“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,
it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness,
it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,
we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,
we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—
in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”
– Charles Dickens
As I sit here in a coffee shop, pondering on the events of this year that seem to fade into memory as if waking up from a beautiful dream, I thought of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. Even though Dickens’ intent is to parallel a seemingly different social construct of a revolutionary Paris to an aristocratic London, I thought that this beginning sentence creatively summarizes the WorldRace experience for me…Or maybe I just like paradoxes.
Nevertheless, It was year full of love, of laughter and of joy for all the experiences we created and the cherished moments we will forever treasure. It was also a year full of tears, shed for the brokenness all around, tears for the stories told from one person to another about the chains that have held them down.
We laughed. We cried. We loved
12 months ago, we barely knew one another. 12 months ago, we were meeting one another for the first time.
I remember waking up cold during training camp, a little over a year ago, wondering what is about to come, without realizing that time will fly by quickly. I remember thinking in South Africa how much time we have left, without realizing that 11-months is still a short time. I remember hoping in a 56-hour bus ride in Mozambique for time to go by quickly, without realizing that I would do it all over again with the same people. I remember feeling in Cambodia that time is going by so slow, almost wishing for the WorldRace to end quicker, without realizing that I would want to spend another year with these people. I remember wondering in San Juan del Sur where the time went because it seemed like we were just in the cold mornings of Georgia waking up in our tents wondering about the year that is ahead of us.
12 months later, we were all in love. 12 months later, we are saying our “see you later” to one another. Where did the time go?
In my flight back from Atlanta, I remember feeling isolated. It was nice to just sit and reflect on the year. It was quieter going through the airport finding my way out to meet my sister. It was a bliss sleeping on a bed, alone, uninterrupted, with no noise in the morning. No one was there to suddenly barge into the room, and no one to wake you up when you’ve been sleeping way too long. Yet, I feel an abyss forming in my heart, seemingly to appear out of nowhere, as if something important has just been taken away.
Transitioning, with the chasm in my heart, was easy…in the beginning. It was easy because I escaped. I went straight to work, looking for jobs, and filled my life with things of the past, as if I am just continuing on from where I left off in Austin. I ignored the tug of my heart to grieve the loss of my community. I ignored the tug in my heart to even reach out. I ignored God.
“Knowing what something is is not the same as knowing how something feels”
– The Giver
It was not until yesterday that I finally realized all this. Almost breaking down crying at church, I finally started to grieve the loss. I’ve always known that we would all go our separate ways, but letting me feel the loss is what I’ve ignored. I cried in my car and slowly let the realization sink in.
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial.
To be known and not loved is our greatest fear.
But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.”
– Timothy Keller
I have been struggling about being known. Like a sketchbook needing to be drawn on, I was a blank page. Then, a whisper reminded me of who I was. He reminded me that I am known. Known by 51 other people who just happen to be in different locations now. Known by 51 other people who loves me through the thick and thin. Most importantly, I was and I am known by the one and only true God.
He is enough.
He is all I need.
Still, to bridge the gap between being known and being loved by my friends, here are some answers to the common questions about my trip:
My favorite country is Thailand. I fell in love with the ministry, and I fell in love with the kids that we were working with. Without even meaning to or knowing about it, those kids helped me see my race as an Asian as something to celebrate instead of something to be rejected.
The country that I drew closest to God was Hmarkawlien India. It is a great place full of God-loving people. It is also where I found two brothers, Kenneth and Emmanuel, who I got really close with throughout the month.
My favorite country in terms of food is Vietnam. It is cheap and delicious. I got pho for less than a dollar, and it was pho-nomenally pho-ntastic.
While talking about food, I should mention that I got to eat an ostrich, yak, dove, python, water bug, tarantula and fertilized egg (which I grew up eating, so I was actually considering not even putting this here). And no, the tarantula was not the worst thing I ate, it was actually the python.
The worst travel day experience was in Mozambique. Let’s just say that we were in a car for 56 hours. We got stopped a couple of times for a police check. And on our very last stop, we were held there for 2 hours because they want us to pay $200 to pass through or they would not give our driver his papers to go back to Swaziland. Finally, let’s also establish the fact that we were about 45 minutes away from our ministry site at that time.
The most interesting person I met was in Nepal. His name is Sameer. He’s just a teenager, but he has wisdom beyond his years. He’s my brother.
Being an Asian has a lot of perks. I went inside temples without needing to pay the “foreigners” fee. I got the “native” price when buying things, I got free chili peppers (this is a big deal), and I am pretty good at haggling. Let’s just say that I got something in Vietnam for 1/3 the asking price.
The most beautiful place I visited was South Africa. Waking up with the ocean and a lighthouse right when I walked out is just a marvelous sight to see. I may also have a slight obsession with lighthouses, so I may have some bias.
The most exciting thing I did was surfing in El Salvador. I sort of don’t know how to swim. I mean, I could, but not very confident in my abilities with the waves of El Salvador. Still, I did it anyway. I was even able to stand up twice without an instructor!
The most memorable memory was in Swaziland. I was paired with a buddy, Werner, for the month, and he helped me cook pizzas for our whole squad and each of the orphans we were paired with. We’ve been in the kitchen for a long time now, and during our buddy time, Jarred and his buddy, and Werner and I, had flour fight in the kitchen.
Also I got to pet a tiger!
These are just a few to start with. Ask us, we’ll have more to tell you. For now, our stories are once again blank pages. No, it is not a start over, but a continuation of the sketchbook we were already drawing on. Some of us have lines, some already have colors, some are still blank needing to be drawn on. Yet, we go forward, drawing on our seemingly empty sketchbooks, we look ahead in anticipation for the next masterpiece that God is perfecting us to be.
