I wish I could write a blog that would end your worrying. I know this has been harder on you than anyone else. I can not apologize enough for the times I have forgotten about our time difference, and have woken you up in the middle of the night in a panic. I can not thank you enough for truly seeing my heart and supporting me through this journey. Yeah momma, this ones for you.
For those that do not know, my mom has raised three boys. All of us were known growing up for being rambunctious, daring to a point of stupid (more often than I’d like to admit), and mommas boys (I’m more inclined to admit to this). Yet here we are all having graduated college with all parts of our bodies remaining intact. I remember over hearing someone ask my mom one time. “DeAnn you had three boys and not one of them has ever broken a bone or been seriously injured. How did you do it!” Her response, “you see these knees.. these are praying knees.” It was in that moment that I realized how blessed I have been to have my mother.
Not only are you a women of action who would see our stupidity coming from a mile away, but you are also a prayer warrior daily interceding on our behalf. A thought that comes to mind was when we were having a pool built in our back yard. I remember over hearing you say that the pool would need to be far enough away from the house so as to completely eliminate the thought that we could jump from the roof to the pool. You also had the forethought to get rid of our trampoline, knowing that we would inevitably move it close enough to the pool to injure ourselves jumping into the pool from the trampoline. Yet in the midst of that I have no doubt you prayed for protection against the dumb thing we would eventually come up with anyway.
We had two common phrases in our house. The first was, “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” The other was, “mommas always right.” I’ve found both phrases, while funny, are also very true. Unfortunately both of these have been figured out the hard way. The number of times I have had to admit that you were right is about equal to the number of times you warned me about doing that thing. You a smart woman, and humble every time (until it comes to calling those hogs of course) because you know we have to learn somehow.
When I told you I was considering an 11 month mission trip I know you worried. Not because your against mission or serving abroad, but because you knew my passions and my drive weren’t quite lining up. You were concerned that maybe I had lost myself under the stress of senior classes, internships, and applying for grad schools and understandably so. Truth was though I was more found than I had ever been I just did not know how to say it. During that period of time the Word had come alive to me like never before, and God was showing me His heart for the lost sheep.
You probably wonder where my sudden interest in going out into the world came from. Well I have been watching you more than you know. I have to let you know that my heart for people came from you. I’ve seen you involved in the community, taking on leadership in the church, helping the sick, and feeding the poor. The amount of hours you put into events like Race for the Cure and Alzheimer foundation hasn’t gone unnoticed. Nor has the heart behind why you do those things or the many others. It is clear that the love of Jesus shines through all the things you put your time and effort into. All God did was call me to do the same thing I’ve watched you do.
I cannot tell you I’m coming home the same as when I left, because simply put I am not. God has shown me many incredible things, and taught me much through getting to interact with all the people groups I’ve come into contact with. I know you’ve read all my blogs and followed my journey through our talks on FaceTime and pictures posted on Facebook. You’ve seen how happy I’ve been, but you’ve also taken note of the struggles I’ve had.
In one month you will be joining me for a week on the field. You will have a brief glimpse into what my past 8 months have been like. I can not wait to see you, try some Georgia wine, and have a nice meal for the first time in a long time with you! Even more so I can not wait to show you the joys of what race life is like. The street food, the people, and the ministry life.
I know there is nothing I can do or say to end your worrying. It’s something I know I’ll never understand until I have kids of my own one day. Rather my prayer is that you will see that I’m not lost. This journey has not made my passions change or my drive stall out. Instead it has shifted my focus and caused me to redirect those passions and that drive to pursue His Kingdom. I’m not lost, I’m found.
As the end of the race approaches I can tell you that I will seek your council in whatever decisions I am looking into, but I may yet again be learning the hard way that your always right. I can also tell you that the dreams I’ve currently been dreaming with the Lord ultimately lead me home.
Finally I can tell you that I love you and that your prayers are being heard. I am safe. I am alive. I am well, and I cannot wait to see you.
