I take the bull by the horns. I can’t stand
to sit back in quiet and not do something when I feel there is a need. Recently I have found that this initiative is so deep that I will, many times, do anything and use any means to get something done. No person, whether friend or foe, could get in my way. That’s a good thing, right? Come on, nothing will get done unless I push a bunch and get it done myself, OK maybe some delegation but make sure they do it right, and my way is always right, of course. These are some things that I just recently realized are actual thoughts that go through my head and more often than not find their ways into real-life situations. Listen to this.
Teaching English with other members of my team, I found myself telling them what and how to teach… well they were teaching it wrong!! Then telling someone to pick stuff up for our party with the class tonight, you have to price out a bunch of microwave popcorn and chips, get some plastic cups and then go to Texaco to pop all of it in the Microwave there, you’ve only got an hour till we said we’d be there!! What are you doing sitting around, get out of here! Another situation is asking someone to get a picture of our team developed to give to a family, and thinking, they’ll never get it done, I’ll just remind them in an annoyed tone until I’ll probably have to do it myself.
The strange thing about all these situation is this: What is the big deal if the things are done right or not? Or what is the actual big deal if the things are not done at all? Would that really be the end of the world? Isn’t their relationship much more important then a
teaching technique, snacks at a party, or a picture? So then I should just keep my mouth shut. But still I’d be thinking: they’ll screw it all up on their own and then they can see how stupid they were. That is horrible, but still these detestable things still fly around my mind on a constant basis.
I know that initiative in itself is not bad but at the expense of others’ feelings it has overstepped it’s boundaries. So what changes this, obviously just shutting my mouth doesn’t work, that’s just the outside that’s affected. And we all know that silence can be just as much of a hurt to some people’s feelings as harsh words. So it needs to be just an outpouring of grace to these people, to all people, who surround me. I need grace, Father, pour it all over me, on my own everything is a mess. Grace… poured out from the Giver of all grace so I can give it to others, that seems so much better than being pissed that someone isn’t doing something right, what a relief… again…
There is no way that this is the end of this battle, I still can justify these situations time and again, and I can do it very well. Saying things like: “But the students learn better this way”, or “We made a commitment that we would bring a picture to her.” These are all
important things and great intentions are behind every comment but the fact of the matter is not good intentions. It’s the gracious lifting up and edification of the body, which is my little family, right here. Shut (the) hell up; give glory to God!
PS Dad, I hope you like the extra job I picked up on the side…delivery boy!
