Last month we were in Bogotá, the capital of Colombia. Every Sunday there we would go to the park to play sports with the youth and youth leaders.
Well this particular Sunday a couple people had ridden their bikes to the park. And during the break in our basketball game one of my teammates encouraged me to get on and ride one of the bikes. I said no. He kept encouraging me and I kept resisting. (For those of you who don’t know, I never learned how to ride a bike growing up.)
My excuse? I didn’t want to look like a loser in front of all those people. And I voiced this to my teammates. I thought to myself “These people are going to laugh at me. A 25 year old struggling to ride a bike, a seemingly easy task?”.
I finally gave in after he said we could go practice away from the basketball court. Together, my 2 teammates and myself, struggled as I learned to ride a bike. After about 30-45 minutes (and lots of teaching and encouragement from them) I was able to ride about 250 feet by myself without stopping!
Now you’re probably asking “How does this relate to your perfectionism?”. Well about a week later I received constructive feedback from my teammate to not be “too cool for anything” in reference to learning to ride a bike. I also received constructive feedback from my other teammate who pointed out how I can be negative towards others. But she wasn’t upset, she was sad for me, because she knows I’m only that way because that’s how I am to myself first.
“A personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less” – Definition of perfectionism.
A perfect description of what I expected of myself. And in turn expected of others.
I used to think my perfectionism was a good thing and that it allowed me to have an eye for detail. And I gripped to it because my identity is rooted in it. But through this event, those pieces of feedback, and some words from my girlfriend back home, God revealed to me that it’s actually toxic and is harming me and those around me. And that my identity isn’t in how perfect I am, but it’s in Him, and Him alone.
So I’m finally ready to let go of this part of me, that is really not even me. I’ve asked God to help me be rid of this toxic characteristic, I’ve asked my teammates for help, and I’m determined to be free from it by the end of my Race in 2 months.
Please pray for me, that I will be free from this and that I will place my identity in God alone. And if you’ve ever struggled with perfectionism, I would love to hear from you how you overcame it and any tips/advice you can give me! Thank you and God bless!
