Have you ever felt as if the Holy Spirit was missing in your life? Ever just feel like your just going through “the motions” as a Christian? Ever feel like no matter how much you dig into the Bible, or how much you long to feel the presence of the Spirit, it never seems to fill you up the way it did at other times in your life?
Well, that is just how I was feeling for months and months. I had been in a rut of spiritual dryness. I would read things and pray for the Lord to help know more about him and memorize scripture. I wanted to know the Bible and be able to recall passages easily. I realized a few things in that time. First of all, I realized that the Lord wasn’t going to allow me to memorize scripture or learn more about him if my motives were wrong. I must admit that a big reason why I wanted to know more about God, Jesus Christ, and the Word was because I felt inadequate and I felt that my peers knew more and so that must make them better “Christians”. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I had realized that as His Word says, God will fulfill the desires of our heart! He will fulfill our hearts desires, not our MINDS! Therefore, until I longed for the Holy Spirit’s presence and the ability to learn more about my creator deep in my heart, the Lord would keep that from me. He was making me wait until I came to him in brokeness and with a REAL desire to know him more. It was such an incredible experience. For months I couldnt memorize anything in the Bible and I didn’t feel the presence of the Spirit in me. The Word also says that with man, things cam be impossible, but with the Lord, all things are possible. Therefore, once my heart was in the right place, I needed the Holy Spirit work in me and fill me. After all, without the help of the Spirit, I would never accomplish anything, because it is Him doing a work through us, not us doing a work through Him!
It took me a long time to figure this out, but God was more than willing to wait for me. So finally last week at training camp, the presence of the Lord was filling the room as people were praying, but I still couldn’t feel anything. I stood there asking the Lord to come and fill me and I just kept praying this and still nothing was happening. Finally, the Lord must have said, “Now is the time, you are ready Johnny.” An instant later as I was praying, I felt a hand upon my back and that very same moment, I felt the Lord begin to pour into me and release me. It was the most incredible feeling ever and I was so happy. I broke down as the Spirit continued to reveal itself in me and it was the most amazing thirst quencher ever!
The most amazing part of this story is the following: After that moment in the attic of Adventures In Missions, I immediately felt like a free and released man. I felt like I could now begin to become what the Lord wanted me to be. In the days after I was already beginning to memorize and quote the Bible without even trying because It was now officially a desire in my heart and I had the Holy Spirit alive in me to help me out!
