One of the questions I have to ask myself is how I’m processing everything. What’s been the most difficult thing for me thus far is the fact that an I’m Indian American (not good a good thing nor a bad thing, just difficult). In simpler words, I’m struggling with identity. I connect with Indian culture, but I can’t speak any Indian dialect which is extremely discouraging. Its something I struggle with on a daily basis because of the language barrier that’s there. I’m in an odd place where I fit in, but I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, it is frustrating, but I’m very thankful to God to be a cross-cultured individual. I know God’s given me a unique worldview.
However, because I’m between two cultures, I find myself standing a few feet away from the other folks on the team. I don’t generally like drawing attention to myself anyway, so I usually try to blend into my surroundings (being Indian and all). People either thing I’m a local or they think I’m a guide for my teammates. The only downside to this is when people mistake my trying to blend in. For example, the other day I almost got arrested for walking around with my group…yes arrested. Some local police officers thought I was a tour guide for my teammates looking to extort some money from them. Everything was cleared up by our contact, I guess it comes with the territory of being an Indian with a group of Americans. One thing my teammates have helped me with is to understand the greater picture of my identity in Christ. Ultimately, our identity in Christ outweighs any worldly identity. Who are we without Christ? Who am I without Christ?
Along with the identity crisis, I’m going through culture-shock too. North India is different than South India. The city life is different from rural life. Its familiar and different at the same time. The culture at its root is the same, but the way of life is different. Rural India is surrounded by miles and miles of fields of green crop whereas City India is so developed in comparison. Initially Delhi has some Middle-Eastern feel to it, but the more we’ve explored the city, its vastly complex in aesthetic. Sure it has its slums, and dilapidated structures, but the Westernization of some parts of Delhi blows my mind. We walked into a mall yesterday and for the hour and half I was back on the Western hemisphere. The clothing, colors, styles, environment, surroundings, and even the the tea and coffee among other things are different. I know I wouldn’t do proper justice describing the differences. Despite the differences, India is still home to me.
