As I sat there alone at the train station watching two of my best friends and teammates walk away arm in arm, I couldn’t help but fight back tears. Evan and Lauren were walking away with a piece of me that I could never get back. The laughter, trials, team times, and testimonies had welcomed a group of 5 strangers into my life like never before. The past four months on the World Race completely exceeded all of my expectations. I never expected to grow so close to a group of people in so short of time, but I did – and I wouldn’t take it back for anything. We were more than just Team Fugee – we were family.
But there I sat alone at the desolate Moldovan train station. Me, my pack, and nothing but time on my hands. My World Race just changed….changed in a BIG way…
My team had an INCREDIBLE month in Moldova – definitely my best month on the race! We had expected to travel back to Romania together for debrief and team change in Romania at the end of April, but I was told that I had a separate train ticket. Although I wasn’t clued in on why I had a separate ticket, it did dawn on me that changes were about to happen. The secret note that accompanied the train ticket said to take Evan and Lauren with me to the train station, say goodbye, and sit alone until my next “clueâ€� arrived. I said my goodbyes and watched two of my best friends walk away. Definitely one of the top three saddest moments of my life. What was I doing there? Where was I going? Was I meeting anyone? Only time could tell. After time seemed to never pass by, I finally hopped on a 14 hour overnight train back to Romania where I was meeting up with my squad leaders. It was a lonely train ride.
I’m not even sure what happened when I got off the train, but there I sat with my squad leaders in one of the hostel rooms, with an offer I never imagined…
SQUAD LEADER….?!?
They wanted ME to be the new Squad Leader? Why me? NO way! I was just supposed to be a team leader or even a World Racer, but not a Squad Leader. I didn’t know what to think. I was scared, already missing my team, and now had the weight of the entire squad on my shoulders. What was I supposed to say or do or think or…(you can tell what my state of mind was like). What was God trying to get at now? He has a way of always making me uncomfortable and I think this time, He even outdid Himself (if that’s even possible).
Allow me to catch you up on how the World Race works. When my squad of 41 people departed for the race, we left in 7 different teams with 7 different leaders (I was one of the leaders). Governing our entire squad (all 7 teams and all team leaders) were two squad leaders that were assigned to our squad. Both of them are veteran World Racers themselves. Their role has been to encourage, train, correct, arrange travel and oh SO much more for our entire squad. They were our shepherds and we were their sheep. During their 4 months of Racing, one of their duties is to identify two or three new squad leaders to rise up and take their place seeing that they only stay with our squad for a maximum 4-5 months. At the end of May they go home and the new leaders take their place until November. Ok, caught up? Good…back to my story.
In my heart, I so desperately wanted to be Jonah. When God told Jonah to go to Nineveh, Jonah instead fled from God – ignored his commands. He was scared, anxious, doubtful – oh how I could so relate with squad leading. I wanted to stay with my team! I didn’t want to do this new thing in my life. Ugh God, why can’t I ever just be comfortable?!? Stay in my routine as a content creature of habit? Not in God’s world. The truth is, change is the ugly stepsister to growth. If you expect to grow in faith, then expect to change as well. What happened when Jonah didn’t want to do what God was telling Him…he was thrown off of a ship into the sea then swallowed by a whale. Even though I was scared of this new position, I was also scared of the whale when I said no. I’ve settled too much in my life when God has been trying to give me more. I want to be obedient when God calls me or when He wants to do something new with me – even if it’s completely unknown. God doesn’t want us to run away from things. He wants us to know we are strong enough in HIM to go through it. Talk about vulnerability…
Ok. Ok. Decisions, Decisions….
I SAID YES!!
So here I am, sitting in South Africa w/ my new co-squad leader and my former squad leaders. My squad (wow, MY squad…still haven’t gotten used to that one!) is in Swaziland gearing up for their month of ministry and we are getting ready to head out to go and visit them. Wow, my World Race now looks totally different. God has entrusted me as the Squad Leader to lead His sheep, to be a shepherd to my peers and fellow racers. He has entrusted me with leading His church and let me tell you friends, THIS is the church. T-Squad is a mobile vessel for Christ. No buildings, no stained glass windows, no dressing up in a suit and tie. We are a band of misfits, welcomed in some places while rejected in others. Dirty, smelly, and not the most well groomed – we band together in truth, honor, and a passion for the living God. Our junk is out on the table for everyone to see – no hiding, no false pretenses, no masks. We are disciples of Christ and we wouldn’t have it any other way. God wouldn’t have it any other way.
As I sit here thinking that I still have 7 months on the race, please continue to pray for me and my squad during this new phase of the World Race. I’ll be traveling alone some, having to guide and lead an entire squad, and relying on God in an entirely new way. I’m excited for this new journey in my life and to see what God has in store for me. Just when I thought God couldn’t expand my heart for anyone other than my team, God has allowed me to fall in love with 38 other World Racers. My heart is for them now as they have become my new ministry.
Ok God, let’s do this!! I’m ready. My World Race will never be the same.
