He’s called me to be a fisher of…fish?!?

“Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons.  Freely you have received, so freely give.â€�  When Jesus spoke those words to the twelve disciples in Matthew 10, I can only imagine what scenarios of heroism and adventure played in their minds. I would be willing to bet the snicker’s bar in front me (and trust me, on the World Race that’s like a pot of gold) that the twelve disciples grinned at Jesus, puffed out their chests, decorated their faces with fluorescent war paint, and began grunting like a pack of wild soldiers from Braveheart or the Last Samurai (my personal favorite).  Ok, perhaps the grunting is a far stretch from reality, but I‘m not even willing to budge on the war paint…no way  

In case you haven‘t already discovered it, men are sick.  We have a terminal case of adventure that rips as violently through our veins as the mighty Colorado through the caverns of the Grand Canyon.  We may  not always own up to it, but we author more scripts of heroism and death defying stunts in our mind as Spielberg does on his most creative day.  (That’s not just a dumb look on our face ladies, it’s the profile of a creative genius!).  You see, all men long for their last ride through the Scottish countryside carousing pride through hundreds of fellow soldiers or to finally receive life threatening orders to retrieve Private Ryan from the war torn French countryside.   We men want to know that we’ve been created for something more, something bigger, something outlandishly wild!  Jesus, more than anyone in history, understood this dire need for a dangerous quest that would take our testosterone driven minds to distant places and foreign lands.  Jesus was God, but we mustn’t forget that he was also a man – a man with a wild bearded face, the strong hands of a skilled craftsmen, and the desire to give his life for the greater cause.  The disciples didn’t need to watch battle scenes from a fictional Hollywood movie or hear a climactic speech from William Wallace (aka Mel Gibson) to be inspired – they had the real thing.  They had Jesus.

When it came to the second month on the World Race, I was more than ready to begin starring in my own adventure that God so ingeniously designed for me in the country of Nepal.  Home to Mount Everest and some of the most fear filled folklore of the great abdominal snowman, I stepped foot across the Nepalese border like a boxer stepping into the ring.  I was just waiting on the bell to clang before I began extending my holy right hooks.  “Ok, where are the bodies that need to be miraculously raised from the dead?  Where are the lepers?  And don’t even mention the demons…they didn’t even stand a chance against this 28 year old sword wielding soldier of Christ!â€� (see, I told you men were sick!)  Jesus even told Peter in Matthew 4 to lay down his net and He would make him a fisher of men.  A fisher of men?  I could be a fisher of men?!? That’s like catching the great white of the Christian sea!  Where’s my fishing pole and spear gun?  I’m ready!

For the month of February, my team was assigned to a ministry in Southern Nepal close to the Indian border.  Day after day, my team and I were responsible for digging a foot down into a drained fish pond to prepare it for another round of fish.  Please keep in mind that there wasn’t a Lowe’s or Home Depot conveniently located around the corner.  Nope.  We exhaustively chipped away ginormous clumps of clay from the earth using a broken hoe and then carried them up a steep hill using only empty rice bags.   In 2 ½ days, we had only managed to dig an area the size of two kingsize beads.  It was hot, it was heavy, and it was, well, disappointing.  

Jesus promised a harvest, he promised miracles, he promised adventure and heroism, he promised healing and saved souls, and he promised… a fish pond??  A FISH POND?!?  My once vivacious dreams of spiritual battle fields saturated with peril and danger were quickly extinguished and exchanged for a stagnant, lifeless, and dull Nepalese fish pond.  Not only was it a fish pond, but it was a fish pond with NO fish. Where was my adventure?  Where were all the things God had promised me?  Was THIS the World Race?  Was THIS what I had raised support for?  A month digging in a fish pond.  Awesome.  Great.  Wonderful.  Month 11, where are you??  I want to go home.  Jesus had called me to become a fisher of…fish?!?  Ugh.  

After several days into our ministry, I began sensing something was wrong, and I don’t mean with the fish pond.  I was exhausted, frustrated  and felt more like curling up in a ball of disappointment on that hot and dusty fish pond floor than I did carrying out even one more bag of clay.  In case you were wondering, I didn‘t need to clutch my chest or become short of breath to realize what was happening.   It was clear that I needed to call 911 – I was having heart problems.  You see, I wanted to be like Jesus but I only wanted to do the cool, exciting, and miraculous things that He did. I wasn’t interested in the grunt work.  Let me in on the highlights Jesus, but steer me away from all of the lowlights please, ok, thanks.  After much prayer and a few angry fists towards the heavens, the Holy Spirit quickly held a mirror in front of my face so that I was able to see my own reflection.  If you can imagine what Freddy Kruger felt like when he first saw himself in a mirror then you can easily gauge my reaction.  YUCK!  How hideous and unattractive I had become! Who was this person staring back at me?  Whoever it was, make him go away.  He wasn’t a person I had recognized from the past and clearly wasn’t someone I wanted to be in the present.  

Matthew 15:8 says, “These people honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me.â€�  Ah oh.  Was that me?  I recalled how I valiantly stood up at the World Race training camp in October, climbed upon on a chair, and declared at the top of my lungs, “God take me anywhere you want, I’ll do anything you want me to do!â€�  I guess at the time that I just didn’t realize that anywhere and anything would be at the bottom of a Nepalese fish pond, but now I wonder…did it even matter?  “Be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them.  If you do, you will have no reward from your father in heaven.â€� (Matthew 6:1).  But wait, if I don’t do all of these things in front of people, then how will they ever know what an awesome, wonderful and holy man of God I am??  Hmmm…great attitude John.  Just great.  I began to realize that perhaps this month wasn’t  about a fish pond at all, but rather the process of exterminating a spiritual termite that was rooted deep within my heart.

Philippians 2:5 says , “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:  Who, being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness, And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!â€�  I guess this was the fine print on the World Race website that I either didn‘t see, or more than likely, just refused to read.  Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t want to be a servant, do you?  I want my mountain top moments, the satisfaction of saving people and casting out demons, the recognition and ‘atta boys.  Those moments are what my flesh so desperately cries out for.  Besides, who in their right mind would choose the life of a servant:  constantly stepped on, underestimated, overlooked, underappreciated, overworked, no applause, no pats on the back.   And if I didn’t want to do it, then why in the world would Jesus choose to live such a life?  Why would the King of  Kings come down to earth to make himself nothing? Heck, I was struggling to do it for 3 weeks, but yet Jesus did it his entire life.

Through all of my silent days of pouting (and sometimes audible grunts and complaints) and selfishness, I was still convinced that God knew something about being a servant that I didn’t (no shock there).  I believe that God understands that the measure of a man isn’t found in the climactic chapters of his life but rather in the monotonous routine of his daily living. Let’s be honest, just about anyone can come alive on a battlefield where a war is raging to protect a country, but how difficult is it to come alive when nobody is watching?  When the adrenaline isn’t flowing?  When you simply don’t feel like going into battle?  Or perhaps when you’re not at church in front of your friends receiving attention or applause? Or maybe, like me, when you’re at the bottom of a fish pond?  Yes, the story of Christ is about what He did for us on the cross, but it’s his Life – the day to day stuff- that made me love and respect Him even more

Sometimes I sit and wonder what it would be like if Jesus had put a “wantedâ€� add in the local newspaper to find his followers. Wanted:  Looking for a son or daughter of a king who is willing to give up their title and become known as a mere servant, if recognized at all.  Must be willing to become an enemy of the world and turn their backs on their family and friends if needed.  Housing is not available because at times you will have no home at all.  Qualifications include:  selling all of your possessions, loving your enemies, and denying yourself.  Work is hard and long with 24 hour days, 7 days a week with no vacation, no time off, and no overtime.  Pay is nonnegotiable seeing that pay doesn’t exist.  You may be hit, flogged, mocked, and ridiculed, but you are to never retaliate or fight back.  Your desires are no longer valid as you will be living for someone else.  Your only weapon, tool, and equipment is Love.  No need to apply, just drop your stuff, deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow me.

When presented with this “opportunity of a lifetimeâ€�, no wonder many of Jesus’ disciples deserted him.  “This is a hard teaching.  Who can accept it?â€� they exclaimed.  “From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.â€� (John 6:68).  At the bottom of the fish pond, my heart teetered on the thoughts of murmuring “no thank you Jesus.  This is just too hard.â€�  I understood what the disciples were thinking when they felt tired, worn out, defeated, and confused by the teachings of Jesus.   I can’t blame them for how they felt, I can only empathize with them.  The truth is, following Christ is not easy and those who have disillusioned themselves to think so are only deceiving themselves.  I love the TV evangelists who claim that once you’ve accepted Christ into your life then you will receive nothing but blessings, and “stuffâ€�.  Oh yes, the Gospel of prosperity – so many people sold on the concept of receiving more instead of giving up everything.  Maybe it’s just me, but my experience has been quite different.  Our life isn’t going to be easy because the Cross wasn’t easy.  For me, following Christ has been hard.  It’s been a long road full of tears, full of heartache, and full of fish pond moments where I’ve wanted to sit down, give up, and say “no thank you Jesus.  It‘s just too hardâ€�.  Can you relate?

The truth is, I probably came on the Race wanting to serve myself rather than my creator.  Fortunately, God quickly shined a spotlight to reveal the truth that was hiding deep within my heart.  God showed me that the longer I left wrong things in my heart unattended, the deeper they become rooted and the harder they were to deal with.  Jesus said in Luke 16, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with very much.â€�  Perhaps this was only a test, but I believe God was seeing if He could trust me with the little so that in the future He could give me much. He wanted to see if I was willing to go a month (perhaps more) with no applause, no instant gratification of the flesh, no audience, no mountain top moments, no taking cute pictures with orphans.   For the first week I would say I failed miserably and could only hope that God was grading on the curve, but through the work of the Holy Spirit, I was able to detox my spirit and uproot some things that were decaying my heart.

The bottom line is this…I love Jesus and it doesn’t matter if He calls me to dig at the bottom of a fish pond or to deliver the next sermon on the mount; God just wants me to love Him, to obey Him, and to trust Him. Am I willing to do that no matter the cost – even if it means me being the doormat rather than the grand foyer?  Am I willing to live for God‘s approval over man’s?  It took a fish pond for me to figure that out. Now that I reflect upon my past month at the fish pond, I’m so grateful for the heat, the dirt, and seemingly endless days of carrying clay up a small mountainside.  What a month of character building, perseverance, and integrity that God so delicately  hand crafted within my heart.  

Perhaps you now find yourself at the bottom of your own personal fish pond.  Your heart cries out for something bigger, something greater, and something more correlated with the desires of your heart.  Don’t worry my friend, it’s only a test.  God has so many adventures and quests already mapped out for you that you‘ll have a lifetime of personal crusades. But first, He wants to see if you’re willing to dig your trenches, carry your loads, and enjoy where He’s planted you for this season.  Maybe, like me, He has placed you at the bottom of a fish pond so you can get rid of some spiritual termites of your own.  He can’t sew seeds of righteousness in our heart if they’re just going to get smothered out by the weeds that our flesh so eagerly plants.  Don’t worry, your day will come, if you don’t believe me just read Jeremiah 29:11 for yourself.  Your prayers will be answered.  Your cries will be heard.  Until then I encourage you to just trust, love, and obey Him. Until then keep digging, keep smiling, and be content knowing that God is constantly refining, reconstructing, and repositioning you for your own mountain top moments.  God is going to do great things through you if you will first allow Him to do a great work in you.  It’s so worth it.

Just one short month in Nepal, but yet so many learned lessons.  When I began looking through the eyes of God rather than through the eyes of my flesh, I saw that my once barren and dead fish pond was actually full of life!  Because of the fish pond, my team was able to bond, become a family, and accomplish a task that in the beginning seemed impossible.  Because of the fish pond I was able to meet Daniel and Theresa (our contacts for the month) and form a lifelong friendship as we quickly became part of their family.  Because of the fish pond I was able to meet John and Dorothy, two Indians ministering in Nepal and two of the godliest people I know. Because of the fish pond I met Prem John, a Nepalese brother who taught me what true joy looks like.