I can honestly say that I have no idea if discouragement is a word, but Satan has been doing a lot of it.
You see, I have a $10,000 goal in 24 hours and I’m a little over half-way to it. Satan has been putting doubt into my brain. I felt stressed and anxious. I felt like I was going to lose all of the work, the love I’ve put into my team, the time I have spent messaging people and getting to know them. I felt like Satan was putting bitterness into my heart toward God. I had no idea how to raise $10,000. I have never done anything like that before.
Take note that all of those statements are in past-tense though. I FELT like Satan was doing all of these things. No, I know that I might not leave when I want to, but I know that I will leave when God wants me too. I’ve contacted people, I’ve contacted churches and pastors and businesses. I’ve had fundraisers. The truth of the matter is that everything that is happening is not happening on my time. I am not the controller of my life. I am not the Creator.
I just finished reading through the book of Job. I had a hard time getting through Job, but you know what conclusion I came to? Job was self-serving. He was selfish and just tried to tell himself that he didn’t deserve all of what was taken away from him. His friends tried telling him that he was wrong and he needed to repent, but when Job went on this really long rant, they shut up. They were done trying to tell him. They said, “you do you boo,” and just let Job believe whatever.
Enter this one guy named Elihur, and he told Job and his friends that they really pissed him off because they weren’t giving God the glory that He deserves. Well, the book ends with Job repenting and God telling the three friends that they needed to offer up sacrifices and pray. Basically they were in the wrong too.
Anyway, I tell you all this because I feel like humans, including me, are like Job. I tell myself that what I’m doing is good and that I need recognition and I need to be told that I’m doing good. Upon finishing Job though, I know that God’s will and wisdom is so beyond mine. I have completely given up my hold on what I think I deserve when it comes to money. I am letting God take all of the spotlight that He deserves and I will leave the country when He tells me I am leaving the country. I’m still trying to leave in 2 weeks, but if I don’t leave until August that’s okay too. Whatever God is down with is good with me.
So take this blog however you want. Maybe you think I got Job all wrong. It is completely possible. It was difficult for me to understand. Maybe you think that I’m an awful person for making the race about me and about the money. Also a valid argument. Maybe you’re proud of me. Yeah, God did that and He is so much cooler than I am. Drop a comment and tell me what you think. Maybe subscribe just to see all of my posts. Maybe you feel called to help me reach my goal. Hit that donate button at the top of the screen and leave me however much you want.
Thanks for reading my blog. I would insert a rock on emoji here, but you can imagine it.
-Jo
