proclaiming to be a Christian and actually following Christ. I don't care what you call me. Christian, a believer, religious, or a crazy. As long as I am only trying to follow Jesus Christ then I know He will make me who I need to be.
God used people in San Antonio to save me from so much. I don't think they understood how much I needed them and fellowship with my brothers and sisters. There is no love like that in Jesus Christ.
Change: Now I'm leaving the "perfect life" for a bachelor. The job with so many great career opportunities is gone. The feeling of having everything "my way" and being in "control" is gone. Comfort zone, gone. Living with a spoon always in my gallon of ice cream in the freezer cause I knew no one else would touch it, even thats gone. Is Christ worth it? When I weigh what I've "given up" compared to what He gave up on the cross, the question answers itself.
I've left San Antonio just when things got to be home. My family in S.A. doesn't want it to happen, I don't even really want it to happen. But this change has to come. I can't even stay with my family I grew up with.
I'm leaving family behind for now. My parents. My brothers. My sister. My nieces. My pups. And I know things will change by the time I come back. But I can't let what I've always "known" or "understood" keep me from following what God has put on my heart.
It's time to follow God like never before.
Do I need to go on a mission trip to "find God"? Of course not. He's right there, just waiting for us to cry out to Him. But I feel its time for me to live completely by faith and focus only on Him. Everyday. 24/7. No where to run or "be on my own".
Am I trying to follow these people on the World Race? Am I going on this trip for adventure? Am I trying to follow my emotions? Am I trying to follow God how I want Him to be? Am I trying to be religious?
With every part of my being, NO.
I'm only trying to follow Jesus Christ. No other man. I'm trying to follow His word in my life.
Words can explain the Gospel of Jesus, but they can't explain the peace, love, and joy in my soul that can only come from the Creator.
No matter what this life brings, I will only follow Him with His help. When the troubles come and the heartache is there, I know He is still right there with me and will bring me through it. Death doesn't scare me, I know He will bring me through that as well. There is no hope like that in Jesus Christ.
And I can call that hope mine. I dont want to live this life any other way. Look around this world, show me what's worth living for. Or better yet, don't waste your time. Stop doing it your own way, give Him a chance. It's time for change. He will never fail you, He will never leave you, He will never stop loving YOU. It's crazy. I don't need to understand it though. I will live by faith. But knowing my faith isn't in emptiness anymore, makes this life seem quite alright. The wars, politics, struggles, poverty, diseases, death and sadness have no hold over the relationship with Jesus Christ.
I've failed. I've failed alot in my life. Even since trying to follow Christ in my life I have still made horrible decisions and knowingly went against Him. I'm ashamed of it. BIGTIME. But for a reason I can't comprehend, my Father in heaven still loves me and Christ died on the cross for me even before I first sinned.
I'm sorry to those of you I have failed. I'm sorry for the empty words. For the wrong relationships. For the lies. For the anger. For the hate. For the times I was a hypocrite. If you read this and have something between you and me, please, tell me. It's time for change. I don't want anything I've been or done or said to keep you from Christ. But I do have to remind you that I'm only me, I'm not a perfect representation of Jesus Christ. No person on this earth is. Let God reveal himself to you. It didn't end on the cross, that's where our chance of a relationship with a Father we've never known before began.
Please. Please know that any good you have seen in me is only from Jesus Christ. I love to help. I love to serve people. I love taking care of others. I love to love. But I know those desires did not come from my own ideas. I blame anything and everything good in my life on Him. What better thing is there to do with "my life" than show His love to those who have never seen it?
Do I think I know everything? Do I think I have it all figured out? The only thing I know about knowing everything is I don't know everything. I still have much to learn in this life. I still have many people to meet and love. I still have many people to see again and love. I still have much to learn about a relationship with God and following Him. So where better to go with my life and a humble heart than to my Creator?
Can it be scary? nervous? crazy? trying? stressful? tough? painful? Yes. This life can and will be. Jesus Christ said it will be. But in giving my life to Christ and living with Him I know no matter what happens, it is truly o.k. It's not a false hope or empty words. Christ gives a hope that a 401K, retirement, lottery, or politician can't guarantee you. Turn to the Word He's given us and find truth in those pages.
So can change be scary to say the least? Yes. But after all that has happened in this life, Christ has shown Himself to me, and I will change and follow Him until the day I leave this world. Is it worth it? You tell me. What is there to hang onto that even remotely compares to Jesus Christ?
This is kinda odd for me to "put it all out there" for people to read and know what I'm thinking. That's not how I usually am. But aside from the constant reminders from people that my blog is empty, I really wanted to throw something down.
So with everything in me, my final answer: I'm nothing without Jesus. Any change He led me to, I would do it a million times over and quicker. If this blog gave me an infinite amount of space to type how a relationship with Christ is, all the feelings and truth, and how nothing else compares, I couldn't do it. Can I explain everything? No. Do I have all the answers? No. Do I know how everything will work out? No.
But once again, with His help, I will continue to change and glorify Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior with this life He has given me.
