Redeemed

I have spent the last couple weeks in brokenness. Long story
short, I made a mistake. Not the biggest mistake in the world, but one that
revealed things in me that are not good and need to be addressed.

The World Race provides the unique setting which forces you
to walk through your stuff in community, which is what we are all created to do
anyway. As I have been walking through my brokenness, mulling the hard
consequences of my mistake, I feel like I have been fighting on a seesaw. Not
wanting to linger, not sure how to move forward. Stuck.

I am memorizing Ephesians and fell into the place that
reminds us that it is grace that saved us (and this not from ourselves, it is
the gift of God). I am trying to find a way to fight a battle that the Lord has
already won. I am searching the Sacrifice Store to try to make amends for
imperfection that Christ has already died for.

Too much of our lives are spent trying to fix ourselves. The
answer for what ails all of us is to draw closer in to the heart of God. To
know God better. That is the only solution. The only face of redemption. We are
so afraid to release our pain and press in to God. We are afraid that laying
down our suffering means giving up on it. We are afraid that not controlling,
not seeing, not understanding means not happening. Here are some of the lies
that have been whispered to me the last couple weeks.

Lie number One: you have to fix yourself before you can
enter better communion with God. Truth: better communion with God burns away
the issues that need fixing. Lie Number Two: I cannot serve/lead others who
struggle with similar things because I haven’t figured it out. Truth: God’s
power is made perfect in weakness, serving is simply walking beside – not
having solutions. Lie Number Three: this mistake reveals who you really are and
you are not adequate until a solution is found. Truth: It is by grace I have
been saved, through faith – and this is not from myself, it is the gift of God;
my identity is in Christ.

I will not flee from my imperfection. I will not hide from
my shortcomings. I will not give my failings undue attention. I will not allow
them to define me.

Here is the truth: God is beautiful. He is bigger than
imagination. Jesus is more trustworthy than my flesh. The Holy Spirit lives.
The Kingdom of God shines boldly and unapologetically from every corner of the
universe. My sin, all sin, is a result of our eyes drifting from these truths. Our
disunity with God comes as a result of not fully trusting, forgetting, or
ignoring the truths of the Spirit. The solution is to contemplate His Goodness,
to trust His Holiness, to linger on the unfathomable Goodness of God.

In that space, there is no room for anything else. My
imperfection burns away when my passion for the Lord burns undeniably strong. I
can’t be a solution; I can’t find one or figure one out. There is no process
that brings redemption other than resting in the fullness of who Christ is in
my life, in all life.

God is doing a work in me. It is not finished. There is
improvement to be found. I vow to never again hide from these realities. I am
finished covering the areas that need to be redeemed.