I don’t swim well. In fact, I swim like a rock, a very heavy rock. All the swim lessons couldn’t fix the fact I can barely float, and I swim like a dog. I literally doggy paddle when I am in the water. Irony is when your last name is Sturgeon. I will never live up to my name sake because this little Sturgeon fish can’t swim to save her life.
The first time I swam in the ocean was in December with my host family in Thailand. We were in Rayong and decided to go snorkeling. I was fine then, only had one minor moment of hesitation but that was only when I took my life jacket off. Now, flash forward to debrief a couple of months later, and I have the opportunity to snorkel again! I loved it last time, so why would I not go this time? Well, this go round Lake Malawi scared me half to death because it put my lack of skills to the test.
The boats started heading out at one o’clock, and it wasn’t a far distance till we came to an island. The boats stopped at the shore, and we got out to snorkel. For those who don’t know, there are fish in Lake Malawi that aren’t anywhere else in the world! I had to see these fish for myself. I started out fine, and I asked for a life jacket at one point but threw it back because I am an adult. I don’t “need” a life jacket. I was trying to face a life long fear of swimming in deep water. Basically, if my feet don’t touch or if I don’t have a life jacket on I panic.
Everyone decided to swim out to some rocks that were a little ways from the shore. I debated going to the rocks because, knowing me, it would be a struggle bus trying to swim that distance. It was like the angel and devil on my shoulders saying two different things. One part of me wanted to conquer my fears while the other part of me wanted to stay where it was safe. The reckless side of me won as it usually does. I started swimming out to the rocks with Madeline, my teammate. I was doing great! I had my mask on, and I was so fascinated by the deep blue water. It was so clear, and I had never seen anything like it. This was a big moment for me: this was the first time in my life I had been in deep water without a life jacket on or in a kayak. The whole time I was saying to myself, “I’m fine. I’m fine, I am doing great. Nothing here to harm me. I’m fine.” Of course only a few seconds later the thought, “I AM GOING TO DIE!” popped into my brain, and all calm was gone. My heart started racing, and it got a lot harder to catch my breath. Once that happened, the mask started to fog up so I couldn’t see. I ripped it off and kept swimming with it in my hands. That dang mask felt like I was trying to drag a rock along with me. Then the next questioned popped into my mind, “Do I drop it so I swim better or do I hold onto it so I don’t have to pay a fee for losing the mask?” I wish I could say that I dropped the mask but I usually don’t pay for anything if I don’t have to. I kept holding onto the dang thing even though I probably should have let it go.
I get to the rocks just in time for everyone else to dive back into the water to head back to the shore. I sit there for a second, breathless and in sheer panic. Madeline gives me a quick pep talk and back in the water I go. If I was thinking rationally, I would have stayed so that the boat could come get me, but no. In my state of panic, I dive back into the water and start swimming. Just keep swimming just like Dory told me to as a kid. Thank God for Dory. Anyways, I am about a third of the way when I physically can’t go anymore. My body is shutting down, and I can’t catch my breath. I turn onto my back and try to swim backwards. I wasn’t making enough momentum, so the waves started to take me with them. The waves had pushed me farther out from the shore. I only look to see where I am going when I hear Madeline scream my name, “JO! Turn Around!” She was right: I was so far from where I needed to be. I didn’t think I was going to make it.
After seeing the distance from the shore, I went from panic mode to freak out mode. I honestly thought I might die. I was in tears, I couldn’t breathe, and all energy I had left was gone. Truthfully, I was pretty upset that I was going to drown in my weird and awkward swimsuit dress. Yes, my swimsuit is a dress made from swim material. I was also very bitter about the fact I was going to drown on the day of my Center For Global Action (CGA) interview. Pretty big day for me, so big I almost stayed back from snorkeling so there was no way I would miss my interview. So there I was in freakout mode in the middle of Lake Malawi and what do I do? Naturally, in what I thought would be my last moment, I started talking to God. I asked him why my last name is a fish if I couldn’t swim, why did he make me reckless, and of course I asked Him if I was going to die on the day of my CGA interview. I really didn’t want to sink to the bottom of Lake Malawi on the day which could determine the course of my life. When He didn’t answer any of my questions, I decided to pray “Lord, save me. I really don’t want to drown.”
God had answered my prayer pretty quickly because two very handsome Malawians came to save me. They told me to hold onto their shoulders so they could drag me back to shore. Mind the fact that I am mortified that I’m in an awkward swimsuit dress, and my haircut makes me look like a twelve year old boy. Honestly, I shouldn’t be that upset over this, but I always thought if I were to be saved from drowning it would be more like the movies, a bit more glamorous. Nope, I was aspirating uncontrollably and was flailing around pretty much the whole time. Pretty ungraceful stuff.
Besides being embarrassed at what had happened, I was grateful that the situation didn’t escalate anymore. I was delivered back to the boat all in one piece, and after a few minutes, I was fine. I even made it back in time for my CGA interview, and a few days later got accepted into the program. One day, I thought I was going to sink to the bottom of Lake Malawi, and then the next, I find out I am going to be living in Georgia. God wouldn’t let me drown on the day of my interview because He has big plans for me! Now that I am accepted into the CGA program, I can start working towards my goals. I want to become a squad leader and take another Gap Squad out on the field. Then after that I hope to work at a hostel or coffee shop somewhere really cool like Costa Rica. I love the idea of combining business and mission work. I have been praying that the Lord would show me the path He wants me to take. Well, God always answers prayers and sometimes in the craziest ways. Now, I have the opportunity to keep working in missions, living my dream, and like Dory said, to “just keep swimming”.
