So it’s been quite a while since my last blog. The end of the Race has come; now I’m home. A season of life has come and gone, and I am left a different man than I was 11 months ago. Life at home is different than it was when I left, not because home has really changed but because I have. The past year has changed the way I see and operate. It has changed the way I love and the way I go about daily life. Life is different now because of the way I choose to live it.
I was afraid of coming home and going back to being who I was when I left; lazy, apathetic, passive, easily swept into gossip, a bit pessimistic, overstretched, always tired, not joyful, not hopeful, wearing a mask over my numbness. I am not those things though. I cannot go back to that because it’s not who I am anymore.
Could I go back to that if I really tried? Sure, I guess. But I refuse to do that. I’ve already noticed myself breaking those molds.
I was afraid of coming back to a house full of people. I was nervous when I found out that my brother, his wife, and his 3 kids were now living at home. I was afraid that home would not be a peaceful place, that I wouldn’t be able to find rest or safety there. I see differently now though. Is the house quiet at all? Almost never. But I don’t need a quiet house to find rest. Not only that, but before the race I wasn’t super close with my family. Work and responsibilities kept me from really spending time with my brother and his family, and time with my parents was also limited, but living all together is an opportunity for a blessing. It is a chance for us to grow as a family. It is a chance to grow in true community and to love and support each other better than we could when we were apart.
I was afraid of coming back home and not having community like I had on the Race. Being home has shown me that I have the opportunity to choose it, and I have the chance to fight for it. I have a chance to build deeper community with the friends I do have here at home. And I have people all around me who want to know me more and who I want to know more.
I was nervous, even a little afraid, to come back home at first. I’m not so nervous anymore. Most likely this isn’t going to be an easy transition. But most transitions aren’t. There’s still growth to be had. There are still difficult things to deal with. There are still challenges to overcome. But that’s okay. I’m much better equipped to deal with them now. So I’m happy to be back home, and I’m excited for this next season of life. After all, if we hold on to the past seasons of life how can we ever get to the next great thing God has in store for us?
