On waging war in the desert and seeking more of Him:
Coming on the World Race was a good decision for me. I loved being where I was in Columbia, with my friends and my church family that is community like Ive never seen (psalm 133), but leaving that and being able to look at it from an outside perspective has helped me to grow in my understanding of Christ. I can see things that were good and encourage others and press into them in the way that I know from that community. I can see things here that I dont know, that I can learn and be pushed in; things Im not sure I would have learned had I not come. All this to say that the Lord is teaching me new things and shaping my heart into more of his own.
Expected right?
Well yes, but no one can ever pin-point or even imagine the way that the Lord will do his work. The Royal Way says Brother Andrew.
My heart leading up to the race was one of excitement. My relationship with the Lord was in the wilderness. I was excited because I knew that my life was going to change in a big way, hoping my heart and my relationship with the Lord would follow suite. Wrong order. My life has not felt so different; Im not home sick, yes I miss my friends and I miss familiarity, but not home sick. I can live in a village with very limited English speakers, drink raw milk, eat eggs layed by the chickens that run around in the yard, no such thing as tv, hole in the ground outhouse, and not feel out of my comfort zone. And so of course the answer to all “good” church questions remains the same, even in this situation. I want my heart to grow, I want my relationship with God to be as vibrant and interactive as a Kandinsky painting, I want to be shaken. How? Jesus. It starts with the relationship. I can move, I can be in a place where only a few people I dont really know well (yet) speak English, I can be taken out of familiarity, but if my affections for Christ arent stirred, if Im not gaining perspective on His love, if Im not perpetually living in the freedom of Christ, increasing in that joy, then nothing changes. My life doesnt change. My heart doesnt change.
The answer to all my problems are easily spoken; cultivate into the heart of God. Seek Him above all things. Dont just read scripture, dwell in it. Dont just pray, meditate. Dont just love people, be love to people. Worship in spirit. Worship in truth. Act like my home really is in the Kingdom.
This month has been a gift. Our ministry, for the guys, has been to hang out with gypsy kids some, and to help with maintenance/yardwork/knock things off the to-do list here at Casa Shalom. It hasnt been very demanding. A perfect time to cultivate.
Ive been spending my mornings after breakfast in the attic here, sitting quietly, praying, listening, reading, writing.. sometimes. One thing Ive been asking the lord to show me is the sin in my life that I might not see, so that I can repent and be sanctified.
– 7/16 – God gives me Psalm 18. The whole Psalm is great, 31-39 really stuck out to me. That same day we were pulling weeds in the garden here, there was one real viney weed that would grow in between the leaves of the flowers and all I could think of was a glimpse of scripture: “… let us throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles”. As Im pulling these weeds off I realize this is what I want. God has equipped me and made my way blameless, He has made my feet like that of a deer, He has trained my hands for war, He has given me the shield of His salvation.
– 7/24 – We had a day off and took a day trip to Brasov. Great town. Our train was supposed to leave Brasov at 5:45 to get back to Bucharest in time to get a bus home. A voice over a loud speaker says that our train is an hour late. No big deal, Im used to things changing at the last minute by now. So I lay down and take a nap on the benches. I wake up to a small girl poking me in the shoulder asking me for money, In Romanian of course. I just tell her no and close my eyes again. I wake up a bit later and a bunch of the people Im with are around these two gypsy girls. They’re eating cookies and drinking something that we had brought from home. One of them is the girl that woke me up. Another boy is on the other side of the track taunting them. Apparently he had smashed an apple on one of their heads while I was sleeping. He was a punk, and wanted attention. With the motive of getting this kid to stop, I say under my breathe “someone should tell this kid about Jesus”. Not anticipating on really doing it, my friend Salley gets up and actual does. He gets one of the girls that came with us that lives at Casa Shalom to translate for him. The boy says he’s smarter than those people who go to church. Meanwhile the girls start asking the two gypsy girls about Jesus. They say they’ve never really heard much about him. One of the girls tells them. Then they let us pray for them. We laid hands on them and prayed for them. Then one of our girls gets out her nail polish, gives it to one of the girls, and paints both girls finger nails. One of them sits in my friends lap. The girls just love on them until we have to leave. Someone gave them some cake we had brought. The boy is coming around now and still being mean to the two girls. He slaps one of them on the arm. The girls reaction is to get up out of her seat and offer the boy her cake. A beautiful picture. He refuses. Salley chases the kid around playfully and tries to give him a hug. Who knows how long its been, if ever, that these kids have been shown this kind of love. We get on our late train and the girls chase after it by our window, waving to us as it leaves the station. I see in my friends the spirit of giving, compassion, love, boldness, and urgency. The Lord showed me a part of my heart in that. I lack boldness. I lack love for others. I lack the urgency for Jesus’ name to be known. Isnt the point in me being here; isnt the point of my life to look different from the world? Why do I hesitate?
– 7/27 – I was reading and praying in the attic. The past few days had been very good. I could feel the Lord restoring my joy. This morning I didnt feel that way. I told God I felt distance growing between us again. I asked the holy spirit to stir in me. I stood up from my chair with all my things to go back down stairs but still felt like there was something I wasnt getting. Like there was something left in that chair that I needed to get. Confused, I sat back down. As soon as I hit the chair the Lord spoke to me Psalm 13. I flipped to it and read it. As soon as Im done, he speaks to me Jeremiah 31. I thought for sure I was making it up. 31 is 13 backwards. My head is just making things up now. I turned there anyway, and read. The Lord presents to me the question that I have, and then gives me the answer.
His promises are true.
The Lord is working in me.
This is where my heart has been lately. Finding my enemy and going to war in the dessert. I was also encouraged by Hosea ch.2 this week. Good Stuff.
