and "that" being…. the process.
This month in Peru has been quite challenging. And not in any way I would have predicted.
I signed up for the World Race for many reasons, one of which being change.
Change within myself… habits, mindset, theology, selfishness, etc.
What I wasn’t anticipating was how much I would buck the process to get me to the change.
In a culture surrounded by immediate results I guess I didn’t think it too much to ask that the Lord give me revelation of the things I needed to change and then expect waking up the next day with a renewed heart and the strength and wisdom to now walk in that change.
“Well that was a sweet thought”, God chuckled.
Instead, this past week I have found myself crying alone in a bathroom sitting in my own ugliness not exactly sure where to go from there and just wanting to avoid it all together. In the past 5 weeks so many emotions, past hurts and unresolved conflicts have surfaced. I underestimated the power of intense community and how it forces you to face the things about your character you had hoped no one would ever shake up.
It reminds me of a quote, “You find out the flavor of the tea once its in hot water”.
I’ve always had a pretty good bounce back in my spirit when it comes to challenges. Someone upsets me, I’m confronted with a difficulty or I get addressed with something heart breaking… My normal M.O. would be to shortly grieve and then move on. I have always thought this to be a blessing, until now… until the World Race.
The “hot water” in Peru is a combination of a few things:
– 2 parts humidity & heat
– 1 part lack of sleep
– 8 parts team member’s individuality
– Countless hours of counstruction work
– a pinch of performance issues
all shaken together and poured into a 26 year old glass that has remained in the same mold for quite some time.
After a few blow ups and quiet times I have walked away with one profound thought, and that would be that:
I am learning that God delights in me while in my process. It is where His best work can be done. It is where my power ends and His is what sustains me.
This journey is definitely a whirlwind of sorts and I have got nothing figured out.
And I am OK with that.
To everyone who knows me well you can imagine me saying that with hesitancy or sarcasm but I am as serious as I can be.
Do trust that God is at work within this squad, within my team and within our ministry here in Peru. These are all things I want to share and blog about too but my heart and mind has been consumed lately with the greatness of God within my own life and how much higher His ways and expectations are than my own.
Thank you all for your grace and love.
In process,
Jolene
