Dear Home,
I miss you. I have been away for longer than I have ever been before, and while it is true that I miss you, it is also true that I do not long to return now. I am in the penultimate month of my nine-month mission trip called the World Race. This trip, which has taken me to 4 countries on 3 different continents, has been the best season of my life, and its’ conclusion is quickly approaching. Returning to where I’m from will mean the end of this transformative season, but it will also provide me the opportunity to plant the seeds that the Lord has put on my heart. Being away has taught me an incredible amount about myself and the rest of the world, but it has also radically changed my perspective on home.
Before anything else I need to say thank you. I have a deep gratitude for where I was raised. No one believes me when I try to convince them that Indiana is the best state, but I truly believe it. What other state is my home? The culture I was brought up in provided all the tools I needed to cement a firm foundation for myself. I know that there is a whole lot of imperfections in Hamilton County and in my childhood, but there is a simplicity and familiarity that my heart still appreciates. I have now seen firsthand some of the ways that foreign cultures are failing to bring up the next generation, and it has made my heart for home deepen. My upbringing provided many areas I could point to with fondness and appreciation, but the greatest of these might be my community. The hub for a large portion of that community is Grace Church.
Grace Church, both as an institution and as a community, played a vital role in the formation of my identity, my faith, and my perspective. I first got connected at Grace in middle school, and since then it has given me so much. The Holy Spirit brought me out of the worst season of my life at the Merge winter retreat during my freshman year. That weekend stirred my soul, and changed the trajectory of my life. A few months later the East Indy mission trip took my newly warmed soul and shattered it in the best way possible. I think this is the best understanding I have of being a new creation, God had to destroy the old me because of all the negativity that was a part of it in order to make me something good and new. At this point I was all in for Jesus. He took me from a completely apathetic and self-loathing season of my life and reworked it for passion and purpose. The Lord gets all the credit for this, but He was working through events put on by Grace Church and I am thankful He did. Grace became a haven for me and gave me good, consistent community through Merge, which I desperately needed.
I dove deep into Grace after that. I went on two more mission trips, started co-leading 4-5th grade guys’ small groups with Merge friends, and I think that I missed a maximum of 3 combined Sunday night Merges over the course of my junior and senior year. I wanted to deepen my connection with Jesus and I made Grace Church the number one way to do that. The foundations of my faith were strengthened for sure, but as the years progressed the fire that I had for Christ felt like it was mellowing out. What used to stir my soul had become comfortable and stagnant in a lot of ways. As a result my relationship with God also started to lose its’ luster. I was still in a really good place, but I was not sure how to get that fire back.
This all leads into the mission trip I am on now. I started this letter by saying that I am currently in the best season of my life so far, which is true, but it is still imperfect just like any other season or community or culture. I started the World Race with a similar mindset that I had about Grace Church. I’ll dive headfirst into this Christ-centered program and that will be how I get closer to God. I now see the fault in my logic. I was getting to God in a roundabout way. Using churches, mission trips, or even other people to get to God can be necessary at times, but it won’t last if your relationship with Jesus comes only through these things. I have been learning to foster a direct connection with Jesus and that is what everything else in my life is built on, not the other way around.
This trip has also given me new perspective towards home. In a way it’s made me love home even more, but it has also put a new emphasis on the aspects of home that I would like to see changed. A reason I came on the Race was because I had grown too complacent in my faith, and I needed to take a step out of my comfort zone. That decision has proven to be an extremely good one, but I now want to be extra careful when I come home not to get too used to the comfort or even the entitlement that is so, so present in the suburbs. It’s easy to fall into, especially when living in a culture that is seemingly drenched in it. It took me flying around the world to actually understand how self-denial and accountability and seeking discomfort are all practical actions that turn out to be supremely helpful in following Jesus.
When I return in a couple of months, I have a lot of new perspective and truth that I want to bring with me. When I left I had a good foundation, but I was searching for direction and true connection with the Lord. Now, coming home relatively soon, I feel like I am equipped to live out what I learned in a way that shares it with my community. I want to take more ownership. I believe I am ready to give back to the culture that gave me so much when I needed it. I can’t wait to be a better brother and son to my family, and I look forward to sharing the exciting ways Jesus has changed me with my friends, and I want to find different ways to help out the community through Grace Church or maybe even at a new job.
Home gave me so much good, but also a little too much comfort. I had to step out of my comfort with faith in order to grow closer to Jesus, and now, as a result of that, I think Jesus is showing me how I can give some good back to that same home.
