I just returned from a week and a half of training in Gainesville, Georgia. I met the 34 other women and men who will join me on the Race, had hours of training sessions, ate fried crickets and onions with my hands (along with lots of other food from all over the world), and laughed harder than I have in ages.
And while the training we received for the Race itself was exceptional and everything I was expecting it to be, I was surprised by the space provided for us to have intimate encounters with God. Trainers were skilled at not only making sure we were learning the ministry guidelines we needed, but also focusing on counseling us and helping us grow closer to the Lord.
For me, God brought so much clarity to my story and the places he’s taking me. It’s been a long year and a half of delving into emotional wounds and realizing the blinders I’ve had up that have kept me from seeing myself and my God. I’ve had more nights of tears and weeks of confusion since last March than the rest of my life, and I’ve found the heart of Jesus as a healer through it all. This year and a half has been painful, beautiful, and I wouldn’t change any of it.
But now, God is doing something new.
Freedom is the word he’s spoken over me in this season. See, I think that during this season of emotional healing I’ve grown accustomed to frequent self-evaluation and to questioning the way I’m acting. That’s largely because the last year and a half has been a time when God has removed a lot of pride and other nastiness from my heart, particularly in the way I view myself and other people. Learning to take a step back and question my words before I speak has been so important, and this time has shaped me into the man I am.
At training camp, though, I heard God telling me how incredibly proud of me he really is. He told me how much my voice matters, and how much the energy I have is a precious gift from him. And maybe for the first time, I believed him. At training camp, he made it abundantly clear that the part of my life characterized by plumbing the depths of my soul, repenting, and praying for healing is over.
“…Behold, the winter is past;
the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth,
the time of singing has come…”
~Song of Solomon 2:11-12
Believing my Father when he said that the person he’s made me to be is good is changing everything. I’ve never felt more free to be me without any regrets, and have never loved others so quickly and so deeply. I truly feel more like myself than I ever have, and I’m hopeful and expectant for the things the Lord will do in this coming chapter of my life.
I have full confidence that he’s given me everything I need for the Race, and that I’m right where he wants me to be. The Holy Spirit is moving in my team, and I’m honored to be able to carry the Gospel around the world.
