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Everyone washes clothes at the orphanage!
“When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.”

    – 1st Corinthians 2:1,2

Many Americans, especially guys like me who haven’t been through enough brokenness yet, are often very good at entering third world countries assuming we’ve got more to share than to learn. And what’s even tougher, the same temptation will be there as we re-enter the United States in two weeks. God’s introduced my heart so much this year that many people in the Western World don’t understand. But if I really want to love people, if I really want to have an impact, I’ve gotta learn that I really don’t know anything more than anyone else does; or at least what I do know really isn’t that valuable outside of love. I’ve got nothing to offer except love – in weakness, humility, and brokenness. Often, I won’t have anything useful to offer until I learn what the people I might be able to share with have to teach me first. I think many times, if we are doing what we’re supposed to be doing, we will feel like we’re learning more than we’re sharing.

This year I’ve met pastors in Africa and Mexico who deeply understand things that God is just beginning to teach me in my heart. The Bible isn’t just something they’ve read and taught from – they deeply “get it.“ Because they’ve been through hurt, they’ve been through circumstances I can’t even begin to understand yet, and so they’ve seen intimacy and love from God in ways I long to know. And often, I’m coming in simply ready to absorb the love that they have.

And so here in Nicaragua, I’m finally starting to enjoy being humbled. I’m kind of OK with it. But I also realize that as I want to continue sharing Jesus overseas and in the United States, I’m gonna have to learn that the process of being broken and being humbled is going to be an everyday reality. Part of a song I’ve often sung and am beginning to really appreciate goes like this –

Brokenness, brokenness, it’s what I long for
Brokenness, it’s what I need
Brokenness, brokenness, it’s what you want from me

Brokenness is hard; it stings. But it also brings so much freedom! Here in Nicaragua, we’re continuing construction, continuing to wash dishes, continuing to learn Spanish, continuing to learn to love the kids here at the orphanage. But more than anything, I’m simply becoming part of their family. And when that happens, we can all share with one another – we can share the gifts that the Holy Spirit is slowly revealing to us, and learn to freely share the love of God with one another. People don’t really long for an outside consultant; they long for family!

Today, I was honestly feeling frustrated at everything. Feeling like I couldn’t do anything right once again as we were building another wall, feeling like apparently I can’t listen to God right; what I hear isn’t from God or isn’t good enough. Feeling like, “what’s the point of even trying?” And then as I’d try to get anything done, at least 10 kids from the orphanage wanted my attention – wanted me to throw them in the air once again, or ride them around in the wheelbarrow one more time. And I just wanted to work; really I just wanted to hide. Yet really, building a building isn’t that important. The developed regions of the world already have plenty of buildings! But we’re still desperate for love as we work hard to build up our world of plastic, numbing our hearts to the one thing we really want to do – and that is love.

Most of the time, I pick up on new tasks very quickly, and it’s a way that I can relate to other people. And so I get the privilege of being able to work because it gives me an “in”; working gives me a set of keys to start building relationships so that I immediately begin to show love through brokenness. Here in Central America, I get to practice the small amount of Spanish I know because it shows the people around me that I really want to try, in my imperfection, to build a relationship with them, even though I feel stupid because I know I’m making mistakes in my grammar and pronunciation. Yet I think God’s love is best shown through weakness; they know I’m not perfect at my Spanish yet … but me choosing to allow them to see my weakness reveals that desire to love. And maybe I’ll get the opportunity to share with words what God has taught me once they already see it in me.

I wonder if it’s not the times that seem the hardest, the times that seem the toughest, the times that we feel the weakest that we’re often the most effective. Maybe when we feel like we are wading through mud, when we we see all of our mistakes all over the place, when we feel like we’re acting out of anything but love, when we feel like we’re doing everything wrong – maybe when we choose to love with what little we have anyway is when we’re really having the most impact. Maybe it’s time that I get used to being confident in feeling weak in my own abilities so that God can shine finally through me!


  “For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.   
  Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are true. It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God – that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, ‘Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.'”


– 1 Corinthians 1:25-30
 
Sunset from our backyard this month — Taken by Summer

 
Center picture:  Playing with the kids at the church