Last month was a great month but also a tough month. It was a great because I really enjoyed the ministry we got to do and I loved all the people we met and got to do life with! They really poured into us and we also poured into them. And we got to attend an awesome church and small group that was very similar to what I had back home.
Unfortunately that’s where it went downhill. It was so similar to home that it made me miss the home I left behind, a lot. And after 6 months of being stretched, pulled out of my comfort zone, living in constant community, and knowing that we had more days behind us than ahead of us, I decided I wasn’t going to give all I had to my team, in an attempt to just get by, to “coast” to the end.
This was an issue that plagued our team last month. No one was really committing to the team, or more so to each other as individuals. And I was the worst offender. It was brought up to us at multiple team times, but nothing ever happened, no action was taken. We just talked about it.
Fortunately for us, God already knew this was all going to happen and He orchestrated this month.
This month we have a lot more time to ourselves. We are 10k from the nearest wifi, or anything really. We have an hour walk to and from the care point we serve at twice a week. Fridays are a day of prayer, so we can be flexible with our time those days. And we have 2 days off with almost nowhere to go. In other words, no “escape”.
And on top of that, the Lord gave our squad leader (who is serving with our team this month) a word for our team one of the first nights here. That word was “Pieces”. She related it to us needing to give every piece of us to God so that we can come to the team as whole people, in that we can’t function as a team if we’re not whole.
I don’t know about my teammates but for me, it meant something different. For me, it was God’s way of telling me that I’m not giving every piece of myself to my teammates, that I was only giving them small “pieces” of myself.
That night, all of us men of the squad (this month is also another all squad month) got together to meet and just talk about how things were going for everyone. We split into groups of 3 and shared whatever was on our hearts or that we needed prayer for. So I shared my desire to just get to the end of the Race but also that I wanted to overcome it and how our team is not really investing in each other. So the 2 guys in my group encouraged me to step up and take ownership of that and be a leader in that area to take some of the load off of my team leader.
And if that wasn’t enough to light a fire under me, the next night my team leader pulled me aside to talk with me one on one where she confronted me about my unwillingness to really invest in the team. That was the final blow (luckily it didn’t hit too hard as God was already working in me).
The next night we added an element to team time we’re calling Emotion Time (ET). This is a time for anyone to simply share how they’re feeling, free from judgment or advice. So I decided this was a good time for me to share everything that I’ve just shared with you.
So I’ve decided that I’m going to step up, to dig deeper, and to engage with my team. I am not going to allow myself to “coast” my way home. And neither is my team.
“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:12-14 ESV
Two points stick out to me right now in those verses:
1. “Forgetting what lies behind”
I do regret allowing myself to fall into that mental state and causing disunity in our team. But I am not going to dwell on the past.
2. “Straining forward to what lies ahead”
Straining is a great word here. Meaning it will be difficult going forward, but it will be worth it.
And I’m happy to report that after a being here for a week that things are already getting better for our team! We’re starting to push past the uncomfortableness and we’re starting to really invest in one another.
I’m so blessed to have a team that won’t give up on me and is willing to push me further! And it makes me wish to do the same for them.
