Bring Me To Life

The exploration of life is an amazing journey, one with its hurts and pains, twists and turns, yet with joys and deep pleasures. We first discover the frustration and that feeling of “uggghh”; we feel the boredom, the pain, the deadness that comes when we’re living for ourselves, when all we’re responsible for is our own success and well-being. We absorb ourselves in entertainment or we find purpose that we feel we can control, and that purpose becomes our high, and every other opportunity and risk that comes by we ignore. We choose our friends and our churches based upon how much we can get out of them, yet we never feel the deep pleasure of real relationship that requires something of us, perhaps everything of us. We’re let-down or we live a life of fear, hoping the fragile reality we’ve created in our mind won’t break this week. Yet that’s not real life.

The other day I found out one of our friends from a missions project in Yellowstone National Park has Leukemia. And I wonder how I’m to respond. Instinctively I’m afraid of developing friendships with people that express need that we may have to face, that may require us to respond. But eventually we find that life isn’t “perfect”, it’s full of pain and hurt and need. But instead of feeling inadequate, can I ask what do I have to offer, what has God given me today to give away? And perhaps the one thing we fear is what we long for the most – to be a part of fulfilling that need. It’s been amazing already to try to feel what she feels and to pray for her with what God has been placing on my spirit.

We will only become frustrated, irritated, angry, bored, and hurt if we’re in this life for ourselves. Yet instead of hiding and running from needs all around us, if we choose to consider those needs as opportunities that God has placed in our lives rather than coincidences to be afraid of and isolate ourselves from, we will feel whole, fulfilled, and worthy of rest as we dare to expose ourselves and risk giving. When I feel dead, do I try and fill my life with something else that ultimately will just create more death? Or do I head out my door and seek one of the many opportunities all around me to bring life into a hurting world.

Summer and I were visiting Jim and Micaela Reeves in Wyoming many months ago before flying out to Spain. And Jim mentioned to me how he learned that family may be our most important ministry God gives us. I struggled with that; I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t fit kids into the reality of the desires God had given me. How does that impact my desire to share Him in the third world? Yet I’ve recently been noticing a desire within me to share all that God has given me with a family. Something is welling deep within me to disciple my own family for eighteen years. I don’t want to leave this earth without passing on a legacy of freedom from sin found in Him, without sharing the secrets of life found I’ve already found in Him shared day after day in love and in faith so that my family can surpass me and explore even further! And yesterday I noticed that all the reasons I have left not to have a family have little to do with wanting to share Jesus around the world; rather they are far more because of selfishness. I’m afraid that leading kids around the world will change my plans, will be an inconvenience, will require me to sacrifice my desires. And yet deep within my spirit, I long to take the risk to pour and make disciples of kids while taking Jesus’ love to the nations. I long for the life that can come when even more sacrifice of my time and energy is required of me!

So many of my decisions in life have been based on, “What can I get.” I’m beginning to learn to change that to “What can I give.” It’s a process and it will take time – but deep down I want to bring life to you and the nations. That’s where life is found – in me giving His love flowing through me away!