Though it’s hard for me to believe, Gap L has entered Month 5 of our race, and is beginning our ministry in Peru. As the halfway point of this trip approaches next week, I’ve been looking back on the last 4 months and praying into what I want the second half of the trip to look like.
What I’ve realized is that I don’t want the second half of my race to be as small as the first. I’ve realized that it’s surprisingly easy to still play it safe, even when travelling the world doing missions, and I’m tired of giving the Lord a half-hearted yes when He’s asking for all or nothing.
I wrote this poem at our second Debrief last week, and am excited to share it with you. Thanks for all your support and continued prayers—I can’t wait for the good things I know these next few months will hold.
“Goodbye, Small Yes”
This is the last time I let
you comfort me.
You have been the words on my lips
for months, it seems,
and I’m leaving you in the desert sand.
You did all you promised you would—
you made my heart into a mirror,
to keep me unbroken,
to deflect the pain I feared.
Yet more,
for I find that my
mirror heart
deflects the light as well.
But I was not made for your safe darkness.
I’ve known the ache of 3 AM in November,
that night he said he was
too small to live in the shadow
of his sorrow,
and I thought,
“If only you could see
the sun that’s rising!”
Or take the broken hope
of spring rain and rose tea,
when my fresh tears
formed a new reflection,
and all the broken pieces came together
like a cold, fragile dawn after the snow.
So I’m breaking the mirror
on these alpine slopes,
for I’ll never hope
if I never hurt.
I’m letting the light in
to break me.
~Joel
