i’m gonna start off slow and at my low point in the month. open with some vulnerability. I’m not good at that as a guy, so give me grace. After the low part ill talk about Uganda, all of it’s incredible high points, and you’ll see some dope pictures too.
here we go.
He Knew Me before I Knew Him.
Before I boarded a plane to come to Africa, I was asked often what I did to prepare for such a long journey. Yes, I prayed and read, worked out, did fundraisers, and went to training camp. But my preparation truly began long, long before I’d heard of Africa, met God, or learned of a mission field.
Confession: Ever since I was a little boy, I struggled with comparison. There was a kid down the block from me named Davey, who everybody always wanted to play with when he was around, and in some cases, instead of me. I remember a moment very clearly now as I reflect, I was hanging out with all the neighborhood kids, under an old dead oak tree that I called the “spooky tree.” I was making a plan for the day and we were about to get started, and Davey walked out of his house. Everybody ran to him, and said “goodbye John, we’re going to play with Davey.”
It’s weird, but it was like the place wasn’t big enough for the both of us, and the group collectively decided to defer to him. This caused a great deal of early jealousy, and even caused me to be a bit rash in judgment, action, and with my tongue.
These are things that served me well in exchanging verbal blows and even blows of fist as a teenager, in moments where I needed to stand up for myself or someone else, but in the ways of God, they have no place, and don’t produce the righteousness that He requires. Also, that quick to speak, slow to listen person wasn’t the real me, but a false self I dressed myself with, literally for self preservation.
I haven’t really felt these struggles as an adult because I’ve began learning the walk of a man who desires a closeness with God, deep relationships, intimacy, and meaning beyond surface level interaction. This is hard and easy for me. It’s hard because I worked in the food service and retail industries, and most of my conversations were only quick sell, make or break exchanges. It’s easy because my best friends Justin Pruitt, Luke Creech, and Michael Golus have always been there and had my back. I’ve also had an incredible family, and network of people who have showered me with love since I was that same little boy learning how to live.
The World Race is a different place. God will absolutely bring your issues to light, even with you kicking and screaming, He will drag you to deeper intimacy and freedom, and you will look more like Jesus in and because of the process. I signed up for this process, these evolutions, and some people will never understand or experience these kinds of liberations. In hindsight, I understand the roots of those issues, but while I was in Uganda, the enemy stuck me with pains that I didn’t understand.
I suffered from a crazy fear of missing out (FOMO), I put my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion, had side conversations, damaged trust, and dishonored a lot of people. I’ve repented and apologized since, but as a man I still sit with the fact that I wasn’t more secure in God, and that I wasn’t more okay, and that ultimately, I caused hurt within my team. All that being said, at the time I felt like the victim. I was the victim, but not of those of on whom I had placed blame, but the victim of undiscovered roots of hurt in my life, where the devil, like a prowling lion, was able to grab a foothold.
I say all this from a changed heart, and a place of deep gratitude today, because my team has taught me so much, things that I will be thankful for the rest of my life, things that I haven’t even come to understand yet. My team wants the real me, and I do too. I pray I’m not proud, but humble, and endlessly prayerful and bold in my vulnerability. Pray for me in that, too.
Uganda. Month 1.
In the Beginning.
I was Exhausted. I felt dead. I was hunched over on my air porter in the Entebbe International Airport. I had placed my feet on three different continents in 24 hours, and had been awake for the same amount of time.
My squad was starting to depart to their respective ministries, and the goodbyes were brief because they had to be. I stepped outside and breathed African air for the first time. It was cold and smelled of dirt from the earth, and the diesel from buses and trucks that circled the airport grounds. Guards armed with AK-47’s were patrolling the outside of the airport, and I felt incredibly safe. I also felt incredibly protective of my team, my squad and my possessions. I hugged my pack tightly. It was the middle of the night and we waited for our bus for a good hour. Well, at least it felt like it. When it finally showed up, we rode to our hotel in Entebbe. I stumbled up to my room and hit the pillow, and Alex fell asleep beside me, Brooks and Derek were in the adjoining room. I slept so well, let me reiterate, so well, and woke up to a whole new world.
Out on the balcony, this golden, morning sun was radiating God’s mercies, and I felt as alive as the bees buzzing by me, my heart was beating faster than their wings with excitement, not literally because I would be dead, but you get what I’m saying. Glancing up and down the streets that in view, I saw children in their matching uniforms, walking hand in hand to school, chickens, cows, and pigs roaming everywhere, buses and motorcycles were coasting through the surrounding roads. Banana and mango trees were growing up around the hotel balcony. So this is Uganda. This is sensory overload for a guy who grew up in the suburbs of South Carolina. (Insert all emotions here)
I headed downstairs to breakfast to find out that Brooks had been super sick through the night, and he was lying in a bed upstairs. The hotel staff spectacularly served us in a very old fashioned way. I felt like I had traveled back in time. While we were eating breakfast, our ministry contact, Pastor Charles Mukhwana, walked into the dining area. I shouted with joy when I saw him and I jumped up and hugged him. He sat with us as we ate and we talked for a bit and got to know each other in person. He seemed quite quiet when I met him. I learned later that he is actually very meek, humble, passionate, loud, endlessly wise and in love with God.
We got all our stuff together, and started loading the van. A couple of little kids came up to us, dressed in dirty secondhand clothes. A 6 year old was carrying an infant. It was my first face to face perspective of the poverty of Africa, and I knew that God loved these kids as much as He loved kids everywhere else. I pulled out my guitar and my team and I sang “Amazing Grace” for these children. The hotel staff and pastor Charles thoroughly enjoyed it. The kids enjoyed it as well. They also asked us for money.
A nine hour drive from Kampala to Lira kept my team and I, as well as Pastor Charles, crammed in a van, with all of our bags, and two guitars. It was stop and go because of all the road work, random cows, and broken down vehicles. Whenever we had a chance to get out and breathe, we genuinely enjoyed it, and everyone was rejoicing internally. My leg fell asleep a few times in the car, but other than that I actually liked the ride. Jocelyn wasn’t feeling too well, but she kept her composure even though she was uncomfortable. Pastor Charles would later admit he felt terrible, but he said that he was a man and was going to be strong for us and for the Lord.
One of our stops was by the Nile River. As we got out of the van, monkeys came up and took bananas we handed them. We walked out and observed the roaring rapids of the Nile. It was one of those “I can’t believe I’m looking at this river” moments.
We drove for about another hour and a half after that and arrived in Lira.
When we got out, we were greeted by people that would become dear and beautiful friends for a lifetime. It slips your mind in the moment of meeting someone how eternal that moment is, doesn’t it? We were welcomed by this fantastic group of people who love Jesus with their whole hearts. The girls from our squad got two rooms in the house of Pastor Charles and his wife Maureen, and Alex and I got a room in the back of the church. We ate dinner and fell asleep very quickly.
I woke up with another ” oh yeah I’m in Africa” moment: Jocelyn was ill the day before because she had malaria. It was beautiful to see how everyone helped her, showing her the love of God. Our hosts demonstrated that their character and hearts were brimming over with grace. It was several days before she felt like herself.
Alex was asked to preach on the first Sunday, and he did. He preached on Romans ch.1, and he did well. During the service, everyone was singing at the top of their lungs. There were children smiling and dancing, and kicking up sand everywhere while the sunlight, in silent praise, was streaming through the windows like spotlights in an old theater, reflecting like fireworks off the necklaces of the women sitting in the old wooden pews. Alex preached the next Sunday as well, and I preached the following two. I can’t believe I preached at a church in Africa.
The morning of the first Sunday, I woke up to old Don Moen songs being played over the loud speakers of the church as, Darlington, Isaac, and Emma did the sound check. When I was a boy, I heard these songs on every road trip I took with my family. My godfather Ken, my mom and I would passionately sing these songs as my dad would snore away in the passenger seat of that old green Nissan Quest. Ken would make goofy faces at me through the mirror. As a man, when I’ve been caught up chasing after the wind, I needed a reminder of God’s faithfulness throughout my life. God knew my heart when I was young, and He guided me today with these songs to bring me back to a childlike faith the moment I needed it.
Though the music changes, And the songs we sing,
We still lift our praises, To our loving God and king.
-(Seasons)United Pursuit and Michael Ketterer
I’m thankful for new songs to sing, and that God brought me into His family, and sheltered me in His love, where I can approach his throne of grace in boldness and confidence. I’m not quite sure how to do that, but I pray I figure it out little by little each day.
Farther North, Under Foreign Stars.
“Codi?!” My friend, Sophia, called out to the home as we approached.
As I read the first page of a Gospel track that I eventually memorized, I would ask,
“Has anyone ever taken the Bible and shown you how you can know for sure if you were going to heaven?”
God calls us to invite people into His family, so my team and I went out to the villages. People became part of the family of God. People felt convicted. I met a lady who felt she would have to stop brewing alcohol if she accepted Jesus, so I shared the passage with her where Jesus turned water into wine. His first miracle was doing what she did for a living, and she met Jesus under a guava tree with her daughters sitting around her.
“Consider if you and I both threw a rock towards the North Pole. You might throw farther than I, but neither one of us would hit our mark. So it is with God’s standard of perfection. We will always fall short. But God showed His love for us in this: That while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” It would be God who would convict her of her purpose, with her family, and her vocation. Hugging my new brothers and sisters as they embraced Jesus, we invited each person we visited to an evening crusade, where they would sing great worship music, dance, and hear the word of God preached in power.
The crusades occurred three or four times a week and were about four hours long. And were something to experience. I’ve never seen people summon this kind of energy in worshipping the Lord. I hope and pray that I have a heart of worship like that for the rest of my life. Pray for me in that regard when you think about it, because prayer can move mountains. Now, with that being said, there were many crusade observances that I did not understand. I saw things that were not of God come from people made in God’s image, clear evidences of the fall. I can’t say for sure the things I saw were caused by spiritual oppression, or by that of mental illness, but I saw some things that were rough to watch. My call was to pray, not to judge. That’s what I did-I prayed for healing in the lives of everyone enslaved by darkness, I prayed they find The Way, The Truth, and The Life, Jesus. I began to realize what the Spirit could see and what was needed when I had the privilege of preaching and sharing testimony at some of the crusades.
At one of the crusades, my friend, Emma, one of the young men that served at the church, was electrocuted by a live wire from a generator. It was like he had been hit by a train. When the moment happened, everyone rushed to his aid. Shannon and I stayed with him for a few hours after that. When he had regained a small amount of consciousness, he said he was afraid he was going to die. That was the heaviest event for me the entire month. It took him over a week to be completely well.
i got to teach my friend Mardie how to Play guitar during that first month. She was my first guitar student ever, and she was awesome, and has only gotten better. listening to her worship since has been awesome.
Pastor Charles’s front porch brought a lot of rest. But every now and then this little one would want to jump in and join me for cuddles and a nap.
Pastor Charles asked Alex and I to accompany him to Mbale, to see the man he calls his pastor. So early in the morning, while it was still very dark, I woke up and got my bag and a change of clothes together. I went outside and Pastor Charles and his wife Maureen were praying together on the front porch, a small fire was going in the kitchen, and the world was still very quiet from where I was standing. The girls on my team were still sleeping inside the house, so I said a silent prayer for them as Alex and I got into the car.
As we drove farther north, under foreign stars, I wondered at how God’s great and majestic name, and the truth of the Gospel, resonated through all the earth. I’ve never seen vastness and expanse like this. Great plains, and swamps, and then mountains rising abruptly from the flatlands like small children hiding under the covers. Small villages sat by the road side were beginning to come to life as the sun came from its resting place. We arrived in Mbale after a few hours and visited Pastor Charles’ school, the Covenant Bible Institute of Theology.
We met his pastor and professor, a man named Boaz, and some of the other men that ran the school. Later, Alex and I took motorcycles to a hotel a few miles from the school to relax, get wi-fi, and good coffee, and take it easy. All in all it was a good day, and we got nice beds and hot showers at another smaller hotel that night, and I used every single ounce of hot water and an entire bar of soap. I actually took two showers. Cold bucket showers just don’t do the trick. …..
God fed me on this side trip. A world away from my familiar home, but connected to these lives by all I’d lived, and by the God who created us all in His image, by the God who prepared us all to be here, by the Jesus who gifted us with salvation, and by the Spirit Who bids us to go and tell His world of His love for each of us. God bade me to step into the journey. I’m all in.
All too soon, but in God’s time, the team and I prayed hand in hand on top of the unfinished building next to our ministry host’s home where each of had gone for quiet time with the Lord at one point or another. As we prayed, the sun began to fall asleep over Uganda. It was the end of the month, and after a lot of hugs, tears and laughter, we took a slightly less-crammed ride back to Kampala. where we spent the night. Everyone was very excited for debrief, full of incredible stories, and glowing with the love of God. Z-Squad is a good looking group and I’m proud to be a part of something like this.
I pray that you dig deep to the roots of your hurt. I pray you really let God in and let Him have control in your life. I pray you let Jesus do work in you. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. I want to be in the business of redemption. Pray for me. God bless.
