“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
Vulnerability is a hard concept to grasp, and even harder to practice. When individuals let themselves be really seen, our modern environment fights back with a culture of shame. Where vulnerability can be seen as being weak. Where embracing weakness is a sign of failure. And failure is never tolerated with our success-driven society. As Dr. Brené Brown puts it, we live in a vulnerable world, yet we do all we can to avoid vulnerability, by numbing it, perfecting ourselves, making the uncertain be certain, and pretending our actions does not have an affect on people.
In her Ted talk, she talks about vulnerability as means to tap in to our secret lives and to let ourselves be really seen.
Because there is beauty in vulnerability
Because the only way to live in an already vulnerable world is to become vulnerable
Because diving in into something without guarantees is a fundamental part of our lives
Because it is only through vulnerability that we can really love more, live more, and to laugh more
Because vulnerability becomes the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change
Because vulnerability lets us embrace failure, instead of running away from it
Because vulnerability dares us to be weak to fully understand what it means to be strong
In the end, biggest critic of failure is really us. We became afraid of embarrassment and shame, which I believe is a product of how our society functions today. We strive towards success and results that we forgot that the journey to get there is even more important. It is through those journeys where we let ourselves be vulnerable, that we really live. As mentioned in my previous post, I want to dare to be great. I want to welcome failure and to keep fighting in the arena, as former President Theodore Roosevelt puts it, “it is not the critic that counts….the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.”
What does it mean to live vulnerably?
In the Bible, there are many stories about vulnerability, the greatest example being Jesus. However, we also encounter stories about shame. Because the thing about vulnerability is that we cannot talk about it without first looking at shame. We see shame in the Garden of Eden when sin first came into the world. Yet the beautiful aspect about the Garden of Eden is that Jesus lets Adam and Eve decide to become vulnerable instead of calling them out while they are ashamed. Much like in the story of the Garden of Eden, He beacons us towards Himself, and makes something beautiful out of our sins. Perhaps, the greatest example of vulnerability is through looking the life of Jesus, more specifically the cross. As a perfect being, he came down to the world of imperfection to live life with us, sinners. He lived and loved with no guarantees. Loving Judas, the one who will ultimately betray Him. Finally, loving us by sacrificing His own life to bridge the gap between God and us. He made us be worthy enough to be with God.
With all that said, let me tell you my story. It is a story of struggle, of pain, and ultimately, joy, where I really let myself be seen, and got my life back.
I was born to a Filipino family, the youngest of the 4. Like any other youngest child, I was spoiled rotten. No care for the world. No knowledge of the world beyond my backyard. No idea of a world beyond my own country.
I thought it would be a normal childhood, until I had to move to this foreign land called Texas, I was 13 or 14 when I moved. Due to some reason, my oldest two siblings had to stay in the Philippines (sidenote: they explained it to me when I was young, but I am pretty sure that I was crying or shocked the whole time that I just didn’t pay any attention to them). It was at that moment in my life that I started to grow older and faster than the kids my age. My sister with me went to college right away. I was never really alone, but I felt alone which led to me thinking that I had to always fend for myself.
The sad truth of moving is that it hits everyone in different ways. For me, it translated into a need of control and independence, which will later on turn into depression. I tried to take control of my life, which I was really never able to do. I did learn to become more independent. I never let anyone really know my story, nor let anyone grow closer to me. All I really wanted to do is to tell someone how much I missed my siblings back home. I missed being the youngest child. I missed celebrating Christmas and New Years like how we used to. I missed living my childhood that is slowly fading away as I tried to learn to become more independent. The truth, is that I never let anyone in, nor let anyone see these moments where I am down and depressed.
It was also at the time, I believed that everything will fade away into memories, like how the Philippines felt like it was slowly fading away in my memories. With this thinking, I suppressed everything, since I thought that all these moments in my life will slowly fade away into my past and just become a bad memory. Learning to become more independent also did not help when handling all these emotions. In the end, all these emotions slowly envelop me. It became too much for me to handle, yet even then, I still tried to take control by spending my life focused on my studies, and playing tennis, and fooling myself that I was all right. I spent my life perfecting the outside, the one that everybody sees, that I forgot who God has really made me to be.
These emotions, occurrences made me believe that I was not worthy enough of life. Surely, a good God surely will not let me go through all these hardships, and in that moment, I stopped believing that there even is a God. Finally, the greatest moment of my darkness came in my senior year. I was about to commit suicide. Yet in that moment, I felt joy. Joy that I have never felt before. Joy of knowing that life is still worth living even through the hard times, since it was at my darkest hour that I have never felt more alive. I did not know where that joy came from, but that night, I was glad that I slowly become more open to a good God.
It was also around that time that two of my best friends became the beacons of light for me. They invited me to a camp two years in a row, where I learned more about Jesus and His ultimate sacrifice. The camp where my life will forever be changed, where I won my life back from the darkness that I felt. I knew right then, that I was never alone from the beginning.
We are never really alone in life. I was never alone when I moved from the Philippines. I was never alone in my darkest hour. I was never alone in my struggles. I am never alone when I experience joy. God was, and will always be with me through the end of time. God sees us and everything we do and experience, whether good or bad. All we really need to do is to let ourselves be seen by Him, and to give up control of our lives to Him, the one who is able to take our burdens.
After becoming a Christian, life definitely did not become easier. Still, I am slowly learning to give up control of my life, to become less independent, since our lives is about having community, as seen multiple times in the stories of Jesus. Being a Christian does not mean that I have it all together. For me, it really just means giving up my need for control and independence to God, who is able to take care of it better than I ever will.
Perhaps the greatest lesson I have learned is to have the courage to become imperfect. To live life with no guarantees much like Jesus. To accept failure for everything it is, to accept vulnerability for everything it offers because it is only through the hard emotions that we really understand, fully understand, what real joy and happiness feels.
Have the courage to be imperfect. Live vulnerably.
