When I left on the World Race, I thought that I was great. I knew that I was pretty new at this whole “Christian” thing… But, I felt that for a newbie, I was doing pretty well. After all, I was about to go on a year long mission trip! Isn’t that what being a Christian is all about? Isn’t that what God created us for?
As I enter the sixth month of this amazing journey I am reminded that God’s plan for me is so much greater than any plan I could have for myself… I feel an overwhelming sense of conviction from God. He is showing me that my life has revolved around ME for soooo long. I feel God asking me where my true value lies. I feel Him telling me that He has so much more planned for me if I just believe in Him.
As I look back to my days in America, I start to realize that I have often found my sense of self worth in so many things rather than God. I find that I was proud of my job. I was proud of my car. I was proud of my physique. I was proud of my charisma. I was proud of my style. I was proud of my knowledge. I was even proud of the fact that I was a “better” Christian than others around me. It’s hitting me now that everything that I was proud of had to do with ME… I have looked at myself as the beginning and end of my life. I truly am so SELFISH at the core!
As I reflected over this thought I felt an insatiable desire to go and read through the journal that I’ve been keeping while on the World Race. As I looked over the past five months I saw something that shocked me… I saw that of all the amazing times that I’ve had on the World Race, the ones that stand out the most are the ones that have nothing to do with all the things that I just listed…
I look back and think of little Diego in Guatemala. He was only seven years old, but he taught me to pour love out on “the least of these”. The way that he would be patient and wait his turn in games. The way that he would sit with me and teach me Spanish. The way that he would just be… He would just love. I want so much to be more like him.
I think of Jessie in Nicaragua. I see a little bit of my story in his… I see all my sin, I see all my hate, I see all my selfishness, I see all my pride. But this is all in his past… What I see in him now is a desire to spread the kingdom no matter the cost. I see in him a newfound sense of pride in God. I see in him the love of Christ Jesus that covers over all of his past hate. I see in him a testimony of redemption.
I think of Po Myo in Thailand/Burma. I see his willingness to travel hundreds of miles from his home so that he can make a difference in the lives of the homeless. All his energy is for those who have nobody to love them. He has given his life to No-Man’s-Land. His heart is for the heartless. His ears are for the unheard. His love is for the shunned. His faith is for the faithless. His joy is for the morose. His strength is for the weak. His mouth is for the mute. His life is for those who have no life.
I think of Chantha in Cambodia. She truly has a heart to serve. The way that she loves people is amazing. I have seen her step out and serve others who were sick with all her heart and energy, even when she was sick herself. I see her wake up every day before anyone else just to love those in her life. I see her leave her home and provide a home to missionaries who are thousands of miles from their homes.
What do all of these people have in common? Every single one of these people have taught me something amazing about what it truly looks like to follow Christ Jesus. All I can see is their actions, but what I feel is their love. I feel the same spirit here in Cambodia that I did in Guatemala. I feel the Spirit of God living in each of these people.
In seeing this my heart strives for more. My heart sees just how deceitful it really is. I see that my pride was based on the things that I had, rather than on the things that I could give. I see that I am so far from showing God’s love in all my actions. I am hoping that one day soon I will embody these amazing characteristics… But, for now, I thank God for bringing these people into my life. I feel so blessed to see what it looks like to walk full of His Spirit. I desire God to stir in my soul and have His way with me. I desire to see His kingdom come right here and now in my heart.
So, in writing this, I am saying that I realize what God is calling me to. I see the potential for my life if I align my plans with His. I see where I could be if I just GIVE UP my wants and desires to Him.
I ask that every one who reads this would pray for me as I continue to dive deeper into the understanding and love of our Great Savior. I want to know God more and more each day. I am a work in progress. I am so far from where I should be… But that’s the beauty of Grace. God calls us from where we are. We don’t deserve his attention, but He gives it anyways. He is all loving and I want to learn to love like He does.
