The last few months I have been in a good spiritual wrestle. While the countries I have been traveling, the sights I have been seeing, and the adventures I have been getting into have been nothing short of once in a life time experiences to never be forgotten, I have been trying to fill myself up on these things rather than on God. I experienced so much in my first three and a half months on the race. God was moving in incredible ways, not only in the countries I was in, but in my own heart as well.
I can remember my time in Sri Lanka specifically. I was seeing and experiencing so many cool things that God had laid before me. It has undoubtedly been my favorite month on the race thus far. Afterward as we moved on into the new countries it is not that God was no longer showing or teaching me things, they were just coming in different ways as he was revealing himself to the people in different ways as well.
In China I began to delve into the lackluster feeling I had been experiencing. I learned that to an extent I have been chasing the thrills and the feelings that I was experiencing through God in the previous places, rather than chasing after God himself. The Lord has undoubtedly done some cool thing in my life through this trip, and he is nowhere near done showing me things either. I have simply discovered that a realignment of what I am searching for is necessary.
Below is some of the poetry I have been doing during my time in China and Nepal:
Canvas of My Life
God, you are the painter of creation.
Yet, you allow me to fill my own canvas.
I wish to learn more from you, Lord.
Teach my untrained hands your ways.
Guide my strokes with your masterful skill.
Show me techniques unknown to myself.
The works I do on my own are unfulfilling.
You paint with colors I have never seen before.
Paint with me moment by moment, Jesus.
Forgive the times when I choose to work alone.
Your grace allows me to see beauty in my messes.
Jesus, fill the canvas of my life.
Fill it with love, laughter, and colors I have never known before.
Things Are Not The Same
Has your voice become softer?
Am I only half listening?
I have tasted and seen.
I am trying to recreate.
Why was it taken from me?
Is this abandonment?
Am I simply seeking thrill,
Chasing the feeling of you?
Lead me to more.
Remind me to chase you,
Not a feeling or a memory.
Speak to me with a roar.
Awake me with more adventure.
My soul thirsts for the thrill,
But my spirit thirsts for you.
