Almost a year and a half ago my team and I were at training camp for the world race learning how to hear from the Lord. We were practicing on each other, and my teammate Noah received a vision of me. I was on a train by myself, staring sadly out the window. The train was going fast and I was just looking on as everything flew by outside my window. At the time I had no interpretation of it, so I just let it be and moved on from it.
Fast forward around 15 months. I have literally circled the globe since the vision and I am almost in my 4th month at CGA. Yesterday we were doing listening prayer as a CGA class and giving away what we heard from the Lord to each other. It was a time meant to encourage and build up one another, and during this time my mind was brought back to the vision Noah had. Also, a couple of the interactions I had with my classmates enlightened my perspective of Noah’s vision and, suddenly, I seemed to have interpretation for it.
The train is symbolic of the journey the Father takes us on. It’s a good journey about growth and sanctification and freedom and it is integral for any Christ follower. But I’m on the train by myself? Why do I seem so somber and lonely? Well if you have followed my journey then you likely know that I wanted to go on the world race to grow (check out this blog I wrote about it in the middle of my race https://joetakayoshi.theworldrace.org/post/becoming ). Growth is a valiant cause, but it is not the most important thing. Sometimes I treat it like it is. That’s me on the train, forcing myself to stay the course God has put me on even if I have to sacrifice communion with others or incredible destinations to stay seated. I can get frustrated at how slow the train is moving, and sometimes it even comes to complete stops. Nonetheless, I remain in my seat, gazing out at the places and people where I could get off and enjoy.
The train ride was not always lonely. The 9 months of the race were spent with my team on the train together. The same journey, different perspectives, but it was still an incredible community. The race is designed to be a perfect train ride. On the race, the train is the destination because it is so nonstop and we are not promised anything outside of it. I am realizing that most seasons are not designed this way. Which is a big frustration I have had so far at CGA.
CGA has taught me a lot, but it’s been a hard journey. Class is five days a week, and it’s an environment unlike any I have ever been a part of. It’s raw and vulnerable but it is also very tied into truth. We walk into healing and try out leadership traits in ways where we mess up a lot, but it’s ok because at least we are moving in the right direction. I struggle with it some, but I also love it. I love the purpose of it, and the idea of coming out refined and more equipped for establishing kingdom. I hate the long process. I hate the loose structure and the uncertainty of what the fruit will be.
I think the struggles I have had with CGA came from faulty expectations. I wanted CGA to be efficient and yield obvious fruit because that’s what the race was for me and I loved the race. The train was moving fast and it was obvious the Lord didn’t want us anywhere else. I wanted CGA to be this train ride just like the race. The journey of CGA, at least for me, has been designed to show me that it’s ok to get off the train. It’s ok to pause my ever-so-precious “growth” if the Father is asking me too. Growth really is one of the least important things to God (still important tho!). God is with me off the train just as much as He is on it. The thing is I have put my heart on the “destination” of this train ride, seeking self-improvement over anything else. This train is never going to get to an actual destination in this lifetime, and if I never get to enjoy the places that the train has taken me then I am missing the point of it. God wants my heart and relationship with me more than anything else I can give Him. God wants that more than growth or results or perfection.
God’s journey is never a prison, it never restricts our wholeness or joy or life. By planting myself on the train, I was acting like it was.
Sincerely,
Joe Tak
Thank you for reading! If you want to support the lessons that God is teaching me then please consider donating! I need $80 more to be fully funded for CGA and the deadline is Friday.
EDIT: Since posting this I have received the donation I needed! Thank you all so much!
Thank you all God bless you!
