I quit.
Yes, you did just read those words right. I’m done. D-O-N-E.
(Gasp) What are you talking about?
I quit. That’s it. I give up.
For the past few weeks/months, I’ve gradually lost sight of who Jesus is. The awe factor and love has just faded, and it has even turned into bitterness upon hearing someone be crazy religious. And those tagline religious cliches that we all say…ooohhhh, don’t even get me started. In my attempts to do great things for God, I’ve lost why I am even here. A relationship that once was full of love and joy has turned into a trap that I can’t get free of, and I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of trying harder and then failing.
Judah Smith’s “Jesus is ___________” sermons are really helping me to get back to the core of this whole thing: knowing Jesus. As he says, the Gospel is NOT about trying harder. We do not have to earn our worth or our salvation. It’s a gift! It has NOTHING to do with us and all about who Jesus is. Ephesians 2:8-9 says,
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”
When you were a kid on Christmas, did you reluctantly open a gift and say “Ehhh….I can’t accept this. I don’t deserve this. I’ll pay you back later.” Nope. You better believe you ripped the paper off and just accepted it for what it was: a gift! Just like this, Jesus actually wants us to be like little kids! He doesn’t want us to repay Him or try harder… He wants us to just run into His arms and accept Him.
In my battle with sin, I’ve tried counseling. I’ve done accountability. I’ve read a self-help book. I’ve made promises to God that I wouldn’t sin again. I’ve broadcasted my sin to the world to “take away its power.” I’ve put into effect consequences for falling. And guess what? Nothing’s worked.
Why?
Because all the while I’ve been trying so hard, God has been saying…
“Son…stop trying to fix yourself and just let me hold you.”
I could try and try harder until I’m blue in the face and still be just as broken if my central focus is not on Jesus. I can’t do this alone. I just can’t.
I’m letting go, and I’m just gonna let Jesus hold me. No obligation. No earning His love. I’m going home to my Father’s arms. He fights for me there. He cares for me there. He changes me there.
This embrace is way overdue.
So, yeah, I quit.
