Hello, my name is John Hess, and welcome to my blog. Here is my story:
I was born (11/29/1987) and raised in Dallas, TX, and went to St. Mark’s School of Texas after The Lamplighter School for my early years. Although my family often attended church, it was not something I was very interested in and just went through the motions, neglecting this aspect of my life. I got heavy into drugs, alcohol and nicotine-smoking and lived like I was not going to have a future, not particularly caring if I did or not. My parents split up going into high school, my mom moving to another city for work, and I developed a very bleak outlook on life. My attitude was that if I do not approve of those above me, I should not have to listen to them, and, right or not, I still hold to this attitude today. I believe that if someone is going to tell me what to do, they must be beyond reproach, not admonishing me and then going and doing the same thing or others in private. At my second job, General Manager of Jumping World, an assistant manager who I hired seriously looked one of our employees in the eye and said he was sorry about this (me firing him for a drug deal on company grounds), but he just needed to make better choices, shaking his hand. This man had been drinking on the job and denying it for a while at that point. I feel that this kind of scenario happens often, and that if one is elected to be a Christian and a role model, they need to do their best to be blameless, otherwise it loses its meaning.
I jumped around at colleges, but finally landed at Texas Tech University after failing out of the University of Texas. I graduated in 2012 with a degree in Technical Writing, which has always been my talent and passion, so I hope that others will enjoy my future blog posts before leaving and out on the field. I have a feeling that God is eventually going to use this talent to teach The Bible, which I would probably enjoy over generic literature and state-sponsored curriculum, but I have yet to see how this is going to develop exactly.
Out of college, I had a stint of shaky mental health that I received treatment for, and I got the only job I could find at a bowling alley and continued my habits of heavy drinking and smoking, also hooked onto several prescription drugs. This job didn’t pay that much, but I worked as many hours as I could and lived within walking distance in a small apartment, not having a car to get around and in crushing debt. I was determined to not go back to either of my parents’ homes or be a burden to anyone anymore. I felt like many people had given up on me because of the direction my life seemed to be heading. During this low point, I was offered a worldly escape from a girl who lives in California, but I knew there was some sort of catch that was not explicitly stated and went on.
I was promoted at this job to a traveling position, but then revoked after I went on the training in another city. Soon thereafter, I was let go, and I seriously contemplated suicide for the first time. I was still in debt, had no car, my apartment was filled with bed bugs and needed expensive treatment, and I could hear the disgust in my mom’s voice about the prospect of paying for it. I felt that if there was a just being out there, that something would come, and that making that choice had to count for something. Thankfully, I got the call that I had been hired as the General Manager of the newly opening Jumping World literally across the street, a much shorter walk than the bowling alley. I got an advance from the owner, paid some of the things I needed to pay, and continued walking to and from work for the next four months or so.
While I was working at this job, I was still on prescription drugs and drank occasionally. I started contemplating spiritual things and wondering about what church I might go to. One day, a big group of kids came in from a local church, First Baptist Garland, and I got a feeling that this might be a sign that I was looking for. I was soon to acquire a car through the help of my stepdad, and I decided that once I got it, I would go to a service there. Once I did, I went to the service on July 10, 2016, and afterward was overwhelmed with the Holy Spirit for the first time, having repented of previous sins and openly questioned whether I had done anything beyond forgiveness. The answer that I seemed to receive was no, and that it is unrepentant enemies of Christ until the end. I was finally able to kick my habits of drinking and the prescription drugs, and the scales fell from my eyes, allowing me to clearly see sin. Soon after this, however, I was fired from this job after having disagreements with the owner. Sometimes I wonder if telling him and his wife about this experience hurt me in any way, a concept I’ll touch on again later. Despite professing to be Christian and all the crosses hung in his offices across the country, he once said I was “carrying around a Bible” when complaining about the lying of co-workers. I also wondered why Christian music was not featured and worldly radio music was played instead, but as I learned later driving for Uber and Lyft, even if he is, many people take issue with it and it hurts business.
I was upset about leaving, but as I’ve learned repeatedly, it was only because He was removing me and preparing me for the next step in my life. I felt like the Lord was pushing me to go through an alternative certification route for teaching, so I did that and drove for Uber and Lyft in the meantime. At one point, I was so low on money that I didn’t know how it was going to compute to pay for the things I needed to pay for, but God provided a legal miracle that enabled me to do it while I was out driving around aimlessly and listening to Christian music I had just purchased at Mardel. I realized that it was do or die and that ultimately, no one has your back but the Lord. Although to me it doesn’t make the fire any easier, I had the conversion experience and messages through the pastor at my church that I was to go into teaching and forgive family members, so it didn’t make sense that His support would just cease.
That fall, I was hired at Schrade Middle School as an English teacher, and the next morning I got an e-mail through my subscription to the ministry of Alistair Begg that I felt to be highly personal and touching, reminding me of things I said to that girl who approached me while I worked at the bowling alley about being afraid of Hell, doing the right thing and reaching the pearly gates, which she thought was juvenile. I got by to my first paycheck with help from my fellow employees and my landlord (and also from my mom and dad previously), and when I got it I literally only had a few dollars in my account.
I thought that I was going to be there for at least a few years, starting my teaching career, but it abruptly stopped when district officials came to the school and informed me the principal was not going to renew me, even after she said she was shortly before that. They said that I could still resign, and I essentially asked why I would be the one to resign when she’s the one who had an affair with a former assistant principal on campus grounds and didn’t resign, also still keeping her job. Soon after this, I was removed from class under charges that I “slammed a kid’s finger in the door” and was being put on paid leave for a week while it was being investigated. I was eager to hear the results of this investigation a week later, but instead none came and I was presented with non-renewal and told I was on paid leave for the rest of the year (two months). I said that this was not sufficient and wanted to know who reported it, what they said happened, when it was reported, etc., and the man laughed that “that will probably never happen” and wished me good luck on fighting it. I kept pressing, and finally they said that they found the allegations not to be true, but for some unspecified reason I cannot go back anyway and needed to get my things off the campus. Since then, I have been pressing for the documents related to this “incident” and investigation, but have been getting the runaround. I have my reasons to believe that the ultimate reason is not any that I have mentioned, but my unashamed testimony of the truth and what’s happened in my life. I’ve also felt like I’ve lost friends for just bluntly saying this, but I don’t know what else to say but the truth. I think that people who keep their faith in the closet and “wait until they’re asked about it” are missing the point of salvation, eternal damnation, and the faith itself.
I was even more devastated this time because I put so much effort into it and it was something I actually cared about. I was also pretty sure that I was supposed to be there, since I got that strong message after I was hired. But again, the Lord has proven to me that better things are on the horizon. While I’ve been fighting the false allegations and working towards my second year of teaching, I began to see The World Race on my Facebook feed. Since it is common to see things on your Facebook feed, I didn’t think that much of it, but it became undeniable after a while and I began to look into it. The night before I went to the gym, I remember looking at the different routes and thinking, I don’t even know which one I would apply for. I read a story from a previous Racer while on his trip about him experiencing something overseas, looking into the mirror and realizing that it is not about him. After working out the next day, changing by my locker, I noticed a magazine sitting by itself propped up against a nearby sink/mirror, focused on missionary work and Columbia, which I took with me. When I got back into my car, it was sitting atop my feed again.
So, I applied, got accepted, and feel I got another strong confirmation via e-mail message, talking about how anyone who is launching upon new seas does not have to be afraid of anything, doing the Lord’s bidding. I think I am being called to spread the gospel, grow in spiritual maturity, help the least of these, and engage in a life-changing experience that will alter my outlook on life and remove any selfish tendencies that are in me. I don’t know what is coming after, and heading into my second year of teaching might be the more practical step in my eyes, but if the Lord says to do it, I’m not questioning it.
If you want to know anything else, just ask. I’m at the Comfort Inn, room 112.
John
The Lord is my portion. – Psalms 119:57
